


Fractured Hearts

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-15
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 85,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is misinformed about Justin in the hospital after the prom. The journey to self discovery is usually long... but it usually leads us home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Cold. 

Brian felt cold. The only warmth he could sense were the warm tears streaking his face and the warm blood on his lips. He had retreated. This couldn’t be happening. He was lost, alone within his own despair. Tumbling toward an endless oblivion. He had to climb back, see him, hold him, re-live him. 

Why? How did this happen? A moment of ever lasting happiness, plunged into horror in mere seconds. He swore he could still feel the light pressure from the most tender kiss he had ever experienced. One that spoke of so much. Spoke for the words he couldn’t articulate. Spoke for the feelings that he was sure he would never feel. But he had. 

Alone, Mikey didn’t come. He couldn’t reach him. He let it ring a couple of times. Then hung up. The hospital had called Jennifer; she would be arriving soon. What could he possibly say to her? She would undoubtedly blame him. He blamed himself. Why should she be different? 

He felt eyes on him. Turning he saw her. Her eyes as lost as his, but with a tint of anger. He couldn’t speak. He pleaded with his watery eyes for her to believe that he NEVER wanted, NEVER dreamed that this would happen. He was so sorry. He would do anything to change it. Have it be him lying on that gurney right now, fighting for his life, just to allow her to have her son back. But he couldn’t change it. 

She shot angry, confused glares at him, suddenly changing them to questioning and pleading. How could he let this happen? What possessed him to go? Why couldn’t he have just left well enough alone? I know why. But it doesn’t curb my anger! He continually takes my son from me. I sit down next to him, grasping his hand is all I can think to do. Despite my current feelings, he’s all have. 

** An hour later** 

How fucking long had he been sitting there? It seems like forever. He needed to know how Justin was doing. I can’t take this any longer. 

Rising from the stonelike chair, Brian sought out a nurse. Jennifer had excused herself to go to the bathroom. 

“Excuse me”, Brian’s voice cracked. “Could you tell me how the young man who was brought in earlier is doing.” 

Noticing the unbalanced and crushed persona of the man before her, the young nurse replied, “I’ll see what I can find out.”

“Thank you…,” looking at her nametag, “Beth.”

Beth, having just come on duty to the ER went to the duty station to find out what she could about the new cases that had come in that night. There had been a young man with a head injury, and a young man that had been in a car accident. Checking with the nurse coming off duty at the time, she asked. 

“Martha, what is the status of these two cases?” 

“I’m afraid we lost one,” Martha sullenly replied. “The young man in the car accident had just lost too much blood. The other is still in trauma.” 

Having seen all the blood on Brian’s suit and face, she concluded that she was going to have to be the bearer of bad news. She hated this part of her job. Returning to Brian she braced herself for his reaction. 

“Sir…,” she hesitated.

“Just tell me.” 

“I’m sorry.”

Brian stood frozen. “NO!” his brain screamed, yet not even the slightest breath escaped. He just started walking, not hearing the nurse call to him. Only hearing the calming refrains of “Save the Last Dance”. How appropriate! 

 

**~~**

Jennifer returned from the bathroom and looked for Brian, but found him nowhere. She approached the nurse’s station to see if there was any update on Justin’s condition. 

“Yes,” Beth looked up at the woman who looked as tattered as the man she had just seen. 

“Could you tell me if there is any new news on Justin Taylor; he’s my son.” 

“He is the young man with the head trauma, correct?” 

“Yes.”

“Let me go and check,” Beth replied, trying to provide some comfort and reassurance with her small smile. 

“Thank you, I’ll just wait here.”

Beth returned pretty quickly and Jennifer wasn’t sure that that was a good thing or not. 

“Mrs. Taylor, Justin is still in surgery. He’s lost a lot of blood and they are doing all that they can to get him stabilized to assess for further damage. At this point the doctors are staying optimistic, but there is still much to determine, some of which can not be until Justin wakes up.” 

“Thank you so much for the new information, I hadn’t really been told anything yet.” Jennifer’s voice quivered with emotion. “Did you happen to see where the man I was sitting with went?”

A deep sense of dread came over Beth. Having seen Justin’s state when she went to inquire after him, she realized that she may have given false information to the man who questioned her only a few moments ago. Shakily she asked, “What did he look like?”

“He’s got brown hair, hazel eyes, but you would have probably recognized him by the blood stained silk scarf and tux he was wearing.” 

Beth brought her hand up to cover her gaping mouth as she confirmed what she had done. 

“What’s wrong?” Jennifer asked seeing Beth’s reaction. 

“I gave your friend some wrong information. He asked me for an update on a young man that had been brought in earlier. I just came on duty, and when I checked with the nurse leaving she said that two young men had been brought in, one with head injury and one from an auto accident. She told me that the boy from the auto accident had died from too much blood loss. I made the assumption that he was the young man that the gentleman was referring too because of all the blood on him. I’m so sorry, but he thinks your son died.” Beth was beside herself. She had never made an error of this magnitude before. 

Just hearing the word “died” in reference to her son, sent chills up Jennifer’s spine, but she needed to find Brian. 

“Did you see which way he went?” Jennifer asked grasping Beth’s shoulder’s with both hands, seemingly needing to shake her out of her own shock. 

“He just started walking down the hall…toward the exit.”

Jennifer turned and quickly made her way toward the exit of the emergency room. When she reached the parking lot, Brian was nowhere in sight. She couldn’t leave Justin, so she turned back to the emergency room, to call Deb. Deb would find Brian. 

**~~**

Brian walked in a shroud of disbelief toward his home on Tremont. His Jeep was still in the hotel parking garage. He had to leave, he couldn’t stay in Pittsburgh. He couldn’t face his friends, his family, Jennifer. He wasn’t sure he could face himself. He had lost the one person he finally had the balls to love. The guts to let into his life. Taken from him by one vicious act of hate. He knew his standard methods of pain management wouldn’t work this time. They wouldn’t bring Justin back. So he had to leave. 

He entered the code to the main entrance, and walked up the stairs, unlocked the door, disarmed the alarm, and slid the steel door closed again. The door seemed lighter than his heart. He paused looking around at all the glorious things that he had in his home. The fine Italian furniture, the stainless steel dominating his kitchen, the ultra modern electronics, and the closet full of designer clothes. All these things were supposedly who he was, defined his life. Let everyone know that he had made it. But they were just things. They all seemed useless and hollow now. They could bring him no comfort, no warmth. No love. 

Steeling himself, he knew he had to focus, if just for awhile. He needed to be swift with his resolve. The others would soon come for him. He strode to his closet, and pulled out the duffel bag that he had had for years that he used for brief trips, unrelated to business. He stuffed in a couple pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, and some underwear. He quickly changed into the same, leaving his blood stained tux on the floor, in a puddle at the foot of his bed. He left the scarf hanging about his neck. 

Crossing to his desk, he opened the top drawer and pulled out a checkbook and sat to write a letter to Lindsay. 

Dear Lindz, 

I have to get away. Here is a joint account that I started. Use the money for whatever you or Gus need. Don’t let my son think I don’t love him. I do. 

Bri. 

Folding the letter, he placed it in an envelope with the checkbook. He would drop it in the mailbox on his way out of town. 

He picked up the phone and called into the office leaving a message for Cynthia and Ryder. He told them that he was taking an extended leave of absence and didn‘t know when he would return. Knowing this would piss Ryder off, he suggested that Cynthia take his place. She knew the accounts as well as, if not better than he did. Asked Cynthia to have the utilities cut off at the loft, and have it closed up. She needed to call and cancel the maid too. Have the mail diverted to her at the office. She could pay it out of the account that she had access too. Finally, he just hung up. 

Feeling he had taken care of the major things, his kid, his job, he headed for the parking garage of his building. 

He walked to the back corner of the garage towards the vehicle covered with the dusty old tarp. He hadn’t started this thing since the summer he got out of college, there just hadn’t been the time. Now he had plenty of time. He strapped his duffle bag to the back, checked the gas gauge, good there was a little bit, and started the ignition. Placing his helmet on his head, he was ready to go. He pulled to the exit, looked around the street and pulled out. 

Debbie was approaching the loft, hoping to find Brian, to let him know that there had been a mistake. She turned her head as she heard the roar of a motorcycle as it left the garage. 

 

**~~**

Debbie tried the buzzer, to no avail. Since Michael was gone she had no other way to get into the loft. She decided to head to the hospital to sit with Jennifer, and wait for news on her Sunshine.

When Deb entered the hospital waiting room she found that the rest of the gang had already arrived, the only faces missing were those of Michael and Brian. She instantly found Jennifer and rushed to console her. “Jennifer I am so sorry. Has there been any news?” 

“No Deb, nothing new. Did you find Brian?”

“No, there was no answer at the loft. He’s probably just driving around. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. Then we can clear up the confusion,” Deb said, although she wasn’t very confident in her reply. Something in her gut just told her that something wasn’t right. 

Looking over at Ted and Emmett, Jennifer asked, “Would either of you happen to know where he might be?”

“Well he may have gone to Woody’s or Babylon. Brian tends to control his pain there.” This from Emmett. 

“Have you tried his cell phone?” Ted asked, ever the practical one. 

“NO! I haven‘t. Do any of you have the number?” Jennifer reached into her purse to retrieve her cell phone. 

“The number is 412-369-0710.” Ted told her. 

Jennifer waited as the phone rang. Her expression dropped as she received the recording that the owner of the phone was not available. She stored the number and then ended the call. “It said he’s not available.”

“He’s probably just got it turned off right now. Come on Teddy, lets head out and see if we can’t find him,” Emmett suggested, dragging Ted out of the Emergency room. 

Vic was just returning with some coffee as the boys were leaving. He gave Jen, Deb, Lindsay, and Mel their coffee, Daphne a bottled water, and sat down. “Oh, I bought a bottle of apple juice for Gus, just in case.” 

“Thanks, Vic.” Lindsay replied. She had been very quiet, trying to absorb what had happened to Justin and the fact that Brian had been given false information and now appeared to be missing. She was worried what he might do. Mel sat rocking Gus, as they all waited for any new news on Justin. 

After about 3 hours of sitting and pacing a doctor emerged from around a corner and approached the group of individuals waiting at the end of the hall. 

“Mrs. Taylor?”

“I’m Jennifer Taylor. Please how is my son?” Jennifer was shaky at best. 

“I’m Doctor Hamilton, head of neurosurgery. Justin is out of surgery and is being prepped for ICU. He sustained a skull fracture and with the forces generated from the blunt trauma he also incurred an epidural hematoma. We had to drill a small hole in the skull to allow the blood to drain. To decrease the pressure on the brain. We don’t know yet what other complications will arise at this point. We probably won’t know until Justin wakes up.”

“How long could that take Doctor?” Vic questioned. He remembered being in a coma for a while when he had taken a turn for the worse. 

“It is hard to say. We really don’t know. He slipped into a coma during the surgery. His vitals appear to be stable. He will be on 24 hour monitor. He will have immediate care if there are any changes,” Doctor Hamilton replied. 

“Can I see him?” Jennifer needed to see her son desperately. 

“As soon as he is moved into ICU, you may go in and sit with him. I’ll be sure to let the nurses know that you may stay.”

“Thank you, Doctor Hamilton.” Jennifer quietly responded, trying to quell her tears for a while longer. 

**~~**

 

Jennifer walked through the door to the ICU room that Justin was in. She quietly pulled up a chair and sat down. Gently taking Justin’s right hand in hers, and looking into his face, she longed to see his lapis blue eyes glimmering back at her. Instead she saw drained, ashen skin colored with purple and blue. The whiteness of the bandage around his head was disrupted only by the red seeping through at his temple. 

Closing her eyes, clenching Justin’s hand, she relived giving him his first set of crayons. He had burst to life seeing the colors explode on the page. His fierce determination to ride his two-wheeler, despite his scraped up knees. Taking him to the art museum, encouraging his love of art. The numerous birthday parties that she had had for him. Feeling the enormous amount of pride she had when he walked down the stairs at Deb’s earlier that night. He looked truly amazing. Ready to take on the world. Opening her eyes, her beautiful son just looked so small, like the world had fallen on him. Tears cascading down her face she silently pleaded with him to come back to her. 

**~~**

Out in the hallway Lindsay, Melanie, Deb and Vic sat with Daphne.

“You should have seen it! Justin and I were dancing and I saw him first. Brian walked in immediately seeking Justin out. He actually looked scared,” she said with a little smile in her voice. “I tapped Justin and pointed toward Brian. I don’t think Justin really registered that Brian was there until they were on the dance floor. They looked absolutely magical. You could see it in their eyes. No one else was in the room. And when Brian kissed him…” Daphne’s voice faded. The others watched her face as it glowed while she told them of Brian and Justin’s dance. 

The silence that ensued when she finished was broken when Deb let a quiet sob escape. 

“Sis, what is it?”

“I’m just so worried about Brian. He loves that kid and he thinks he’s dead, Vic! He thinks Sunshine is dead!” She continued to cry embraced in Vic’s arms. 

“We’ll find him, Deb.” 

“Has anyone called Michael?” Melanie asked.

“I don’t think anyone has called him. Someone should try though. He might know where Brian would go,” Vic answered her. 

Releasing herself from her brother, Deb went to the nurse’s station. “May I use the phone?”

“Certainly, just dial ’9’ to get an outside line,” the nurse replied.  
Deb picked up the phone and dialed her son’s cell phone. She was thinking she was going to have to leave a message when Michael picked up. 

“Hello.”

“Michael!” Deb sighed with relief. 

“Ma, what is it?” He could tell that something was wrong with his mother. “Is it Uncle Vic?” 

“No sweetheart, Vic’s fine. But…Justin’s been badly hurt. Brian went to the Prom and as he and Justin were leaving, another student came up behind Justin and hit him in the head with a bat.” 

“Ma, Is Brian all right?” Michael would always think of Brian first. 

“Physically, yes.”

“Thank God. Then what is wrong?” 

“He’s disappeared, Michael. He was misinformed about Justin’s condition by one of the nurses coming on duty. He thinks Justin died Michael. Ted and Emmett are out looking for him. I went by the loft but there is no answer.” 

Just at that moment Ted and Emmett returned. “Did you find him?” Deb asked, her voiced tainted with worry and desperation. 

“He’s not at Woody’s or Babylon. We went by the loft again and he’s still not there. We checked to see if he might have gone back to get his Jeep, but it is still in the hotel parking garage. We asked some of the regulars to keep an eye out for him.” 

Deb’s face and heart sunk. Where could he be? “Michael, do you know of any place he might have gone? Somewhere that maybe only you know of?” 

“I’m not sure, Ma, but he’ll turn up. He’s probably just trying to deal with this in his own way. Don’t worry.”

“DON’T WORRY!!” Deb shrieked. “Michael, we have to find him! Justin is NOT dead! He needs to be here! He is out there mourning for his lover, who he hasn’t truly lost! How can you tell me NOT to worry!!”

“Damn Ma, don’t yell at me! I’m on the other side of the country. I’ll get the next flight home!! I’ll call you when I find out what time I’ll be there.”

Hanging up with Michael, Deb turned back to everyone. “Michael is going to get the next flight back home. He didn’t know where Brian might be, but he seemed to believe that Brian would turn up.”

Jennifer came out of Justin’s room and looked at the collection of people who had become Justin’s family and by extension hers. She was so grateful that they were there. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep it together without their support. 

Lindsay walked over to her. “How is he doing?” she asked.

“He just looks like he’s sleeping. He looks so small and frail,” Jen replied and Lindsay clutched Gus closer to her. She couldn’t believe how well Jen seemed to be handling all of this. She didn’t think she would be as strong. 

Mel walked over and touched Lindsay’s arm. “Honey, I think we should get Gus home.”

“Yes girls, take Gus home. I really appreciate you being here, but right now there really isn’t anything that you can do,” Jennifer told them. 

“Okay. Well we will check in with you later. Call us if there is anything that you need,” Lindsay said, bundling up Gus. Collecting the rest of their things, Mel and Lindsay left with Gus. 

Jennifer turned to Deb and Vic. “I have a huge favor to ask of you.”

“Whatever you need, sweetie. You just name it!” Deb replied, some exuberance returning to her voice, now that she had a purpose again. 

“Would you mind if Molly stayed with you for a few days. She’s staying at the neighbor’s tonight. They’re going to bring her here tomorrow, so that she can see Justin, but I don’t think I can leave him just yet,” Jennifer asked her voice starting to quiver. 

“Absolutely! She can stay with us as long as she needs to. We’ll see to it that she’s looked after and gets to school. Won’t we, Vic?”

“Yes. Not a problem at all.” 

“Thank you so much!” At that point, realizing that her daughter would be cared for, she collapsed into Debbie’s arms and wept. 

 

**~~**

“I can’t imagine where he is. He’s got to be hurting so badly right now,” Lindsay said with a tearful voice. 

“I still can’t fathom that he went to the Prom. I never thought I’d say this, but I think he really does love Justin,” Melanie said. 

Lindsay looked over at her partner and smiled. Brian wouldn’t believe that Mel said a kind word about him. She had had a growing suspicion about Brian’s feelings when he had tried to run away to New York when that job had materialized. Justin was getting too close and Brian just couldn’t let that happen. She wondered what had made him decide to go to the Prom. Had he finally decided that the effort it was taking to push Justin away wasn’t worth it? That admitting to his feelings could actually be the better thing to do. That simply loving Justin was easier. She didn’t really know. All she knew was that she was scared. Because if Brian had finally decided to let Justin in behind all those carefully constructed walls, it had to be devastating to him to think that Justin had so quickly been taken from him. 

As they pulled into the driveway of their home Melanie noticed that the red flag on the mailbox was up. “Lindsay, did you put something in the mail?” 

“No, why?”

“The red flag is up.”

With a knot growing in her stomach she turned to Mel and with a scared tone said, “Get Gus, I’ll go see what it is.”

She approached the mailbox and hesitantly opened it. She pulled out an envelope that simply had her name on the front…in Brian’s handwriting. She opened it and read the words that Brian had written to her. Tears streaming down her face she turned to Mel and read her the note. Mel took the checkbook from her and glanced at the balance. She was startled to see the amount. Brian leaving them that much money for Gus only meant one thing. Brian was not planning on returning anytime soon. 

Lindsay stared at her son, the image of Brian and whispered, “Brian, you have to come back. Justin needs you.”

***

Just outside of Toledo, in Lindsey, OH, Brian was filling up his gas tank.


	2. Fractured Hearts

Brian pulled into the motel parking lot. He had been driving for hours, skirting the banks of Lake Michigan. When he began to see the lights of the Chicago skyline in the distance he realized he needed to stop, at least for the night. Walking into the lobby, he couldn’t help but think, “This isn’t the normal lap of luxury I would usually demand to stay at.”

“Good evening, may I help you,” the young clerk working the desk asked. 

“Yes, I need a single room for the night.”

“Your name please.”

“Brian Kinney”

“And how will you be paying this evening?”

“With cash.”

The pretty blonde girl finished entering the information and looked back up at   
Brian. “You’ll be in room 17, just down the hall and to the left. Enjoy your stay.”

Brian retrieved the room key, and went back out to his bike to get his duffel bag. When he got to the room, he stopped and stared at the room number, a memory overtaking his mind.

~^~ “How old are you anyway?”

“21.”

“What year were you born in?”

“1979,” Justin replied after doing a quick calculation in his head. 

“Bullshit, you had to think before you answered that, how old are you really?”

“20,” Justin said, saying like okay, maybe he’ll believe I added one year.

Walking to the area between the next two panels, Justin realizes he’s not buying it.  
“19,” Now seeing a cocked eyebrow and a knowing look, like ‘try again’. “18.”

“Well what is this a missile launch?”

Finally, giving in, “17.” ~^~

Brian opened the door, threw his bag on the bed, and let the door slam behind him. He went into the bathroom, took a piss, and splashed some water on his face. As he stared into the mirror he couldn’t help but not recognize his own reflection. This wasn’t the same “I-don’t-give-a-shit” Brian Kinney, the man who could face anything, the man who would tolerate everyone’s snide remarks and harsh comments, because the only opinion that mattered was his own. Now he just looked lost, with no one to turn to. 

He walked back out to the main room, pulled the pillows out from under the bedspread and placed them against the wall mounted head board. He collapsed against them and started to think. What was he going to do now? He had abandoned all ties in Pittsburgh, left his job, his son, and his family. Why? Because the one person who mattered the most, the one person that he wanted to share these things with was gone. He still couldn’t believe it. He longed to know why, or what he had done to deserve this type of pain. What had Justin done to deserve to have his life cut so short? He had so much to give this world and now it was lost. Why was it that just because Justin chose to love him, he had to die? The mere thought made Brian angry! Not just at the world, for creating those bigoted and intolerant views, but mad at Justin. Why did he have to love me? Why did he let Deb and his mother convince him to go to the stupid prom in the first place? Why did he go? The last question was reeling in his mind. 

“Why did I go?” Brian said out loud to himself. 

Brian closed his eyes and raked his hands over his face. His arms falling above his head he thought again, “Why did I go? Did I go just to prove that I could? That I could walk in to that ballroom and own it just like I did everywhere else? Did I go to make up for a time that I regret? No. No regrets. Just unfulfilled knowledge.” 

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that Kinney,” he voiced. 

He knew in his heart why he went, but it didn’t stop him from closing his eyes once again and thinking back…

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^---------

Pittsburgh 1989

Brian pulled up in front of the Novotny house. He couldn’t believe that Mikey had convinced him to go the prom. Well he wasn’t actually going to go to the prom per se, they were just going to get some alcohol, get a room, and get drunk. At least that was his plan. He laid on the horn an waited for his friend. Within seconds Michael came running down the walkway dressed in a really bad tux. Brian just shook his head. Only Mikey. 

“Hey Bri, you look great!” Mikey said enthusiastically. 

“Mikey, this is the suit I had to wear to my damn great aunt’s funeral last spring.”   
“Well, it looks nice.”

“Whatever.”

Brian put the car into gear and took off. 

Driving to an old area of downtown Pittsburgh, Brian pulled up in front of a liquor store. The front windows had bars on them, and the door had so much graffiti that you could barely tell the color of the original paint. Brian looked to Mikey as if to say “well” and Mikey released his seat belt and began to exit the car. Coming around the front of the beat up heap, Brian pushed Mikey toward the door.

Entering the establishment Mikey turned to Brian. “Are you sure about this? Won’t they card you?” 

“Relax Mikey, I’ve been here before, on errands for dear old dad. They won’t question me.” 

As Brian went to get the alcohol, Mikey stood at the front of the store engrossed in a comic book rack that he immediately found. Brian went directly to the aisle that housed the Jim Beam. He knew that one well. Securing the bottle, he went in search of some champagne. “What the hell, you only had one prom!” Brian thought sarcastically. Grabbing some pretzels and cigarettes he was ready to go. 

“Hey Mic, how’s it going?” Brian asked.

“Not bad, Brian. Picking up some stuff for the old man?” 

“You know it.”

“What are you so dressed up for?”

“Prom night,” Brian replied. 

“Oh, that would explain the champagne.”

“Yeah and the pretzels.” Brian smirked at Mic. He really liked this old guy. He never gave him any shit. 

“Well, here you go.”

“Thanks Mic, see ya ‘round. Come on Mikey, you can drool over the comics tomorrow at Buzzy’s” 

Dragging Mikey away from the comic book rack, they headed back out to the car. Pulling away from the curb, Brian pointed the car in the direction of the Holiday Inn and sped away. 

~^~^~

Brian pulled into the gradually filling parking lot at the downtown Holiday Inn. Securing a parking space he turned off the ignition and turned to his best friend. Mikey was grinning from ear to ear. Brian feared he was reading too much into this little “get together” of theirs. He had begun to get signals from Michael not long after they had become friends. He knew he could never be with his best friend in that way, it would ruin everything. He thrived on the attention that was bestowed upon him without thought by his friend, but couldn’t or rather wouldn’t take it any further. He knew that he shouldn’t lead Mikey on, but he needed him to stay close. He feared losing him. 

“Well Mikey we’re here. You wait here while I go get the room.” Brian said, while watching the excitement overtake his friends eyes. 

“Okay,” Mikey replied. 

Entering the building Brian saw that the “extravaganza” that was their prom had even seeped into lobby area. Students were all laughing and hanging on each other, taking pictures of friends in their regalia, as if they wouldn’t see them again on Monday. “My God these people act as if they are all going to disappear at the stoke of midnight,” Brian thought. “Hello, we still have 2 weeks of school left.” Brian just shook his head and approached the counter. 

“Hello, may I help you?” a young woman asked. 

“Yes, I’d like to get a room please,” Brian said with utmost confidence. He didn’t want anyone to question him. He wanted a room, no questions asked! 

“How many nights will you be staying, sir?”

“Just tonight thank you,” Brian replied in a businesslike tone. “I could get used to this, being catered to, demanding people’s respect.” 

“And how will you be paying?” 

“With cash.” 

“That will be $39.97 for the night,” she told him. 

Brian pulled out the forty dollars that he and Mikey had saved and handed it to her. 

“You will be in room 710. The elevators are just around the corner. Enjoy your stay.”   
“Thank you,” Brian tossed over his shoulder.

Brian returned to the car, collected Mikey and headed to their room. 

~^~^~^~

It had been a couple of hours since he and Mikey had gotten to the room. They had finished off the bottle of champagne within the first hour, and were slightly buzzed from the pot that Brian had scored from a ‘friend’. He had already had a couple of shots of Beam. Mikey had only had one shot and was fading fast. He never could hold his liquor. Upon returning from the bathroom he found his friend out cold on the bed. Tripping over the pizza boxes Brian made his way to the door. Checking to be certain he had the room key he headed downstairs. 

He wasn’t sure why he was going down there, it just seemed to be the direction his feet were moving. He stopped at the doorway to the ballroom. Just stood there. A couple walked past him and sneered at him. Brian just flipped them off and turned to leave. As the couple opened the door, he heard the strains of the music and the laughing from all those who were deemed worthy to be there. He turned back around and went back to the door. Reaching out for it he once again hesitated. What good would it do to go in? He wasn’t concerned with the revelry that was going on inside. He rarely associated with these people. He had friends, just not any that would care about being here. 

“What the fuck Kinney, get a hold of yourself.” Brian spoke in an undertone. 

As he turned to head back to the room, he made a promise to himself that he would never feel unworthy of entering a room ever again.

 

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Returning from his jaunt down memory lane, Brian knew he needed to get out of this room. It was making him think too much, something he didn’t want to do. He remembered seeing a bar across the street and decided it had to be better than staring at the hideous wall in his room. Grabbing his keys, wallet, cigarettes, and the room key off the nightstand, he headed out. 

Crossing the street Brian saw the neon sign of “Jack’s Pub” flickering in and out. “Well isn’t this just poetic justice,” Brian chuckled to himself. He took the stairs leading to the bar two at a time and went inside. It was like most dives, dark, smoky, and a bar tender who looked like he had heard one to many stories. He distanced himself at the end of the bar, ordered a double Beam, and took to observing the others in the establishment. 

Brian’s eyes were first drawn to the loud group close to the pool table. They appeared to be regulars and were determined to let everyone know it. They were young, probably in their early twenties. The three young women were dressed as if they had just gotten off of Christina Aguilera’s latest tour, and the two men looked like they just spent the last hour drooling outside of the tour bus. They were of no consequence to him, he moved on.

At a table situated in the middle of the bar were two men sitting together. They were probably Brian’s age, both dressed in business attire, but lacked the crisp, fresh look of morning, their ties hanging loosely around their necks, shirt sleeves rolled up, and jackets draped haphazardly on the backs of their chairs. They appeared to be commiserating with each other about something, probably avoiding going home to their wives and kids. 

However, the person that really caught his attention was a slightly older man slumped in a booth just behind him. He was slightly overweight, but not fat. Graying hair, that was cut short. He had a tired look on his brow, and looked to be on his way to a wonderful hangover. “Ironic,” Brian thought to himself, “That could have been my old man.” Brian took another swallow of his drink and let his mind wander. “I wonder if he has kids at home? Does he belittle them at every chance? Did he hit them in a drunken rage and still show no remorse for it later? Is that tired look on his brow from putting up with the things he never wanted? Or is it from realizing that he‘s stuck in his mediocre life and will never get out of it?” Brian was interrupted from his musings as heard the man begin to shout. 

“Get the fuck out of here Mary, go home!” the gravely voice of the man spouted. 

Brian finally noticed that a woman, all of about five feet tall, hair pinned up, in a simple blue dress had entered the bar. His wife. Brian mused if there had been any times when his mother had to go and get Jack. He didn’t remember any, but after a while he started to shut out everything that his parents did. 

“Bill, please come home,” the woman pleaded in a soft voice. 

“I said Get. The. Fuck. Out.!” the man again yelled, stumbling slightly with his rage. “I’ll come home when I’m good and ready.” 

“Bill…” the woman’s plea was cut short by a glaring stare from her husband. 

“And be sure that good for nothing son of mine has all his shit picked up and out of my way! Or he will be sorry!” 

Brian flinched. He glanced over at the woman and felt a keen sense of sadness wash over him. He had been nothing to his father too. His malaise even extended to that of his mother. He wondered if she had tried early on to get Jack to come home? Did she hope to make their house a home, not just a place to exist and hope to escape from one day? Had all of his father’s harsh words and treatment just warn her down so much that she escaped into her religion as her own form of pain management? 

 

But then he thought back to all the times when she could have intervened and didn’t. If not during the moment of Jack’s tirade at him, but later -- after -- did she offer some comfort? No. She just retreated into herself and left him there to flounder on his own. A mother wasn’t supposed to do that. A mother was supposed to love her child and protect them. Like Jennifer did for Justin -- or tried to.

~^~^~^~ 

As he figured it was with most parents, the initial response was to deny what they inevitably knew was true, that their child was gay. Hence the nightmare visit to the shrink where Justin had had his “I like dick” oration. He still chuckled remembering Justin regaling him with that story. Jennifer had surprised him though, he was certain that she would let her WASP upbringing rule her treatment of Justin. Openly love him in the privacy of their home, while in public sweeping him under the carpet, no need to air one’s ‘dirty’ laundry. However, rather than shunning him in public, she actively sought him out. 

Deb had told him how she came to the diner to see if Deb knew how she could find him and how not to loose him. It was obvious that she hounded Daphne to gain any knowledge of her son, God, she came to Woody’s to find him! She had shown up at the GLC art show to support his outstanding talent, which Justin always gave her credit for fostering in him.

The beginnings of his true respect for her came in the form of confrontation. Although at the time he hadn’t realized it. No, his reaction to the whole mess was quite the opposite…..

~^~^~^~

Ryder Agency, Brian’s Office

Brian had had a relatively quiet morning. His typical morning meeting with Ryder out of the way he was sitting at his desk fiddling with some green thing, when his office door burst open. 

“Hi, I’m Jennifer Taylor, Justin’s mother.” The blond woman said as she confidently strode towards him and dumped a bag onto his desk. Brian stared at her dumbfounded as she began to speak. 

“Okay, clothes, sketch pad, shoes, underwear, Oh, his copy of “Yellow Submarine” it’s his favorite. Did you know he wanted to be a computer animator?” 

“Well, no…” Brian barely got out.

“No you wouldn’t,” she replied curtly, she was forgetting something. “The check.”

Brian picked up the check she put on his desk, wondering what the fuck was going on.   
“What’s this for?” 

“Well Justin eats like a football player, and goes through clothes faster than I can buy them for him,” Jennifer casually told him.

Brian scoffs while shaking his head, “You think he’s staying with me?” 

“Where else?” Jennifer replied with a strong questioning tone. 

“Well I don’t know, but he’s not moving into my place,” He tells her with certainty while shoving the check back into her hand. 

“Well, he’s going to have to live somewhere, since he told me he’s never coming home again.”

“Why do you care what he says? You’re his mother, come and get him!” Brian said to her with a condescending tone. 

“If I came and got him, he would just run away, and I might never see him again. Do you know what happens to runaway kids Mr. Kinney?”

“They end up on milk cartons.” He sneers at her while leaning towards her. 

“OR WORSE! At least with you I know where he is.” She says as she begins to turn to leave to office of the man who has stolen her son. 

Leaning over his desk as if to knock the junk she has just given him on the floor, he calls out to her, “He’s not my responsibility!”

Making an abrupt about-face, Jennifer attacks with a fire in her eyes. “O YES HE IS!! You seduced him, you….FUCKED him, now he’s yours!!!” Pausing to compose herself, while Brian is still stunned into inaction, “Just kindly see he takes his allergy medicine, does his homework, and gets to school on time. And,” she pauses again, “…and tell him that we love him.” With that she was gone. 

~^~^~^~

“…and tell him that we love him.” That was something he never heard from his parents. He wondered if he was mad at her for just dumping her kid in his lap, or if he was mad because despite her obvious dislike of him, she still loved her son. He had gone home, totally ripped Justin a new one, but still managed to utter his mother’s last words to him. He remembered the acid taste in his mouth when he told Justin, “oh, and by the way she sends her love.” He really hated that word, and the cynical side of him wanted to believe that the only reason she had said it was to keep up appearances, that she really didn’t mean it. 

Time and again she had proved him wrong. The family pow-wow that had taken place later that same week reinforced Brian’s knowledge that Jennifer did love Justin. She wanted him to come home. She truly wanted to keep her family intact. She had handled Craig well, until the very end. When he set those fucked up rules, Brian knew he had to do something. He had lived with enough hate in his life to realize that no matter what his feelings for Justin were, he didn’t deserve to be tethered and bound to a life that required him to deny who he was. 

The voice of the bartender interrupted his thoughts and returned him to the present. 

“Do you want another?” 

Slightly startled by the man‘s voice, he shook of the memories that clouded his head. He came here to keep himself from thinking not dive deeper into his psyche. “No. Here you go,” Brian laid a twenty on the bar and got up to leave. He noticed that the older man had returned to his booth, and that the woman was no longer in sight. 

“Hey, what happened to that lady who had come in?” Brian asked. 

“Oh, you mean Mary?”  
“Yeah.”

“She headed home. It’s a typical occurrence. We’ll see that Bill gets home okay, he’ll sleep it off, and then tomorrow he’ll…”

Brian cut him off, “Yeah, I know.”

~^~^~^~

Stepping out in to the crisp night air, Brian took a deep breath and exhaled. Well what was he going to do now? Going to the bar hadn’t helped cure his need to not think. He conceded to the fact that he would just have to go back to his room and try to sleep. He didn’t know how long he would be staying here, nor where he would go next, just that he was going to keep going. The farther away he was from Pittsburgh and all the shit he left behind the better. 

He walked back into the hotel lobby and began to make his way to his room. His stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten in over a day. He didn’t want to go back out and it was certainly to late for room service, so it looked like he would be seeing what the vending machines had to offer. Walking into the alcove that housed the machines he groaned at the lack of choices, almost half the machine was empty. “Fuck, don’t they ever refill these fucking things?” he sighed and tried to determine which selection looked the least stale and the least likely to kill him. If Justin was good for one thing it was always making sure he ate…

Digging into his pocket, he pulled out some change, put the money into the machine, and chose the cheese and peanut butter crackers. He was about to go back into the hall, when he heard an argument beginning to ensue. 

“Christine, you are coming home with me right now!” 

“No Dad, I’m staying here with Daniel! He loves me and I love him!” she said with a heart full of certainty. 

“You don’t know what love is. You’re too young!” 

“I’m 17 years old, I’m not a child!” 

“Christ, Christine, he’s ten years older that you. What can you possibly have in common? Do you honestly think that he truly loves you? That this will last?” the man pleaded with his daughter. “He will only get tired of you. You haven’t even finished school yet. What about college?” 

“I’m still going to go to college, dad. I have no intentions of giving that up! Daniel knows that, and he supports me.”

“Sure, he supports you now, but what about later?” 

“Nothing about “later” is certain dad! We’ve made no firm promises for the future yet, all I know is that I LOVE HIM NOW!” 

“Well I certainly hope that he means it when he says he loves and supports you, because that is what he is going to have to do from now on. I can’t stand by and watch you give up your life for someone who I feel will only hurt you. Goodbye, Christine.”

“Dad!…DAD!!!”

~^~^~^~

Brian watched as the shell-shocked young woman turned and walked back into her room. “How easily parents seem to be willing to give up their children,” he thought to himself as he approached his door. He had for the most part accepted his fate, his early knowledge of his parents feelings for him made that a guarantee. He wondered why it was so easy? Gus may not have been in his plans for the future he had mapped out for himself, but he wouldn’t give that little boy back for anything. The simple touch of the infant’s small hand on his cheek the night he was born branded him for life. That small miracle was a part of him. He tried to imagine if there was anything that Gus could do or say that would make him turn his back on him, and he couldn’t. The perfect parent he was not, he knew that, but he would do his best by Gus. 

Stealing himself from his thoughts of his son, he thought of another father and son who were on the same path of destruction as the young woman and her father. Daphne told Brian of the constant yelling and arguing that Justin was enduring from his father up until the fateful night that Craig Taylor decided to put actions to his threats. 

Brian sat down on the edge of his bed, clutching tightly to his ribs in remembrance of a phantom pain that had vanished months ago. 

They were coming out of Babylon, it had been a great evening of just hanging out with the boys. They were light-heartedly discussing the better aspects of military school, since Justin’s father had threatened to send him to one. For now all Brian cared about was that he had Justin with him, so he was assured pleasure for the night. Pointing out the less than stellar sub-compact car that he was driving, he even allowed the guys to get in a few digs. Making his intentions known by possessively pulling Justin to him by his shirt, he bid his friends good-night. 

Sexily toying with Justin, and in a barely whispered voice he asked, “Do wanna come home with me?” 

Justin glowing with anticipation responded with a lustful, “Please!” 

Pushing Justin slightly away to get him to get into the car he turned to unlock the door. Then out of nowhere some bastard was sucker punching him and kicking him in the ribs.   
Feeling the man being pulled off of him, he looked up and saw Justin dragging the man away. The guys had come to his ‘rescue’, and Brian go his first look at Justin’s father.

With stubborn resolution Justin and his father had stood off. Wondering which one would be left standing. 

“That’s it Justin, that is it! You either come home with me right now or you never come home again,” Craig threatened.

The shock of his father’s statement lingered for a moment when Justin replied, “Never again” his anger building, “Did you hear me? I said NEVER AGAIN, GO! Get the Fuck out of here, GO! I’m never coming home again NEVER, FUCKING, NEVER!!” 

Coming up to the teen, Brian pulled him so that he could look him in the eye. “Justin, Stop.” Brian had said, trying to calm him in his arms. 

 

~^~^~^~ 

So much more happened that night before they returned to the loft. He still couldn’t believe that Debbie had collapsed from exhaustion. He remembered the uncertainty and lost look in Justin’s eyes that night. Brian knew he had been selfish in his initial concerns. “Well at least I still have all my teeth, and no black eye.” Concern for his outward appearance always took top priority, and he knew Justin would praise him on it. 

“You look great. You always look great.” 

Justin was willing to leave, not knowing where he would go, but he didn’t want to infringe upon him. Brian chided him thinking he was crying, but Justin turned to him and said he wasn’t some scared little faggot, and he wasn’t. Regardless of the precarious situation he was now faced with, the innocent young man he had brought home had a strength in his eyes that Brian had never witnessed. He may have felt uncertain, lost, and angry, but never scared or without hope. He had told Brian that he stood up to his father because he was hurting him. At that moment, Justin had no thought of the consequences to himself, just of the fact that his lover was being hurt.

When Justin had disobeyed him and crawled into bed beside him, he couldn’t kick him back out. He knew that Justin needed some form of comfort, and against his better judgment he silently consented to being that comfort. When he woke later that night from the throbbing in his ribs he watched Justin sleep. He contemplated the strength in the young man next to him. He honestly couldn’t believe that Justin had walked out on his family. For all his ranting to Mikey about needing to get out of his parents’ house, he knew he couldn’t have taken the leap that Justin just did a few hours ago. His reaction to his father’s ultimatum was pure honest instinct to do what was best for him. Ironic, he demonstrated one of the cardinal rules Brian had for himself, you can only depend on yourself. Some innate presence within Justin told him to jump, and that he would make it. 

Brian always needed a plan, never be caught off guard. 

Craig and Justin’s relationship only got worse. As Craig was unyielding in his determination to make Justin see his reason, and to adhere to his rules. Justin made efforts to reconnect his family, and hoped for the eventual acceptance of his father. What a waste of a dream! Jennifer and Craig’s divorce only hammered in a wedge between father and son. One that would not easily be dislodged. 

Recollecting all his thoughts of the night, Brian came to the conclusion that the quest for his life, of living to the fullest, never concerning himself with emotions, and to hell with everyone else was the way to go. Everything that had resurfaced in his mind resulted in some disappointment. Whether it was to reaffirm his lack of importance to his family or to point out that love is truly just a word used by the bards to make pretty girls giggle. No, love was as useless as he knew it to be. Caring for someone only got you hurt in the end. 

Unfortunately he couldn’t get the small voice in the back of his mind to shut up, it kept asking…

“Then what about Justin?”


	3. Fractured Hearts

Special Authors note: Dedicated to Acacia and Sun for their continued faith in this story and their badgering. Without them, I think this story would have ‘flat-lined’. Many thanks and gratitude to Gayle for taking the time to beta for me! 

\------------------------------------------------  
Pittsburgh, Justin’s Hospital Room  
\------------------------------------------------

Jennifer sat at her son’s side, his right hand lay gently in hers, their palms touching. With her free hand she carefully grazed her fingers over his as the tiniest muscles twitched unconsciously. Dr. Hamilton had just left, making his last visit before he went home for the night. Jennifer was grateful for the kind and easy manner that he possessed. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to handle everything if he had been condescending towards her. He informed her that he was pleased that Justin’s vital signs seemed to be stabilizing. His biggest concern was monitoring his blood pressure. It had increased due to the large amount of blood he had lost, and if it spiked it could cause a stroke. However, it was safely within normal limits, so the doctor was optimistic. When she had inquired about the tremors in his hand he had told her that it was an unconscious response to signals Justin’s brain was generating as it healed, and that they were actually a positive sign. There was no certain timeframe for Justin regaining consciousness, but Dr. Hamilton told her it could have been worse. She had looked at him with confusion and he had addressed her uncertain stare. 

“The gentleman who came in with Justin was exceptionally adamant about informing everyone of your son’s allergies and to use extreme caution when giving him medications. He said that Justin was even allergic to Tylenol.” 

A look of grateful shock passed across her face as he continued. 

“It was a good thing he did too. If Justin had had an allergic reaction of any kind, we could have lost him. With all the other trauma, his body would not have been able to sustain it. His information and his immediate call to 911 contributed greatly to saving Justin’s life!” 

His last statement still echoed in her ears. Jennifer was so determined to lay the blame on Brian, that she hadn’t even considered that he did everything within his power to get Justin to care as quickly as possible. Another twitch of Justin’s fingers drew her mind away from Brian, it would return there soon enough. As she turned to check the time, one of the ICU nurses came to record the quarter hour stats on Justin’s vitals. She smiled reassuringly, as Jennifer watched her face to see if there was any change that was not good. The worry in her eyes prompted the nurse to speak. 

“He is still very stable Mrs. Taylor. His blood pressure has leveled out and stayed within the proper ranges now for the last 2 hours, that is really good. And if his respiration stays adequate, Dr. Hamilton said that they may take him off the respirator soon.” She smiled again and turned to leave. Just as she got to the door she turned back. “Mrs. Taylor, talk to him. It has been shown that many patients even when in a coma can hear you. It may even help. The body needs time to heal, which is usually the reason someone may slip into a coma. But I sometimes think, that after a severe trauma like Justin sustained, it is fear that keeps them in it longer. If he knows that you are here and that others are very concerned about him it may help.” 

“Thank you.” Jennifer replied. “He does have a number of friends and family who are extremely anxious for him to return to us.” 

“You’re welcome. If you need anything, I’ll just be right outside.” She left Jennifer with her son. 

\----~^~^~^~----

Novotny Residence 

“Vic I’m going to go back to the hospital and sit with Jen for a while. I don’t like to think of her sitting there all by herself.” Deb said while reaching for her coat and keys. 

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?” Vic asked. 

“No sweetie, that’s okay. I was hoping you could stay here in case Michael called. He said that he would call with his flight information. Plus maybe he has come up with some idea where Brian might have gone.” 

“Well I’ll ask him again just in case. Give me a call? Let me know if there have been any changes?” Vic asked with a catch in his voice, rolling his lips into his mouth, trying to control the emotions that were brewing behind his eyes. 

Debbie crossed the small space and enclosed her brother in her arms. Vic let a few stray tears fall for the young men with whom he had formed an indelible bond with. Brian had always been the son that he never had, and Justin captivated all the strength and pride that Vic only hoped he portrayed to others. He silently prayed that fate would not separate them permanently, when it seemed that they had finally found each other. 

Vic was the one who had sat and held Daphne once she arrived at the hospital. Through her broken whimpers she had painted a beautiful verbal picture of the entire dance that Brian and Justin shared at the Prom. He was certain that Brian’s gesture of coming to the prom was his own silent way of letting Justin know how much the young man meant to him. That he loved him. Vic’s greatest fear, outside of the uncertainty still revolving around Justin, was that Brian would shut down completely. That if…no not if, when Justin came out of his coma, Brian would push Justin away, determined that he was not worthy of Justin or his love. The scars from his childhood ran that deep. 

Not wanting to worry Deb with his contemplative silence, Vic composed himself and looked up at his sister with a thankful smile. 

“You better get going. I’ll be alright.” Vic stated. 

“I know you will. This is so difficult on all of us. I can only imagine the horror that Brian must be feeling right now. I still can’t believe that nurse made that kind of mistake. How could someone be so incompetent to give that type of information without confirming it!!” Deb raged. The anger she felt over the entire sequence of events that spiraled out of control was bubbling close to the surface. She had cried her tears with Jen while they waited, not so patiently at the hospital, for news about Justin. Now she was just plain mad! 

“Deb, please, you have to calm down. I can only imagine that the young nurse it beating herself up enough as it is. I’m certain it was not her intention to give the wrong information.” Vic replied, while soothingly rubbing his hands up and down Deb’s arms. 

“I know, I just needed someone to be mad at.” Debbie answered him with a small smile. 

“Well I can provide you with an outlet for that. Chris Hobbs is the one who should be the object of your anger. His hate and total disregard for human life, set all of this current turmoil into motion.”

“I can’t believe that little bastard! We are going to do everything possible to make sure that little shit pays for what he did to Sunshine! I’ll get my PFLAG group, hell I’ll get all the PFLAG groups, and everyone I can think of…” 

“Deb, slow down. Go see Jen. Focus your energy on helping her right now. I don’t remember seeing Justin’s father at all. Which I’m sure is only compounding the torment she is dealing with. Besides, I just remembered another good reason to stay home. I’ll make sure Mikey’s, well I guess, it’s Justin’s old room is ready for Molly.” Vic calmly reminded his sister. She was over zealous to a fault at times, and needed to be reminded of the immediate good she could do. “We will worry about getting the PFLAG brigade organized later. Once we know more.” Vic said with a look and tone of pride in his demeanor, that this formidable woman in front of him was his sister. He was so proud of her. 

“Alright Vic, I know I get carried away!” She said chuckling. “I’ll call after I get to the hospital and get the latest from Jen.” And she was off. 

\--~^~^--

Vic busied himself changing the sheets on the bed in Justin’s room and clearing out a couple of drawers from the chest that still housed some of Mikey’s things. He wanted the youngest member of the Taylor family to feel as comfortable and welcome as possible, considering the reasons for her stay. He could only imagine how all this was affecting her.  
Just as he was placing Mikey’s things into a storage box the phone rang.

“Hello.” 

“Vic?”

“Yes. Lindsay?”

“Yeah.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Do you know if anyone has heard from Brian yet?” Lindsay wondered if anyone else had been left a letter. 

“No, I don’t think so. I’m waiting to hear back from Michael, he was going to call with his flight information as soon as he got a flight home. I was hoping that he might come up with a possibility of where Brian might have gone.” Vic replied. 

“Vic, when Mel and I got home, there was a letter in our mailbox. It was from Brian.” She hesitated, still trying to absorb her fears that Brian had left for good. 

“Did he give any clue as to where he was?” Vic asked, not even considering that Brian would leave town. “Lindsay?” He asked when she didn’t respond. 

“Sorry.” She paused, trying to compose herself. “Vic, he’s left town.” She said with still a hint of disbelief in her voice. “Enclosed with the letter was checkbook; it is a duel account that listed both Brian and myself. I’m still trying to comprehend the amount of money that he put into it. But he said that I should use it for anything Gus or I need. He said he had to get away, and not to let Gus think that he didn’t love him.” Her voice was beginning to crack. “Vic, I’m scared. I don’t know what he’ll do. I can’t imagine a time when Brian was so distraught that he would run.” She was crying at this point, and Vic was still trying to get his brain around the fact that Brian had run away. 

“Lindsay, let’s try to really think about this. Brian’s whole life is here. What about his job?” Vic was trying desperately to reel in Lindsay’s fears all the while pushing thoughts that he just didn’t want to contemplate out of his own mind.

“I don’t know Vic. He left Gus and I the means to carry on without him for a long time. I have to believe that if he was willing to leave his son, his job wouldn’t be any more difficult to abandon. Vic, even Mel is worried!” 

“Okay Linds, we can’t do anything right now. Deb just left to go see Jen, and I’m not too sure we should share this information with either of them just yet. I’ll let Mikey know when he calls, maybe he’ll be able to come up with something.” 

As Lindsay was going to respond, the call waiting on Vic’s phone clicked. “Lindsay that’s the other line, maybe it’s Michael. I’ll call you back!”

“Okay Vic, I’ll be here.” Lindsay hung up the phone, and Vic clicked the ‘flash’ button on the phone to take the other call. 

“Hello.”

“Hey, Uncle Vic. I’ve got my flight info.” 

“Okay, let me grab something to write with.” Grabbing a pen, “Go ahead.”

“I’ll be coming in on United flight 1102 arriving in the Pitts at 1:40 pm tomorrow afternoon. It was the best I could do.” Michael said. 

“That’s fine Michael. Someone will be there to pick you up, probably one of the boys. Your mom may be at the hospital with Jennifer, and I’ll have to be at the house with Molly.” Vic told his nephew. 

“Why is Molly staying with you?” Mikey asked.

“Jennifer needs to stay with Justin, and their isn’t anyone else for her to stay with.” Vic answered, a little annoyed. 

“What about her father?” 

“Mikey, Jennifer asked us if Molly could stay with us, and there was no question that it was fine that she did. If Molly could have stayed with her father I’m sure Jen wouldn’t have asked. Jen and Craig’s separation has not been going well. There must be reasons, but they are inconsequential. We want to help!” 

“Okay Uncle Vic, no need to get testy!” Mikey didn’t understand why his uncle was getting so defensive with him. “How’s Brian doing?”

“Good God Michael, did you not pay any attention to your mother when she called you earlier? Brian is no where to be found! And actually, I think he has run into a self-sentenced exile!” Vic was really beginning to get angry with his nephew. 

“I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. Brian always has to lick his wounds in private. He’s probably at the baths or hold up at the loft getting plastered.” Michael was so certain that he was the only one who knew Brian and how he would react. It was how he always dealt with anything painful. Not that Michael understood why he would be so traumatized. His mother had just said that Justin had gotten beat up…it couldn’t be that bad. 

Vic was quickly loosing his patience with Michael and had to decide if he wanted to get into an argument over the phone or take out his frustration on Michael face to face when he arrived. Opting for the latter, Vic spoke. 

“Listen Michael, I’ll make sure someone is there to pick you up tomorrow. I’ve got to finish getting things done here. Do you want me to have your mother call you when she gets back from the hospital?”

“No that’s okay, I’ll just talk to her tomorrow when I arrive. See you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Vic hung up the phone. 

Seething, Vic walked down the stairs and dumped the box with Mikey’s things in the basement with no concern as to where they landed. “He didn’t even ask how Justin was!” Vic mumbled to himself. Vic knew that Michael and Brian’s friendship was far from healthy, and that there would never be a time when Michael wouldn’t think of Brian first. However, he couldn’t believe that his nephew could be so unfeeling. The more that Vic thought about it, he wasn’t just angry at Mikey’s apparent disregard for Justin, but his description of Brian had blown him away. 

Vic took a few deep breaths and sat down at the kitchen table. Picking at the small pills on the woven place mats, Vic tried to calm his mind. He knew that he needed to call Lindsay back, but he needed to think first. After 15 years of friendship, could Michael really know so little about his best friend. The way he reacted to Vic’s announcement of Brian being AWOL, really surprised him. He thought Mikey would have more compassion for his friend. Despite Michael’s, and for that matter Brian’s, delusions about the relationship that Brian had with Justin, Vic believed that Michael knew that Brian at the very least cared for the teen and wouldn’t want to see him hurt. After all, Brian was the sworn protector of the group. He never shirked his responsibility of helping or defending anyone in their close-knit family. 

As the “father figure”, Vic knew that that was an unfair burden to place on Brian’s shoulders, but Brian seemed to need the burden. He needed to show his love through actions, words just weren’t good enough. Unless they came in the form of biting sarcasm and in-your-face truth, Brian had very little use for sentimental prattle. He could keep his vulnerability hidden deep within himself that way, defend himself from attack. Demonstrations of concern, care and love had to be tangible for the recipient and himself, something that would remain after words would fade. Vic thought that Brian’s motivation for this stemmed from the fact that the only reminders that Brian had from those who were supposed to love him were scars and the ghosts of the words that were supposed to make them go away. Unfortunately, Vic knew that Brian’s family and friends only perpetuated these feelings buy constantly praising him for the material items that Brian had attained and constantly going to him when they needed money. It was a wonder Brian had any self worth at all. 

Yes, Brian had more self confidence that any 20 men combined. He was successful in his job, he had a home that dazzled many, and well let’s face it, the man was breathtaking. But, it was all artifice, a ruse Brian had fashioned for himself at a very early age, his own coat of armor wielded to the finest detail. Vic had to wonder though, what about the man behind the ruse? Underneath the armor? They had all bought so much stock in the Kinney façade, why would Brian trade on a sure bet? A sad look passed across Vic features as he realized that Michael was the primary stock holder. 

Tomorrow was going to be a rude awakening for Michael. Learning that Brian had actually left Pittsburgh, left everything and everyone behind, with no trace of his whereabouts, was definitely going to send him into a tailspin. It went against everything that Mikey felt he knew about Brian, and Vic wasn’t certain he knew how his nephew would deal with that. Glancing up at the clock, he decided he better call Lindsay back and then finish up Justin’s room for Molly. He would deal with Michael when he got home tomorrow. 

\----~^~^~^~----

Justin’s Hospital Room

Jennifer sat in the cushioned chair that the nurses had brought to her, knowing that she wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. Her hands still entwined with Justin’s, she tried to think of what to say. The nurse said to talk to him, but what could she talk about. Her mind was a deluge of images and memories, all of which she knew would bring sobs to her body if she voiced them. Finally, she just began to speak. 

“Hi sweetheart, I’m here. I won’t leave you. You’re not alone. You’re scaring me and everyone something terrible Justin. Please, wake up sweetie. I need to see those baby blues of yours, please.” She paused hoping that her plea would be answered, but there was no response. Sighing she continued. “I guess you still need some more time, but don’t worry I’ll wait it out. You get some of your stubbornness from me you know. I’m used to talking at you until you get your butt out of bed.” She had to chuckle at herself, she did have to coax Justin out of bed. By the time Justin started the 3rd grade she had taken to going in to wake him up almost 20 minutes before he really needed to be up because it would take that long to separate him from the warmth of the sheets. 

“Molly is going to stay with Vic and Debbie for the next couple of days. I know you think I should go home to be with her, but I can’t leave you. I figured they took in one of my kids, so I knew I could trust them with Molly. She’s actually excited, she growing up so fast. It’s hard thinking that your children don’t need you any more. Maybe that’s why I’m doing this. You haven’t needed me for such a long time, and now you do. Couldn’t you have picked something a little less dramatic though? God, Justin why did this happen?” Jennifer felt the stinging sensation of tears behind her eyes and stopped for a moment to compose herself. She decided that hysterics would not be a good thing. 

“You have to come out of this you know. I mean, who will baby-sit Gus when Lindsay and Mel have some event they need to go to. Vic will surely be missing his early morning coffee chats with you. I bet you didn’t know that I knew about those. Vic told me once that they really started off his day on the right foot. And you can’t deprive Emmett of his favorite dance partner. He told me just Friday night before….” catching her breath, “before you left to get Daphne, that she was a lucky girl, because you were the best dancer he knew, well except himself of course.” She smiled at the memory of Emmett introducing Justin as he walked down the stairs looking stunning in his tuxedo. “I’m sure everyone at the diner misses you. Deb always says that your sections are never empty, because everyone loves you so much. We all love so much Justin, you have to wake up and come back to us.” 

Jennifer felt drained. She knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t grasp any one thing to hold onto. If Justin didn’t wake up soon she didn’t know what she would do. Maybe she would bring in Robinson Crusoe and read that to him. It was the first lengthy book that she had read to him when he was a small boy. He loved it. He liked the adventure behind it, the self discovery, and Friday of course. The character made him laugh. She remembered one time when he was mad with her and he threatened to run away to his own island and build his own canoe so he could escape when she tried to find him. She couldn’t remember what it was he was upset with her about, but that night when she went into say goodnight to him, she found him on his bed, knees bent toward his chest, the book resting next to him. He had looked up at her sheepishly and quietly said, “Mommy, will you read to me.” Looking at him now, she would do anything to go back to that moment. She silently let a stray tear track down her face as she bent down to kiss Justin’s hand, and then laid her head on the side of the bed. 

As she silently rested her eyes, her mind began to drift to thoughts of Brian. She still couldn’t fathom that he had gone to the prom. She had known that Justin had asked him and that he had without a question refused, so why did he show up? She just couldn’t allow herself to believe that Brian did it for Justin, no he had to have some ulterior motive. Brian never did anything unless it centered around him. Maybe that was what it was, an attention getter, putting himself in the spotlight, causing a scene. Everything around Brian was grand and spectacular. Suddenly an image came unbidden into her mind, a tear streaked face, dejectedly slumped shoulders, eyes so empty you could see straight through them, smears of red along the delicate neck, and a bloodstained scarf that only slightly held more blood than what appeared on his sensual lips. The picture of Brian that her mind conjured was not the Brian that she knew. This was a broken man, who appeared to have absolutely nothing, completely lost, all because of the unknown reality facing a young man fighting for his life behind glass doors. 

A young man he thought was now dead. A chill once again traveled up her spine as the realization of how true that could have been confronted her. Still recalling Dr. Hamilton’s words, “immediate care…contributed greatly to saving Justin’s life.” came rushing back to her ears. Brian did care. His desolate appearance when she first arrived at the hospital had confirmed that to her, even though she could only think to lash out at him. Instead she had sat next to him tightly holding his hand, as if he was her only life line. A wave of resentment washed over her, why wasn’t he here now? How could he abandon Justin now? Justin would undoubtedly need Brian when he woke up, no matter how much she didn’t want it to be so. “Why aren’t you here Brian?” she voiced her last thought with controlled anger and anguish. 

“Jen?” 

Startled by the sudden voice Jen turned nearly sliding out of the chair. “Debbie, you startled me.” She spoke with her hand clasped to her chest. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Debbie replied walking over to stand next to her. Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder she asked, “How are you holding up? Have you slept at all?” 

Reassuringly patting Debbie’s hand, Jen looked up, “I’m doing okay. I’ve dozed off here and there, but with the nurses coming in every fifteen to twenty minutes I haven’t really slept. In all honesty though, I don’t think I could right now. I need to be here if he wakes up. I can’t let him wake up alone and confused.” 

“You have to get some rest. You won’t do Justin any good if you run yourself down.” Deb replied reasonably. 

There were a few minutes of silence as Deb took in Justin’s appearance. “Has there been any changes?” 

“Not really. Dr. Hamilton came by about an hour ago I guess, and said he was pleased that Justin seemed to be stabilizing. He wanted to watch his blood pressure closely, but the nurse told me that it has been pretty stable and within normal limits for the past couple of hours, which is promising.” Jen answered. 

“I knew Justin was a fighter. He’ll come back to us I just know it.” She squeezed Jen’s shoulder to reinforce her statement. 

“Jen I’m going to go call Vic and let him know I made it here and let him know about Justin. He stayed home to get Justin’s room ready for Molly.” Deb told her from the door. 

“Thank you again for allowing her to stay. I called the Robinson’s while they were placing Justin here in the room. I told Molly that she was going to stay with them tonight, but that she would be staying with you and Vic starting tomorrow. She was actually excited. I think she misses Justin more than she lets on. They always bickered with each other, but Justin always tried to include her when he could. It made her feel important. When he moved out, there were times when I would catch her walking by his door and placing a hand up to knock, and then remembering that he wasn’t there. I hope that they will always have a strong relationship, like you and Vic have. That is why I asked you to take her, I‘m too afraid that Craig will try to taint her impression and feelings for Justin. His feelings are so obvious.” Jennifer finished with strong bitterness in her voice. 

“Have you been able to contact him at all?” 

“I left eight messages at the apartment he is staying at over the last thirty-six hours. I even called his secretary to see if she knew how to reach him, thinking maybe he was out of town on business, but she said that he wasn’t.”

“I’ll be right back. It will just take me a minute to call Vic.” Debbie turned to leave in search of a phone, glancing back to see that Jen had returned to her silent vigil at Justin’s side. 

 

\--~^~^~--

Returning to the room, Deb pulled up a chair, and placed a warm cup of tea in Jennifer’s hand and set a muffin on the bedside table. “If I can’t get you to sleep, I’m at least going to feed you.” Debbie said to her in that all knowing motherly tone. 

Jen couldn’t help but laugh, but there were a few sobs in there too. “Justin always said that when he was frustrated or upset, you would sit him down and feed him. Am I going to get the finger shaking and lecture too?” Jen turned to Deb and laughed again at the ruffled look on Deb’s face. She looked like she had just swallowed something distasteful and wanted to spit it out, but couldn’t. Soon Deb joined in the laughter realizing that she did tend to do just what Jen had implied. 

The laughter had eased some of the tension and calmed both of the mothers quite a bit. Deb wondered if she should bring up the subject of Brian. She had heard Jen’s questioning plea just before she entered the room earlier. She was just as frustrated about Brian’s disappearance as Jen surely was. Deb however was enlightened a bit more about Brian’s coping mechanisms than Jen was, as well as the reasons behind them. She didn’t want to allow Jen’s frustration to fester and build into anger. When they found Brian and told him the truth, she knew that Jen and Brian needed to work together to get Justin through everything he was bound to have to deal with. 

“Jen, about Brian.” Deb began. 

“Deb I can’t think about Brian right now. Justin is my only priority.” Jen responded. 

“I know where your concerns lie right now Jennifer, and I am just as concerned about Justin’s well-being as you are. But, I have to consider Brian as well. I have basically been his mother since he was fourteen, and I can only imagine how this is affecting him. My God Jen, he thinks Justin died. It has to be tearing him up!” Deb said trying her best to control all the various emotions she was feeling. 

“Then where is he? Why isn’t he here? How could he just leave us all here to grieve on our own? Christ Deb, I don‘t even know why he went to the prom. Justin said he wasn‘t going to come, that he turned him down.” Jen asked, beginning to let her anger get the better of her. 

“Jen you have to try to understand. Brian doesn’t cope well at all with anything that remotely requires him to be emotional. He learned at a very early age that emotion only got you beaten and hurt. So consequently, he hides behind false bravado and very thick walls that are almost impenetrable. But your son was able to find the weak mortar between those walls, and chiseled away at it until it started to crumble. I think Brian showing up at the prom was his way of showing Justin that he cared, and maybe even more.” Deb began to explain. 

“If he cared so much why isn’t he here?” Jen pleaded to be given some answer that made sense, overlooking the obvious. 

Deb knew that Jennifer was having a real hard time connecting the idea of death with Justin, so she was fighting tooth and nail to not allow that as an excuse for Brian. She needed to find a way to get through to her. Hoping if she rephrased the idea of death it would help. 

Taking a deep breath before continuing. “Honey, Brian thinks Justin was taken away from him. He is connecting his ideas of consequences for showing emotion with what happened to Justin. Going to that dance tonight, he was opening himself up more to Justin than he ever has to anyone, and by doing that Justin was beaten and hurt.” Deb continued, stressing the same words that she had used to describe Brian’s ideas on emotion. “His reaction of running and hiding is actually not an unexpected one. He probably feels the need to reinforce his walls. He is not doing this to intentionally hurt you or Justin or any of us. He’s doing it to protect himself, it is a well practiced mechanism for him.”

“If he had just protected Justin to begin with, he wouldn’t have to be protecting himself now!” Jen refuted, her anger was coming on in waves now. Her mind was the moon and her heart the sun, arguing over the tides. Her heart just couldn’t believe that Deb was using the excuse of Brian thinking Justin was taken away from him, when Brian had taken her son away from her. But her mind was telling her that Deb was right. Even thought Justin’s condition was still precarious, Jen knew that he was still alive and that the doctors had a very positive outlook. Brian on the other hand had no such hope to cling to. 

Deb, finally allowing her own anger to surface a little, and her motherly protectiveness to come out stated fiercely to Jen, “That is NOT fair! Brian did not have any control over the actions of that hateful boy who attacked Justin. Would you have rather Brian not been there and been able to get help? Because I can tell you, hate like that boy demonstrated is not provoked by a single incident, it builds over time, by being taught intolerance.” 

Deb’s loud voice gained the attention of the ICU nurse who entered the room. “Is everything okay, Mrs. Taylor?” she asked. 

“Yes, everything’s fine. I’m sorry for the disturbance.” Jen answered her in a defeated tone. 

“Jennifer.” Deb said in a much softer tone and reached out to touch her hand. Jen looked up at the contact and greeted Deb with watery blue eyes very much like Justin’s. “I’m sorry I yelled. It is not helping any. We are all under a great amount of stress and uncertainty. I know you need some way or someone to focus your anger on, but please don’t direct at Brian. He’s hurting too.” Deb’s shaky voice replied while a single tear tracked down her face. 

The two women hugged each other to share in the heartache they were both feeling. Jen pulled away first. 

“Deb, I’m sorry too. I know in my mind that Brian is not to blame, but as you said I need someone to direct my anger at, and Brian has been the primary recipient of that anger where Justin is concerned.” 

“Well, Vic told me earlier this evening when I was about ready to hunt that nurse down for misinforming Brian in the first place, that we need to focus our anger on Chris Hobbs. He is the reason this has all happened. His hate and lack of any compassion for human life has put Justin here.”

“I still don’t know why he did it. I know that Justin was having some problems with the students and even some teachers at school. I even went and tried to get them to allow Justin and Daphne to start the Gay and Straight Student Alliance, remember?”

“Yes, honey, I remember. I was so proud of you.” Deb said smiling at her. 

Jen smiled back with a slight blush in her cheeks. 

“You know, Justin told me once, that part of the reason he clung to Brian was because he felt that Brian’s own friends and family didn’t really know him. That Brian showed him sides of himself that he would never share with the other’s for fear of their disbelieving and snide remarks. And as ashamed as I am to admit it, he’s right. Many of us do expect the worst from Brian, and rather than disappoint us he gives us what we expect. So when I asked him how he figured this out and how he put up with all of it, you know what he told me?”

“No, what?”

“He said that you had raised him to be tolerant and accepting of other people’s differences, and that you had instilled in him an intelligence that went beyond anything he could learn in books. He said that his kind and gentle heart was all yours and your stubbornness too.” Deb and Jen both chuckled at that, Jen remembering how she had told Justin she was just as stubborn as he was only a short time ago. 

“Justin thought Brian was willing to open up to him because he challenged Brian and didn’t idly accept the gospel according to Kinney.” Deb and Jen both laughed again, it was such a Justin thing to say. “ I know you think that Brian has a lot influence over Justin, and I’m not denying that, but you need to be aware that Justin has just as much, if not more, influence over Brian. Justin has brought out things in Brian I never thought I would see. He took Justin into his loft, twice. He went after him when he foolishly ran away to New York City, and did you know that Brian was the one who convinced him to follow his dream of PIFA?” Deb asked. 

“No, I didn’t. I just thought that he was doing it to piss off his father. I had been slightly disappointed thinking that was his reason. Justin has always been gifted in art and I knew he wanted to pursue it, but I always just assumed he would go to Dartmouth and maybe keep up his art on the side. It was selfish of me to think he could push his dreams away so easily.” 

“Things haven’t been easy for you either, Jen. It wasn’t selfish, it was just something that you didn’t think you needed to worry about. I remember when I found one of Justin’s sketchbooks in the trash one day. He said there wasn’t any need for it. When I confronted him and he told me he had decided to go to Dartmouth to make Craig and you happy, I couldn’t believe it. He was so certain that if he did that, that things would be better between the two of you. He said that he had already caused you enough pain.” Jen was silently crying realizing her son almost gave up his dream to try to reconcile his parents, a reconciliation that would not have happened even if he had. 

“I didn’t think that I got through to him, so I mentioned it to Michael, because I knew he would say something to Brian. Despite Brian’s very obvious claim to being self-centered, he hates waste. I knew if he thought Justin was going to waste his talent and sacrifice his dream that he would do everything in his power to keep if from happening. And he did.” 

“I didn’t realize how much Brian did for Justin. I mean I knew that he let him stay with him, but I never considered that he gave much thought about Justin, outside of the ’pleasure’ he received from him.” Jen replied somewhat ashamed of her perceptions of Brian. She was getting a big education this evening. Maybe she needed to reevaluate her opinions of Mr. Kinney. 

“Jen don’t beat yourself up too much. You saw what Brian wanted you to see.” 

“Yes, but Justin tried to tell me and I wouldn’t listen to him. I just thought he was a love sick teenager and that he would get hurt.”

“There is nothing uncommon about that. You are his mother. It is your right to have those feelings. What you do, once you realize those feelings weren’t always correct is what’s important. Once we find Brian you need to let him know that you won’t try to force him out of Justin’s life. He will need a great amount of reassurance for you. If I know Brian at all, he is laying the blame for this on himself, even more so than you. It will take all of us to convince him that it was not his fault. We need to consider that he saw this happen, and it will always haunt him, just as it will Justin.” 

Jen looked at Deb with a new understanding and then turned her gaze to her son. Justin’s face was tense and he seemed to be trying to clench his fists. Jennifer wondered what was happening. Were the haunting memories that Deb spoke of already plaguing him? She began to consider the that fact that Justin may not remember anything when he woke up, but that in a dream state his mind would recollect it all for him in vivid detail. Her last thought was of Brian, “What are your dreams going to be like?”


	4. Fractured Hearts

Chicago, Hotel room #17

Brian awoke to a strangled cry, unaware it was his own. Sweat was cascading down his face, stinging his eyes as it mingled with his tears. The sheets ensnared his limbs as the images of his recent past haunted him. Collapsing back on the rumpled bed, Brian did his best to regulate his ragged breathing.

This by far had been the worst dream. He had been revisited by several unforgettable moments of his past with Justin. Life remembered as if on the big screen. New York City, a stolen hotel room, despair overcome by unbridled passion. His young man was being the aggressor and he found it sexy as hell. Letting Justin play with him for a few brief minutes until his primal urges took over and elevated the play to another level.

In the blink of an eye, he saw, blue lights, tangled sheets, two naked forms in the preamble of sex. Each desiring the other, yet Justin needed his mentor at the moment. Justin wanted to make a difference; he needed Brian’s help to achieve his task. So he reigned in his physical needs and began to talk.

\---~^~^~^~---

“I need your expertise.”

“I think I’ve given you plenty.”

Giving his lover a playful slap, “Your business expertise. It’s a tough sell, especially at St. James. So say I brought this concept to you at your office, how would you market it?”

“It’s 1:30 in the morning, and I’m horny as hell.” Looking at his lover like he is crazy to be asking him this when his cock is obviously hard.

A sensuous “Please” contains his brewing juices in his body, while he plots his ‘campaign’.

“Okay, you’re the client. Have a seat Mr. Taylor.” Justin, child-like, sits Indian style, with his own growing erection pointing at Brian.

“What’s so funny?”

“That’s just how I imagine all my clients; I picture them naked.” Standing and pacing the bedroom, “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay, so you have this concept, the Gay, Straight, Student, Alliance; let’s all live together, power to the people…that’s boring as shit.”

Angelically smiling, “I could take out an ouzi and shoot everyone; that would be exciting.”

“Well at least you’d get their attention. Now I have to figure out a way to sell it.”

“Right. How?”

“The same way you sell everything else…SEX.”

Questioningly, “Sex?”

“You want to get them in the tent, hand out these.” Pouring condoms over his lover’s head.

“Condoms?”

“You said it was an alliance, what better way for everyone to CUM together?”

Playfully they rekindled the heat of the moment, so they could cum together several times that night.

\---~^~^~^~---

This moment of playful fun, fast forwarded to a significant time, when the future of his young lover was teetering in the balance. Willing to sacrifice his own happiness, his own dreams, in a vain attempt to control the uncontrollable, Brian decided to lift the wire, and let some of his emotions slip out to prevent this from happening. His own upbringing allowed him to pursue his dreams and goals with a vengeance, having no one to seriously consider. No one in his immediate family would really care what he did, and those whom he considered his real family, would support him no matter what. But Justin’s life had been the complete antithesis of his own. Up until a few short months ago, Justin had had the unconditional love and support from his family. Even though his father would more than likely have pressed Justin to attend Dartmouth, without the knowledge of his sexuality, he could have been easily swayed to allow Justin to attend PIFA. However, the knowledge of his son’s penchant for men had led to a cascade of events that in Justin’s confused mind he was single-handedly responsible for. Bluntly confronting Justin, Brian unveiled his concern for Justin’s happiness as they danced and loved on the dance floor of Babylon.

In the blink of an eye he was no longer on the floor of Babylon, he was in a room full of eighteen year olds, shaking with uncertainty on the inside, but walking toward his destiny. Borrowing Justin from Daphne, Brian led his lover out to the floor.

“…baby don’t you know I love you so, can’t you feel it when we touch…”

Twirling, a blinding smile, a heart that beats true for the first time.

“Did you see their faces?”

Laughter, uncertainty, “Ridiculously romantic.”

Hope for a future.

Fear.

Darkness.

“No, no, no, no…GOD?”

\---~^~^~^~---

Reliving the terror and the panic that surged through him as the bat connected with Justin’s head, Brian glanced over at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to the hotel bed, 6:22 am. When he realized that he was not going to be going back to sleep, he pulled himself up and sat on the side of the bed sliding his hands through his rumpled hair and then resting his face in them. Taking a deep breath he stood, and headed for the shower.

Once in the shower Brian’s mind tried to remind him of rivulets of water dancing over hard bodies pressing against each other, lustful caresses bringing alive sensations that would carry them away into sexual oblivion. But he fought them, focusing on each task before him; washing his body. He turned the water off and stepped out onto the towel tossed haphazardly on the floor. He dried his body hastily, so as not to reminisce on how Justin’s gentle touch could bring goose bumps to his skin. Not concerned with the five o’clock shadow that was adorning his face; he dressed in his jeans, placed the blood soaked scarf around his neck, put his denim shirt on over it, then slid on his shoes and prepared to face the day.

\---~^~^~^~---

Hotel Restaurant ~ 8:30 am

Brian walked into the hotel restaurant hoping to get a halfway decent cup of coffee to jump start his day. He took a seat at the counter, turned the coffee cup over to indicate his purpose, and waited for the waitress to arrive.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the young woman from the night before. He shifted on the stool and noticed she was with a man that was obviously not her father. He guessed he was the man that her father did not approve of. Brian found himself sympathizing with the man and young woman. Craig had treated Justin with the same contempt as Christine’s father. He thought that was her name. Why did these men think that their children didn’t know their own hearts?

\---~^~^~---

At the booth behind Brian…

“C, maybe we should go back?” Daniel said, feeling guilty for the rift he had created between Christine and her father.

“No Daniel! I will not let my father dictate our lives. I have graduated, with honors, and I will be 18 in two weeks. I know where I want to be!” Christine was determined.

“But C, what if he is right? What if you change your mind? What if you can’t find a college here in Chicago? What if…”

Christine reached over and put her fingers to her boyfriend’s lips and smiled lovingly at him. This was only one of the reasons she loved him. He was always putting her first. This is what she wished her parents would realize. Christine had always been very mature for her age and had nothing in common with the high school boys with whom she attended school. When she met Daniel at a symposium on architecture and design, she felt an immediate connection with him, and it was a returned emotion. They began seeing each other just before Christmas and by spring were in the throes of a relationship that both of them knew could last a lifetime. They complimented each other so well.

Daniel was an architect, determined, and at many times a work-a-holic. She on the other hand was more laid back, and let her creativity come to her. She wanted to go to design school for interior design as well as minor in business. With Daniel at her side they would make an amazing team! She just needed to remind him of that.

“Daniel, do you love me? Do you want me to be here with you?”

“Christine, you know I do! I can’t imagine not having you here. But I don’t want to tear you away from your family either. I know they are important to you.”

“Of course they are important to me, but you are even more important to me.” Taking his hand in hers, “Daniel, I knew when I graduated from high school, and went on to college that I would be making a clean break from my family. We are with our parents for only a short amount of time before our lives become our own. My mother and father have always encouraged and supported me, wanted me to achieve my dreams. I know that they are just scared for me, and my father’s behavior confirms that. This is the first time, for the most part, that I have asserted myself, for myself, and not had the same goals my parents had for me. You, my dear, sweet man, are my future, for however long we decide that future to be. Nothing in life is certain, but with all the certainty I have in my heart, I know that with you, wherever you are, is where I need to be.”

“Christine, I know this is how you feel now, but…”

“NO! Don’t doubt me; don’t question my feelings for you. We’ve talked about this. I am so proud of you! You getting that job at DeStefano and Partners was a dream come true for you. I know you will be successful. And when I get my degree, you and I will be the best team out there. You know I’ve applied to three schools here already. I may have chosen to come here whether you were here or not. Knowing you are here only makes it that much better. My parents are only hung up on the ten year difference in our ages, they will soon forget about that, especially when they see how good we are together.”

\---~^~^~---

Back at the counter.

“She had the innocence and unmistakable determination that drew him to Justin. So certain about the future, certain he had one. One he should have had, had he not met me,” Brian thought to himself. “Had he not for a brief moment in time, thought that he deserved to be loved and could love in return, that love would not have hurt him. But his foolishness of thought had only confirmed his deep seeded belief that love only caused pain, and this time it had cost a precious life.” Brian continued to berate himself until his thoughts were disturbed.

“Would you like anything else besides coffee, hun?” the middle-aged waitress asked with a warm smile.

About to decline, Brian decided he better eat something. “Yeah some whole wheat toast, please. Do you happen to have any guava juice?”

“Sorry sweetie, we sure don’t. We have pink grapefruit through?”

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll have a glass of that as well.”

“Coming right up.”

Brian was thankful for the simple, unconscious kindness the waitress had shown to him. He was certain another waitress that he knew as a mother, would probably not have been so kind. He smiled at her as she returned with his juice and toast.

\---~^~^~---

The booth…

Inside Daniel was beaming with affection and pride. This confident and incredible woman loved him, but that small voice in the back of his head kept his hesitations alive. He knew that he would love her forever, but he couldn’t risk her success and happiness if he didn’t live up to her expectations.

“Christine, I love you. I know that you will be incredibly successful, but what if I fail you in your dreams for us. I just couldn’t bear to do that.”

Christine started at her lover as if he had grown a second head, or completely lost the one he had. How could he believe that he would fail her? He had graduated top of his class from college and was a well sought after architect; hence his being head-hunted and hired at DeStefano and Partners, a well respected and award winning architecture firm in Chicago. He was loving and compassionate. Did he honestly believe he could fail her?

\---~^~^~---

Brian had returned his focus to the young couple, eavesdropping on their conversation. Something in him just snapped as he listened to the young man doubt himself. It reminded him of the time Justin was going to sacrifice his happiness for the sake of his parents’ failing marriage. He just couldn’t allow it to happen again.

Dropping some money on the counter, with a generous tip for the kind waitress he approached their table.

\---~^~^~---

Christine was about to speak when a stunning, yet sad looking man approached their table.

“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I happened to see the altercation between you and your father last night, and I heard most of your conversation just now.” Pausing briefly to see if the couple would tell him to mind his own business, he continued when they didn’t. “I was once in a similar situation as you Daniel. My young lover was, like Christine, certain of the happiness that we could have together. I tried everything to keep him at a distance. His parents were…” Realizing he had just ‘outted’ himself to these people, he surveyed their faces for disgust.

“Please, continue. His parents were what?” Christine pressed, having no problem with Brian’s sexuality. Daniel seemed to have none either.

Clearing his throat, and believing he was someone else for telling his history with Justin to complete strangers he continued. “His parents were completely against us. Of course they were still dealing with the fact that Justin was gay. Learning that his first lover was 12 years his senior hit them like a ton of bricks. I tried to take him home once and his father would only permit him to come home if he denied who he was and who he loved. I couldn’t allow that so I took him home with me. We were okay for a while, but I was scared for a number of reasons, and gradually began my mission to push him away. I finally succeeded,” Brian said with a strangled sob.

Composing himself, Brian squared his shoulders and said, “I guess what I wanted to tell you is, Daniel don’t let your own fears and doubts drown the love you obviously have for Christine, because it is unequivocally clear that you are her heart. Don’t wait until it is too late; grab your life while you can. As Christine so knowledgeably pointed out, nothing in life is certain. You could lose everything within the blink of an eye.”

Brian began to turn to leave the restaurant; “Wait,” Christine’s voice stopped him. “What happened with you and Justin?”

“I didn’t listen to my heart soon enough and he was taken from me. I hope you two won’t let that happen to you.”

Brian again turned and left the restaurant. Daniel got up and went to sit next to Christine.

“What are you doing Daniel?”

 

“Grabbing my life.”

Brian turned briefly and saw the two young lovers sitting side by side in a strong embrace. He smiled sadly and began to walk down the street.

\---~^~^~^~---

Hallway outside Justin’s hospital room…

“Deb, I can’t thank you and Vic enough for letting Molly stay with you. She knows to be on her best behavior, and to help out whenever she can,” Jen said wondering where she had gone wrong as a mother. Why was it that she was unable to protect and care for her children?

Deb sensing Jennifer’s sudden drop in confidence, set forth to put her straight. “Jen, we are more than willing to help you out. You need to be here for Justin right now, and you are ensuring that Molly is being well looked after. You are doing what any loving mother would do during the circumstances.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m losing Justin and abandoning Molly?” Jen asked anguish in her voice.

“Jennifer, sweetie, you have been through so much in the past few months. You’ve learned that your son was gay, and that the man he loves is twelve years his senior. You’ve had to accept that the man you married isn’t everything you thought him to be. You are just starting out in a new career, and now your son is lying in that bed in there fighting for his life. It’s not surprising that you are feeling like you have failed, but that is the furthest thing from the truth. Both of your children know you love them and would do whatever you could to ensure their happiness.”

“Thank you Debbie. I guess I just feel so helpless. I have been trying to do so much and I never realized how overwhelmed I was feeling. Your words mean a great deal to me. I look up to you. You are quite a woman, and I only hope I can be as good a parent as you.”

“Oh Jennifer, you already are a great parent! I thank you so much for feeling I am too. Let’s just face it, we are both strong women who have and will do everything for our families that we can. We may not always be right, but we always have out hearts in the right place.”

The women smiled at each other and sat a moment in silence. While they were sitting, the elevator chimed announcing Molly’s arrival. Peggy Robinson stepped off with Molly, noticing Jennifer sitting down the hall. Molly saw her mother and immediately ran to her.

“Mom!” Molly clutched tightly to her mother as if she hadn’t seen her forever.

Jennifer held Molly securely in her arms, thankful that she was safe.

Pulling slightly away Jennifer acknowledged Peggy. “Hello Peggy. Thank you for taking care of Molly for me.”

“No problem Jen. She was fine. She even helped make breakfast this morning and did up the dishes. She’s such a great kid,” Peggy said. Jennifer beamed thinking maybe she was overreacting about not being a good mother.

“Peggy, this is my good friend Debbie Novotny. Justin has been staying with her, and Molly will be staying with her and her brother for a few days until Justin improves.”

“It’s nice to meet you Debbie.”

“You too Peggy.” Debbie replied shaking Peggy’s hand.

“Vic was busy when I left fixing up Justin’s room for Molly. He was trying to make it as ‘girly’ as possible.” All three women smiled.  
“Mom, Vic doesn’t need to go to all that trouble; I’ll be fine however the room looks.” Molly interrupted, reminding the women she was there.

“Oh Molly, Vic enjoys it. He is really looking forward to having you stay with us.” Deb told Molly.

“I’m looking forward to spending some time with him and you Deb. Justin always said he felt just as at home with you and Vic as he did with Mom and Dad.” Molly said looking at her mother, hoping that she didn’t upset her. When Jen gave her a reassuring smile she felt much better.

“Jen, how is Justin doing?” Peggy asked hesitantly.

“Well he has stabilized over the past few hours. His blood pressure looks to be staying within normal limits, but he is still in a coma. They can’t say how long he will remain in it.”

“I’m so sorry Jen. Is there anything else I can do?”

“Thank you Peggy. I appreciate your offer, and I may think of something, but for now, just keep him in your thoughts.”

“I will Jen, and please don’t hesitate to call if you think of anything you need; even if it is just to bring you something from the house.” Peggy replied, as she stepped toward Jen, gave her a hug, and took her leave.

“Thank you for bringing me Mrs. Robinson.” Molly shouted as Peggy waited to the elevator.

“You’re welcome, Molly.” Peggy replied as the elevator door closed.

“Mom, can I see Justin now?”

“Of course sweetheart. Do you want me to come in with you?”

“No, I’d rather go by myself. Is that okay?”

“Yes. His room is right through that door.” Jen pointed across the hall.

Jen watched proudly as Molly walked toward her brother’s room. She didn’t know how Molly would react to Justin’s condition, but wanted Molly to know that she felt she was old enough to deal with this. She would be there if Molly had any questions.

\---~^~^~^~---

 

Inside Justin’s room…

As Molly pushed open the door to Justin’s room, she wasn’t sure what she would see. The last time she had seen Justin he was just as she had always remembered him. He was teasing her, picking on her, with his glorious smile shining bright. She jumped as the door shut behind her and she got her first look at her brother.

He was ghostly pale, his eyes haloed with varying shades of purple and blue. There were small speckles of red seeping through the stark white bandage wrapped around Justin’s forehead. A machine was breathing for him, and bags of fluid were dripping slowly into her brother. A slow, constant beep could be heard echoing through the room indicating that there was still a spark of life left in her brother.

She approached cautiously, fearful that she would harm him in some way if she was too close. This couldn’t be Justin. He was always so full of life, and mischief. How could someone do this to him? Molly found her fear turning to anger at the thought of someone hurting Justin. Yes she and Justin had driven each other crazy at times, but she knew without a doubt, that if she needed her brother he would be there for her no questions asked. What would she do if he was no longer there? Her best friend was an only child and there were times when she wished she was an only child too, but in her heart she would never want to lose Justin.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a nurse came in. “Do you need me to leave?” Molly asked, not wanting to be in the way.

“No you don’t need to go. I’m just checking his blood pressure and making sure his IV is still okay,” the nurse replied.

“Will he be okay?” Molly needed some reassurance.

“I really can’t say, but he seems to be much more stable, which is a good thing.”

“Is he sleeping so much so that he will get better?”

“Yes he is. His body needs time to heal and it can do that better if he is asleep.” The nurse smiled at the smart, sweet little girl.

“Is it okay if I sit next to him? I don’t want to hurt him.”

“It is certainly okay for you to sit with him. You can even hold his hand if you want. His IV’s are in his other hand, so you won’t hurt him. You might even help him. It’s important for him to know that those who love him are close by.”

“Thank you. I wasn’t sure if I would harm him or not.”

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone now. Talk to him sweetie, it helps.” The nurse smiled one last time at Molly, and left the room.

Molly pulled up a chair and sat down next to Justin. She reached out and clasped his hand. It was warm, which belied the appearance of his skin. The nurse told her to talk to him, that it might help. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t ask questions because she would receive no answers. She sat silently then began to speak.

“Hi Jus, I think this is the first time I get to talk to you and you can’t interrupt me. The nurse said I should talk to you, that it may help if you know people who love you are around. I know I never said it very much, but I do love you Justin.” Molly stopped to see if her brother would open his eyes and tell her she was full of it, but there was no change.

Sighing she continued. “School is going okay. I got an A on my last science test. Mom put it up on the fridge. We are going on a field trip to the Warhol museum for art class next week. I was hoping you would have gone with me. Mr. Braden’s explanations of the art are always awful! Kristen wanted you to come too; she still has a crush on you.”

“Guess what? I’m going to be staying with Debbie and Vic for the next few days. Mom needs to stay with you so she asked them if I could stay with them. Vic will be taking me to school and then I get to go to Kristen’s for a few hours until her mom gets home and then Mrs. Carson will bring me back to the Novotny’s house. Vic is fixing up your room for me. Making it more “girly” as Debbie put it. I’m going to be invading your room; I hope it won’t be as messy as your room at home always was. Don’t worry; I won’t snoop, well not a lot anyway. I’m sure that Vic put away all your important, keep away from Molly, stuff out of reach.”

She squeezed Justin’s hand and turned more serious. “Justin, I’m worried about mom. The house finally sold, so she is busy looking for a new place for us to live. She seems to like her new job at the real estate office, and that definitely helps on finding a new place, but now you are here and she can’t worry about those things. I am doing my best not to get in her way, and to help as much as I can, but there are some things I just can’t do.” Her voice was becoming strained. “Dad only pays attention to me when he wants to get something over on mom. They were arguing about you again last week. I don’t understand everything that they are saying, but it bothers me that Dad would stop loving you just because you love someone he doesn’t approve of. Mom explained to me that you love boys instead of girls, which I know means you are gay, and I don’t really care one way or another. I’m just worried, that Dad will stop loving me, because I still love you and want to be in your life.” Molly was now crying.

“Justin you have to be alright! Everybody needs you. I need you. Who will be there to terrorize me on my first date, and defend me if my date gets fresh with me? Who will teach me all the cool things to do when I get to high school? Who will teach me to drive?” Trying to calm herself a little she said, “Mom and Dad sure can’t! I’d be driving like an old lady if they did.”

Molly whispered, “Who will call me Mollusk?” She laid her head down on Justin’s bed, holding his hand, quietly pleading that he would wake up.

\---~^~^~^~---

Chicago, Grant Park…

Brian was walking along Lake Michigan, down Lake Shore Drive. He felt oddly good about what he had said to the young couple in the diner earlier that morning. He slowly spun around taking in his surroundings. The Sears Tower loomed in the distance, the lushness of Grant Park shimmered in the early afternoon sun, and he noticed a small billboard advertising the Chicago Jazz Festival next to a bench under a tall oak tree. He crossed the street and rested his weary mind and body on the bench.

Being outside on a clear, sunny, ‘perfect’ day seemed unfair. Justin should be with him. His mother always said he would go to hell, but he never thought he would find hell on earth…but he did. Leaning back staring at the sky that paled in color to the blue of his lover’s eyes he asked, “Why can’t I have him back? Am I that bad, that he had to be taken from me? He was what made me good, making me better.” He closed his eyes hoping that some answer would come, but he was disappointed.

Sitting a few feet away, unseen by Brian, a young man in tattered jeans and an old John Deere t-shirt began to play his acoustic guitar and started to sing…

“Hey God I just lost a dear old friend,  
Hey God I hope he’s in your angel band,  
Hey God you know he believed in you,  
Just help me understand why you do the things you do”

Brian looked up and searched for the singer. Finding him behind him sitting on the grass he wished he could have an answer to that question too.

“Hey God send me down some comfort please,  
Hey God I’ll be down here on my knees,  
Hey God will we ever comprehend,  
The forgiveness and grace that lies waiting in the end”

“Oh there’s anger and tears,  
For all of the years that your children won’t have you to hold,  
Oh my heart has broken,  
The angels have spoken still I wish I could watch you grow old”

Brian’s mind flashed forward, realizing that Justin would never grow old. He would remain forever young. A desire he had wanted for himself, and was willing to act out just days before. Angry tears began to roll down his face, thinking that it should be him that is no longer walking this earth. Justin still had so much to give. It wasn’t fair!  
“Hey God I know he didn’t die alone,  
Hey God tell my old friend welcome home,  
Hey God please hear me when I pray,  
Pray for a little peace ‘til we meet again someday,  
Pray for a little peace ‘til we meet again someday.”

As the young man hummed the melody to a soft ending, Brian irately wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up to leave the park. Turning to the left he noticed the beautiful architecture of The Art Institute of Chicago. Justin would have loved to have seen it. He unconsciously began to walk toward the entrance. If Justin couldn’t see it he would see it for him. He stepped through the main door and instantly noticed a sign for an exhibit of pencil sketches by various artists. He immediately went to the hall that housed the works. He looked at all the drawings and knew that Justin would have had his work hanging in great museums. He came around a partition and saw a drawing that took his breath away. It showed too men, one tall, one shorter. The taller man had his arm around the other, and the shorter rested his head on his shoulder. Brian closed his eyes and immediately he was standing in Deb’s yard shot-gunning Justin with his joint, after the great rally at St. James academy with Senator Baxter. But what really haunted him were the whispered words Justin had spoken to him… “As long as I have you to protect me.”

Brian stared vacantly at the drawing with fresh tears once again painting streaks on his face. “But I didn’t protect you Justin. I let you down. I never should have come to the prom. If I hadn’t you would still be here. You could be amazing people with your talent. You could be giving me the love that I tried to push away. The love I so want right now.” Brian continued to stare through the drawing as he blindly found a bench to sit on. As the minutes passed Brian’s mind became as empty as a blank canvas. He couldn’t think anymore. He just wanted his memories to leave him.

A volunteer at the museum noticed the drying tears on Brian’s face, and approached him with a concerned look on his face. “Sir? Sir?” The older man attempted to get Brian’s attention. “Sir, are you okay?” Realizing someone was speaking to him, Brian turned to face the man, still housing the empty look on his face. Once again the man tried to shake Brian out of his self-induced haze. “Is there anything I can do for you sir? Someone I can call?”

“No, no one.” Brian said with a defeated voice.

“Are you sure? You have been sitting here for about 30 minutes just staring at this drawing. Not that that is unusual in a museum, but you had such a lost look in your eyes.”

“Yes, I’m sure. No one will be missing me. I better be going. Thank you for your concern. Concern for strangers is somewhat rare these days.” Brian gave the man a weak smile and headed for the exit.

The old man watched as the handsome, lonely man left. He wondered why he believed that no one would miss him.  
Approaching the exit, Brian noticed a small gift shop. He decided to stop and see what they had. He wanted to keep a reminder of his trip for himself. Maybe someday, if he had the courage, he would return to Pittsburgh and share it with his lost lover. He needed something small. He began to survey the selection of postcards that were available. He saw one that was an abstract of a mother and child. He hadn’t said anything to Jennifer before he left. He knew better than to expect her forgiveness or understanding, but he needed to contact her. He picked it up and continued his search. As he went to the next rack of cards he found one that showed a replica of the sketch that he had been so lost in. He grabbed it and headed to the register. Paying for his purchase he headed out to return to the hotel. He would collect his things and be on his way.

The last thing he did before checking out was to write his message to Jennifer.

“I’m so sorry I took him from you.”

He didn’t sign it. He knew she would know who it was from. He addressed it, and placed a stamp on it. He approached the counter and the young woman behind it.

“I’m checking out.” Brian said

“How was your stay sir?”

“Just fine.”

“Well you have no extra charges, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Could you see that this gets mailed please?”

“Certainly.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Have a nice day.”

Brian didn’t respond.


	5. Fractured Hearts

Authors Note: I am neither a doctor or a lawyer. Please excuse any errors regarding medical or legal information. I’m writing from the hip on these topics…I’m so glad this is fiction! Enjoy!

* * *

Vic pulled into the short term parking lot at Pittsburgh International Airport and parked Mikey’s nauseatingly gold Miata in the first spot he found. He still could not believe that David had bought Michael the car. Vic always felt that David was trying to buy his nephew’s affections, and that didn’t even mention the trip to Paris! What really bothered Vic was Mikey’s change in attitude since knowing the ‘good’ doctor. He was condescending and rude to his family and friends, which became overly apparent at the fundraiser for Senator Baxter. Vic still got a good chuckle remembering Mikey’s face when they all walked in, crashing the party.

As usual, Mikey realized he had been an ass, and made amends for his behavior. Now if he would only accept the fact that he was no longer an expert on his friend’s feelings, especially when they came to Justin. Michael wanted Brian to be as he had always been, reckless, wild, emotionally closed off and the stud of Liberty Avenue. Unfortunately his nephew was blinded to Brian’s growth, and the evidence of self introspection. Brian had opened himself up to Justin in a way that he never had to Michael, and Vic knew that this was the reason why Michael was in such a state of denial. It was going to be interesting to see how his nephew would react when he realized that Brian had actually left Pittsburgh. 

Turning off the ignition, Vic climbed out of the car and headed for the terminal. Once inside Vic found the arrival boards and checked for where he would meet Mikey. United flight 1102 was on time and would be arriving at gate C54. Michael had called and left a message for Vic to meet him at the baggage claim. Looking at his watch, he saw that he had forty-five minutes before the flight would arrive. Seeing the Seattle’s Best coffee shop, he got a cup and wandered around the shopping area to kill time. 

With only twenty minutes before his nephew’s arrival, Vic was walking past the Museum Store and thought he’d see if he could find a little welcome gift for Molly. He had the room all fixed up for her. Fresh sheets in pale yellow, two drawers in the chest cleared for her and some space in the closet. He had carefully placed Justin’s art supplies and school work in the desk, which gave Molly room on the top. He left some sketches that Justin had done hanging, thinking his sister might like to see some of his more recent work. The final touch was a vase of gerbera daisies on the night stand for a touch of color.

Browsing through the store, Vic noticed a cute night shirt with Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” on it. It came with a matching journal embossed with ‘my private thoughts’ on the top. He picked up the set and took it to the register. 

“Will this be all for you sir?” the smiling girl asked. 

“Yes, thank you. Would it be possible to get a gift box for the items please?” Vic asked. 

“Certainly sir; we don’t have any gift wrap, but we have ribbon with the Starry Night design that we can use to tie the box closed with.”

“That sounds perfect.” Vic happily answered. 

“It will be $31.69.”

Vic paid, and then waited for the young woman to tie the bow around the box. 

“Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome sir; have a nice afternoon.” 

“You too.” 

He had timed it perfectly. He exited the shop and headed toward the baggage claim area. 

\---~^~^~---

“Uncle Vic!” Michael yelled as he saw his uncle standing by the luggage claim.

“Hi Michael, did you have a decent flight?” Vic asked rather coolly.

“It was fine. A bit long to be cramped in coach but I made it.” Mikey replied somewhat wary of his uncle’s reception.

“How many bags do you have?” 

“Just one; I’ve got my carry-on right here.” 

“Well your flight is listed at carousel ‘J’ so why don’t we head over there.” Vic stated.

Michael followed his uncle trying to figure out why he seemed to be on his shit list. The luggage began to dump the bags out onto the conveyer belt and Michael focused his attention on finding his bag. When the navy blue duffel appeared he grabbed it and headed over to Vic. 

“This is it; ready?” 

“Yeah, I’m parked in short term, let’s go.” 

Shadowing his uncle as if he was a petulant child, Mikey hoped that he would soon find out what he had done to deserve the cold shoulder from his uncle. Quickening his pace he came up along side his uncle and asked the question that most concerned him. 

“So, has Brian turned up yet?” 

Vic turned looking Mikey square in the eye and replied, “NO!” Reeling in his temper he continued. “Now please can we resume this conversation in the car? We need to get back to the house, your mom should be home with Molly soon and I want to be there when she arrives.” 

The look in his uncle’s eyes told Mikey that he better just get himself to the car. 

Securing Michael’s bags in the trunk, Vic gave his nephew the keys and had him drive. They paid the $4.00 for parking and headed toward the Novotny home. They rode in silence for several miles before Michael was at his rope’s end wanting to know what was going on with Brian. 

“Uncle Vic…” Michael started only to be cut off. 

“Michael, before you start I need to let you know what has been going on here since you’ve been gone. Especially, how those events have involved and affected Brian. So please don’t interrupt until I’m finished.”

“But I don’t…”

“Understand? That’s why you just need to listen to me! Then maybe you will have a better idea.” 

Finally comprehending that he needed to hear what his uncle had to say, Michael simply nodded and waited for Vic to begin. 

“First off, I know that you think you are the resident expert on Brian, and at one time that may have been true. However, Brian is not the same man emotionally that he was just a few short months ago. He has grown up Mikey. Maybe not in every sense of the words, but he is beginning to explore another side of himself that he has kept buried for a very long time. I think he has always been aware of it, and at times even tried to demonstrate it, but we have never actually seen it, because it is overshadowed by his sarcasm and brashness. Brian has a very deep capacity to love and feel…” 

“I know that Uncle Vic, Brian loves all of us.” Mikey replied, wondering what his uncle was getting at. 

“Yes Brian does. So why do you continue to deny his feelings for Justin? Justin is a part of our self-made family now, yet you constantly belittle his importance; especially to Brian.”  
“Uncle Vic..”

“No Michael! You will hear me out before you say another word.” Vic paused to take a deep breath. The knowledge Vic was about to convey to his nephew was more than likely going to shake Mikey’s world, delusional as it might be. 

“Michael, do you know where Brian was two nights ago? He went to Justin’s Prom. Can you picture it? Brian Kinney in a room full of 18 year olds? Brian would not subject himself to that unless his feelings for Justin were very strong. He went there with no defense mechanisms that would work for him, completely open to ridicule and censure. He walked into that ballroom and claimed Justin as his. Actively searching him out, daring to expose himself and his feelings to the one person that could tear him apart. But he did it Michael. He and Justin shared a dance and a kiss, which according to Daphne was the most magical thing she had ever witnessed. Then in the blink of an eye it was all gone.” Vic glanced over to see Michael in a state of confused awe as he tried to fathom what his uncle was telling him. 

“Jennifer told me that when she arrived at the hospital, she had never seen a man look so small and broken. She was angry yes, but she clung to Brian like a life-line. He was all she still had left of her son. He sat stoic and statuesque, blood, Justin’s blood, staining his lips a burnt crimson. The dirt and grime of the garage, where he encased Justin in his arms, was disrupted only by the tracks of tears scarring his face. The white scarf robbed of its purity by the hate of ignorance and intolerance still hung around his neck.” Vic shuddered as the image he was painting curdled the blood in his veins. 

“You of all people should know how protective Brian is. Can you imagine how he felt? Thinking that he was the cause of the violence that occurred. Then to be told, however false the information was, that Justin died! Michael, that had to have sent Brian into a tailspin. He is missing Michael. Nobody has been able to locate him. Emmett and Ted have searched all of his usual haunts to manage his pain. I really think that this has sent him over the cliff.”

“I’m sure that he will turn up.” However the timber in Michael’s voice was no longer filled with the self-assuredness that he usually used when describing his best friend. 

“I don’t think so Michael. He left a letter for Lindsay.” At hearing this Michael finally started to feel his blood chill. “He said he had to get away. He left her a checkbook with a substantial amount of money in it for her and Gus. I don’t think he was planning on returning anytime soon.” 

The only sound heard was the spinning of the tires humming across the pavement. Mikey, for the first time was realizing that he didn’t know his best friend as well as he thought. So what kind of friend did that make him? 

\---~^~^~^~^~---

Three days later -~^~- Taylor residence 

Jennifer had finally been forced to go home and get some rest, Dr. Hamilton’s orders. She had been diligent staying at her son’s side trying to coax him out of his coma, but the attentive doctor could see the strain in Jen’s eyes as well as in her spirit. She would be no good to Justin if she wore herself to a frazzle. 

Molly was settled in at Deb’s and although very worried about her brother, she seemed to be enjoying finding out what his life had been like in the Novotney home. Molly loved the gift that Vic had bought for her. She never thought about writing down her feelings before, but now Jennifer never saw her without the journal. It was as if she was trying to find her own creative side. She was now surrounded by the energies that Justin had left in the room that she now occupied. Jen smiled to herself thinking about how independent and responsible her daughter was being. She wanted to grow up so fast now. The other evening when Vic had brought her by to visit Justin, she had overheard a brief bit of her one-sided conversation…

-~^~-  
Justin’s hospital room, the previous day…

“Hey Jus, I had Vic bring me over to check up on you and mom. I’m doing my best to be a good girl, and help out whenever I can. Vic bought me a really cool journal so I can write down my feelings. I really love it. I’m not really good at spilling my guts about everything, but this way I can write them down and deal with them later. I know you would probably say that I shouldn’t be afraid to admit my feelings, but hey I guess I got that from dad, he’s not too good at expressing his feelings either.” Molly paused thinking about her absent parent. 

“Anyway, I think you’ve slept enough big brother, you need to wake your ass up! I need your help to take care of mom. She’s been here by your side non-stop; she’s starting to not look so good. Not to mention Vic & Deb…they really could use us both. I have to remind Vic to take his meds, and Deb forever needs help with stuff around the house, laundry, cooking, cleaning…”   
-~^~-

Jennifer had stepped back into the hallway, and gotten some coffee with Vic while Molly finished her visit. She knew that Vic and Deb were probably doing just fine, but it was interesting seeing this more mature side of her daughter. She was going to be a fine young woman and make her proud, just as Justin had. Justin…it was hard being away from him. She knew that her son was stubborn and strong. There was no way that he would let this beat him…would he? It was that faint doubt that kept her mind troubled. And despite the fact that all of her outward feelings toward Brian had always been negative, she was very worried about him as well. She knew that if, no when, Justin woke up and Brian was not there; no she couldn’t think about that now. She had to focus on one thing at a time, first Justin, then Brian, and then…Justin and Brian together. 

Walking up the steps with four days worth of mail in her arms, Jen, zombie like, approached her bedroom, pushed open the door, and collapsed toward the bed. Sinking into the down pillow, she dosed forgetting the mail until she woke up. 

\--~^~-~^~--

Hospital, ICU Room 2

Spinning.

“I’m spinning around, then gently falling…wait where am I? This doesn’t feel right. Oh god my head his spinning and it hurts. Why is my hand cramped and constricted? Someone please help!” 

“BRIAN!” 

“Suddenly alarms and bells are going off all around me. Where am I? Where is Brian? Why are all these tubes in me?” 

“Justin, Justin calm down. You’re in the hospital, you’re safe. Try to relax. I’ll go get Doctor Hamilton.” The nurse who responded to the alarms stated. 

“Hospital? Why am I in the hospital? What happened? I’m so scared. I need Brian, where is he? Okay, I need to calm down; the nurse said I had to stay calm. Breathe Justin, breathe.” 

Doctor Hamilton entered Justin’s room and saw the fear in his young patient’s eyes. He slowly approached Justin and sat calmly next to his bed. 

“Hello Justin. I’m Dr. Hamilton. I’ve been taking care of you since you were brought in four days ago. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”

“Four days! I’ve been here four days! Why? What happened?” Justin asked in a much panicked voice. 

“Stay calm for me Justin. I need for you to tell me what you remember, before I can tell you anything.” 

“I was at my prom, with Brian, he came…” Justin paused slightly with a far away, sentimental look in his eyes. “…we were dancing to some cheesy song, but it was so perfect for us.” Tears began to stream down his face as he remembered. 

“Okay Justin, that’s very good. You haven’t seemed to have lost too much memory from the head trauma you sustained.” 

“Wait, head trauma, what happened to me doctor?” 

“Justin you sustained severe head trauma to your right temporal, sorry, to the right side of your forehead. From what I have been told, a fellow student struck you with a baseball bat while you were at the prom.” 

Justin sat it shock, just as if he was receiving the blow again. Who would have hit him? Why? Subconsciously he knew why, but didn’t want to admit it. The doctor was speaking again, but nothing was registering. He needed to see Brian. Feel his arms around him. Feel safe again. 

“Justin, did you hear me?” Doctor Hamilton asked.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Justin stared back at him, innocent as a small child. 

“I said that I will call your mother right away. I sent her home this morning. She had been here for three straight days and hadn’t had any proper rest. She will be so happy that you are awake. I’m going to send you down for a series of tests to confirm that there are no other complications from your injury. Then once your mother arrives we will discuss what will happen next. You just try to rest and relax. A nurse will be in shortly to take your vitals, and get you ready to go down to radiology.” Doctor Hamilton left before Justin had any chance to reply. 

\--~^~-~^~--

Taylor Residence. 

Jennifer had slept for about an hour and a half, before she woke. The mail was still sitting next to her on the bed. She sat up, leaning against the headboard and began to sort through it. Bills, junk, another bill…a postcard? Jen looked at the painting on the front. It was one of her favorites, it always reminded her of Justin when he was a baby. She turned it over and gasped at the written words. Just as she was about to pick up the phone to call Deb, it rang. 

“Hello.” 

“Mrs. Taylor?”

“This is she.”

“This is Dianne from the ICU unit at Alleghany General, Justin is awake!” 

“He’s awake?”

“Yes, ma’am. The doctor is sending him down to radiology for some tests. Dr. Hamilton would like for you to be here when Justin returns. He woke up in a frightened state.”

“Of course! I’ll be right there!”

“Now Mrs. Taylor, stay calm, you won’t do Justin any good if you get into an accident. He will be in radiology for at least an hour. So take your time, so you arrive safely.” The nurse knew how loved ones reacted. She had to smile about it. It was nice to see so much love and concern still in the world. 

Taking a deep breath, Jennifer calmly replied. “Okay, Thank you Dianne. I’ll be there shortly, but safely.” 

Jen was still clasping the postcard tightly in her hand. She realized that she was going to have to figure out what she was going to tell Justin about Brian. Of course she knew nothing of what Justin remembered, but she was certain that the debonair, hazel eyed man was still engrained in Justin’s mind. She grabbed her purse, carefully placing the card inside; made sure she had her cell phone & keys, and then headed out the door. She would call Deb on the way to the hospital. 

Once in the car, Jen picked up her cell phone and called Deb. 

“Liberty Diner, Deb speaking.”

“Deb, it’s Jen, Justin is awake!” 

“Oh sweetie, that’s wonderful! Do you need me to do anything, call anyone else? Should I have Vic bring Molly to the hospital?” 

“Deb slow down a minute. I’m on my way to the hospital now, but I would really appreciate it if you could meet me there. I need to talk to you about Brian.”

“Jen honey, what is it?” Deb could sense something in Jen’s voice that made her worry.

“I received a postcard in the mail. It wasn’t signed, but I know it was from Brian. It simply said, ‘I’m sorry I took him from you.’ It had a postmark from Chicago, but that is all. I don’t know what to do. I have to focus on Justin right now, but I know he will ask about Brian. That is if his memory is still fine. The hospital didn’t give me any details about his condition, just that they were sending him down for a bunch of tests.” 

“Okay Jen, I’ll be there at the hospital in half an hour.” 

“Thanks so much Deb! I could really use the support.” 

“Don’t you worry about a thing, we will figure everything out. See you soon”

The call ended, Debbie yelled to the cook, that she was leaving early, and to have Kiki watch the front. She had to get to the hospital. 

 

\---~^~^~^---  
Alleghany General, ICU waiting room

Deb sat in a chair next to Jennifer reading and re-reading the postcard that Brian had sent. Silent tears slid down her cheeks as she ached for her lost boy. Brian may have always caught the brunt of her temper and blame, but he was also her most prized son. Yes she loved Michael with all of her heart and soul, but she loved Brian in a way that even she couldn’t describe. It shook her to the core that Brian thought he had taken away a precious life. It still enraged her that he had been misinformed, no matter how innocent the mistake was.

Jennifer broke in interrupting her thoughts. “What should I do Deb? I don’t know if I should tell Justin or not. He is going to have so much to deal with. I just can’t cause him any undue pain.”

“Jen, honey, you have to tell him! He will go out of his mind if you don’t. The nurse told you that he remembered the prom and the dance he shared with Brian; and that Brian’s name was who he called for when he first regained consciousness. You know your son’s stubbornness, he will demand to know.” Deb said. She had seen the growing closeness that Justin harbored for Brian and was certain that Justin would see through any false information regarding the one he loved. 

“I just don’t know what to tell him?” Jen agonized. 

“Would it help if I told him?” Deb asked. “I’ve known Brian for such a long time, maybe I can help Justin understand why he felt he needed to leave.” 

“Oh Debbie, I couldn’t ask that of you.” 

“It’s okay. You know I consider Justin another son; I want to be able to help. You will have to be there for him in ways that you may not have had to before. This will be one less burden you will have to handle. Plus I’m afraid you will be left to deal with the aftermath and day to day repercussions of Brian’s absence.”

“You’re right, I hadn’t thought about that.” Jennifer said with a slight chuckle. “You may be called upon to help more than you think.” 

“Well you know how to find me. I will do whatever I can, whenever I can.” 

“I don’t know how to thank you Deb. Your help and support has really kept me above water these last few days, Vic as well. Actually, Justin’s self-made family has all been a godsend.” 

Before Deb could reply, Melanie and Lindsay arrived with Gus. 

“Jennifer, I’m so relieved, have you gotten to see Justin yet?” Lindsay asked, holding a squirming Gus. 

“No, not yet. He is still down in radiology. Dr. Hamilton stopped by briefly and said that he should be back in his room soon.” Jen replied, distracting Gus by tickling his foot. 

“Thank goodness he finally woke up. Mel and I were so worried.” Lindsay smiled as Gus giggled now that Jen was playing with him. This horrific turn in Justin’s life made her want to cling and protect Gus even more. But she knew she could not stop life, she would have to let go and loosen her hold eventually. She just hoped that the world would become a more tolerable place to live in once Gus was ready to leave home. That is if she ever let him leave home?

Melanie sat next to Debbie and noticed the redness and puffy appearance that haloed her eyes. She took note of the small piece of paper in Deb’s hand. She wondered what it could be.

“Deb, are those happy tears? Justin is awake. Shouldn’t that make you happy? Is there something wrong? Were there complications?”

“Slow down Mel. We don’t know anything yet. He is still undergoing tests, and then of course we have to wait forever and a day to get the results.”

“Then why the tears, I can tell you have been crying. What is that you are holding?” Mel curiously questioned.

Deb hesitated, she wasn’t sure if she should share the card that Brian had sent to Jennifer with Melanie. It was no secret that Mel and Brian were usually each other’s nemesis. She didn’t want to give Mel any ammunition to use against Brian. Jennifer took the decision away from her. 

“It’s a postcard from Brian. I got it in the mail today.” Jennifer stated.

Surprisingly, Melanie was quiet, almost contemplative.

“Oh my goodness! Where is he? Does he say if he is coming back?” Lindsay burst in. 

“He is in Chicago. At least that is what the post mark says. He only wrote one line.” Jen’s voice broke slightly. Deb proceeded to hand the postcard to Lindsay, as Mel looked over her shoulder. 

Silent tears fell from Lindsay’s eyes, as Mel spoke what they were both thinking. “He really is broken about this. He really cares about Justin. I hope he doesn’t do anything rash. It won’t help Justin if he does.”

“But Mel, he thinks Justin died. He thinks his actions killed him, even though it was Hobbs swinging the bat. I know Brian. I’m absolutely certain that he feels if he hadn’t shown up at the prom, none of this would have happened.” Lindsay replied softly. 

Melanie had to concede to the fact that her partner was right. She did know Brian, and that fact often drove her attitude towards him. However, she was beginning to realize that Brian’s actions weren’t always about him. Now she just had to figure out what she could do to help. 

“Lindsay, do you think there is anything we can do?” Mel asked.

“I don’t think so. There is only the Chicago postmark to go on, and I’m sure that Brian has moved on from there. His cell phone has been cut off. I don’t even know if he took it with him. He left us all that money so that we would be okay and not need to contact him for any reason, especially since you now have legal rights to Gus. He wanted to disappear. It’s almost as if he was creating his own death, severing ties with everyone here.” She answered. 

Unbeknownst to everyone Michael and Vic had arrived and overheard Lindsay’s reply. Michael turned a ghostly shade of white. “He wouldn’t” he thought. Michael was realizing that he was walking into a very serious situation. He remembered Brian’s failed attempt at scarfing, which he had thankfully interrupted. Brian had told him that life wasn’t worth living if you didn’t take risks. Was that what Brian was doing when he went to the prom? Risking his heart for Justin? Taking the one chance that scared him more than anything? All of this combined with what his uncle had told him forced Michael to make a difficult decision about his feelings for Brian. Did he want to truly be his best friend or loose him? He knew he wouldn’t survive without him in his life, so his answer was easy. 

“There has got to be some way to trace him. What about Cynthia? Has anyone contacted her? I don’t think Brian would risk his job?” Michael broke in, announcing his presence. 

“Oh Michael!” Deb raced to her son and hugged him within an inch of his life. 

“Ma! I can’t breathe!” Michael said with a strained voice but with a smile for his mother to soften his accusations. 

“Mikey has a point” Vic interjected. “Cynthia might know something. It is worth a shot anyway. Does anyone have her number?” Vic was proud and surprised that his nephew seemed to have made a decision regarding Brian.

“We have it at the house. Once we have gotten an update on Justin we can go get it and try to call her.” Mel replied. Vic noted the softness in Melanie’s eyes, and smiled at her. She smirked in response shrugging her shoulders. 

Melanie walked over to Jennifer, who was still holding Gus. “Jen, I want to ask if you have anyone to represent Justin. I normally try to shy away from cases that are close to me, but I would really like to represent him and you of course in any legal actions that may be taken.” 

“Mel that would be so wonderful! We had a family attorney, but with the divorce I really don’t feel comfortable working with someone who primarily only worked with Craig. I just couldn’t trust him with Justin’s wellbeing and interest. So thank you. Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated.” Jennifer sincerely replied. 

“I’ll contact the police; get what information I can get. I’ll see what kinds of charges are being pressed, and then we can talk and go from there.” Mel told her. Mel felt better now that she had a focus and a purpose. 

“Mel I can’t tell you how grateful I am. The police have been by a couple of times, but I’ve only spoken with them limitedly. I didn’t want to say too much. They really want to speak to Justin, but of course they haven’t been able to do so. Would you be allowed to be present when they question him?” 

“Of course I will. I will declare myself as his attorney and therefore I can be present. I will also speak with Justin before they question him, so that I can be better prepared.” 

Jen stood up and hugged Melanie tightly to her. She was overwhelmed by how much these amazing people were willing to help her. Not to mention, this was one more burden that she would no longer have to shoulder by herself. Mel smiled over Jen’s shoulder at her partner. She could see the love and pride in Lindsay’s eyes and it warmed her all over. 

Emmett and Ted were arriving just as Dr. Hamilton came down the hall toward the dedicated and faithful family and friends that came along with his patient. Justin Taylor was one very lucky young man. 

“Jennifer, I just wanted to let you know that the orderly will be bringing Justin back from radiology in just a few minutes. You may go in as soon as he is settled.” The good doctor noticed that the entire group was biting at the bit to see the young man. “You may all go in, just keep it to no more that two at a time.”

“Thank you Dr. Hamilton.” 

“It’s Tom, and you’re welcome. As soon as I have some of the results I’ll be in to speak with you.” 

“Okay, Dr. Ha… I mean Tom. Thank you again.” Jen responded with a slight blush to her cheeks. 

-~^~-

About 10 minutes later, Justin was wheeled back into his room. He saw all of his friends and family, but was missing the one person he wanted most. Jennifer noticed the confused longing in her son’s eyes and prayed that she would have the strength to help her son through everything that he would be facing in the very near future. 

Once the nurses left Justin’s room, Jennifer made her way to the door pausing briefly before entering. Justin’s face was turned away when she came through the door. He was so still that Jen wondered if he was still in his coma. Her wondering was answered when Justin glanced over his shoulder and half smiled at her. She could tell that it was a struggle for him to give her that smile. Jen gathered all her strength and some she didn’t even know she had, and walked toward her son. 

“Sweetheart, I’m so glad you are finally awake. We were all so worried that we might lose you.”

“What happened mom? The last thing I remember is Brian spinning me around and kissing me, everything else is just black. Where is Brian? Is he okay?” Justin asked his voice getting shakier with each passing word. The idea of Brian being hurt had just entered his mind and it scared him.

“You were struck in the head with a baseball bat, by Chris Hobbs. Brian was not hurt.”  
Jen could see a visible sigh of relief cross Justin’s face when he heard that Brian was okay. “You’ve been in a coma for three days. The doctor said he would be in soon to go over you test results and see where we will go from here. Can you tell how you are feeling?” 

“Well, I have a really bad headache, I feel a little sick to my stomach and I just sort of hurt all over; especially in my right side.” He said with fear in his voice. “Mom am I going to be paralyzed?” Justin asked with a hitch in his voice, afraid that he might not be able to pursue his dreams. 

“Oh honey, I don’t think so! It is just going to take some time. There was damage done to your brain, so we’ll just have to re-teach it what to do.” She did her best to reassure his fears and doubts. 

“Mom, where is Brian? You said he wasn’t hurt, where is he? I really need to see him.” 

Jennifer sat in silence as she stared into the trusting eyes of her first born. She didn’t know what to say. She was saved from making that decision when Dr. Hamilton entered the room. 

“Hello Jennifer. Justin, I’m Dr. Tom Hamilton. I’ve been your attending physician since you have arrived.” 

“Hello Tom.” Jen replied with anxiety in her voice. She so wanted to know what the results of Justin’s tests had been. 

“So how does everything look Dr. Hamilton?” Justin asked, wanting to get all the answers that nobody seemed to be able to give him. 

Tom looked at Justin and could see the frustration in his patient’s eyes, he hoped that that frustration would turn into determination once he told Justin his history, and what to expect in the future. 

“Well Justin first I want to explain what we have done to help you so far. When you came in you had sustained a severe blow to the head, lost a significant amount of blood, and were unconscious. The emergency team got you into surgery, where we had to drill a hole into your skull to relieve the pressure and swelling from the blood that was pooling against your brain. Once we were certain that you were out of immediate danger you were brought to ICU, you had slipped into a coma on the operating table. We didn’t know how long you would remain unconscious. I am pleased to see that we did not have to wait too long. The time in the coma was your body’s way of taking time to heal.” The doctor paused allowing Justin time to absorb this information. He was positive that Justin was having some difficulty interpreting everything. 

“Okay; so I have a hole in my head. That probably explains part of the reason why I have a splitting headache.” Justin retorted. 

“Actually Justin before I continue, I would like you to explain your current symptoms to me.” Tom asked.

“Well, the headache for one. My vision seems to be okay, but the bright lights irritate my eyes.” In response to this Tom walked to the light switch on the wall and turned out the overhead lights, being able to rely on the dim light coming in through the slats of the blinds. “Is that better?” “Much!” “Anything else?” Tom encouraged.

“I feel upset to my stomach, my neck feels stiff, and I ache all over. I am also experiencing pain in the right side of my body, especially my right arm and hand. Justin voiced with trepidation.

Dr. Hamilton knew that this was probably going to be the most difficult complication of his injury to over come for the young man. Jennifer had told him that Justin was a budding young artist, and was accepted at Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts, for the upcoming fall semester. The frontal lobe of Justin’s brain had been injured; it was in this region that motor control was housed. So it was going to be a long battle for his patient. 

“Have you had any muscle spasms Justin?”   
“Some in my forearm and fingers. It’s permanent isn’t it?” Justin asked his physician, sadness filling his tone. 

“NO! Justin. It is going to be a complication, but hard work and determination can allow you to regain full use of your hand.” 

“Tom,” Jennifer interjected, “what other complications should we expect? Were there any problems that came back with the test results?” Jennifer wanted to try to take the focus off of Justin’s hand. She was probably only going to complicate her son’s emotions, but he deflated the instant he heard the news about this part of his injury.  
She prayed for some good news.

“Actually, the test results show significant improvement in the level of swelling, it is practically returned to normal. The bone area from the surgical procedure is healing well and Justin’s blood work showed adequate or almost normal levels. Physically, his body is responding very well, considering the level of trauma he sustained.” Tom spoke in an optimistic voice, trying to be as encouraging as possible.

“But?” Justin asked.

“But what?” Jen asked her son. Both Justin and Dr. Hamilton looked at Jen. Tom with sympathy, and Justin with a look of annoyance. Justin didn’t think for one minute that even though he was doing well, all things considered, physically; that there weren’t going to be other problems. 

“Unfortunately Jen, Justin is right. There are going to be other complications that are going to arise; some of which will be very frustrating because Justin won’t be able to control them all the time. He will eventually begin to learn the signs of a possible panic attack, or a migraine, so he can act accordingly.” Tom replied, while noticing that Justin appeared to be fading fast. “Justin do you want to rest for a while before we continue? This is a lot to take in. Another problem you may notice is that you may be easily distracted or find your level of concentration limited. Do you need a break?” 

“Thank you doctor, but I would just rather get everything out in the open now. If I have more detailed questions later I’ll ask. I need to know what I’m facing here.” Justin was determined to know as much as he possibly could. He was trying so hard to keep his composure during the doctor’s initial visit, for his mother’s sake. He needed to try to be strong for her. He had put her through so much and now this. Justin saw the nurse inject some medications into his IV before his mother came in so he guessed that was the glue that was holding his emotions together, but he didn’t know how long it would last. 

“Very well Justin. I’m going to go over all the signs and symptoms that you may experience. I want you to be aware that these are all just possibilities. You could have episodes with some of them once and then never have them again. Some symptoms may be more persistent. Each patient responds differently.” 

Justin was thankful that Dr. Hamilton was being honest with him and not sugar coating anything. The blonde had come to expect a high level of bluntness and integrity while sharing his life with Brian, and he wanted no less. He sensed that the doctor hoped his symptoms would be minimal, but he was preparing Justin for the worst. And although his mother was present, he was talking to Justin, while not making his mom feel excluded. He decided that he was lucky in one respect; he had a good man for his doctor. 

“There are numerous problems that can arise with any head injury. Memory is always of concern, but it is evident that you have only lost a very short amount of time, most of which was during the actual trauma. As I’ve already mentioned, attention and concentration may be difficult; and learning new information may take you longer that it did previously. You may have problems interpreting feedback from your environment, especially spatially, which means you could have difficulty with crowds or find it difficult to accept affection from others. In addition to feeling a heightened sense of being closed in, loud noises and bright light, could trigger a headache or sudden bout of anxiety. We can attempt to control some of this with medication, and techniques to help you calm yourself. Over time you will be better equipped to interpret signals that will indicate an impending episode, so that you can try to alter you environment to handle the situation.” 

Dr. Hamilton paused for a moment, letting Justin absorb this information. He was throwing a great deal of information at his patient, and even though it may not have been in Justin’s best interest at the time, Tom had learned that granting the patients wishes, within reason, was very important to their sense of control. He turned to Jennifer to see how she was taking the information. She appeared to be numb. Tom decided that he wanted to discuss another possible ramification of his injury with Justin in private. It would allow him to excuse Jennifer, and give her a moment. He would have a private discussion with her as well. Jennifer was the type of person, who would do everything in her power to help her son. The problem was, there would be times when Justin might lash out, leaving her with very few options. She had to know when to back off, and to realize that in most cases it wasn’t really her Justin was fighting against, it was his own limitations. 

“Jennifer, I’d like a few moments alone with Justin. Could you wait for me outside, I would like to speak with you again as well.” 

“Is that okay with you Justin?” Jen asked. 

“It’s fine mom. I love you.” Jennifer leaned over, placing a kiss on her son’s cheek, and exited the room. 

“So Doc, I’m guessing that there is more you need to tell me.” Justin stated. 

“Yes Justin. I felt it was more appropriate to discuss this with you in private first. If you wish to let your mother know that will be your decision. Another problem you may have is fear of intimacy. It could be anywhere from weeks to several months before you feel safe enough to have a sexual encounter. And when you are able to accept some form of intimacy, you may feel different from before. Some acts that you found exciting or welcomed previously, could make you edgy or uncertain. This could be compounded by the idea that you may think you are not satisfying your partner which could lead to avoidance and stress. Emotionally, feelings of unworthiness or the sense that you are unable to be loved may cloud your judgment. It will be important that you make anyone of importance to you aware of this. If you would like me to discuss it with anyone, please let me know.” 

Tom sensed a distinct change in Justin’s demeanor upon revealing this issue, so he rose from his chair, a preface to giving his patient some time and space. “Justin, I’m going to speak with your mother. I’m also going to ask that your other visitors give you about thirty minutes before coming in. I want you to rest for a little while. I’ve given you a great deal of information to consider.” 

Justin was still reeling over this new quandary he found himself in. Originally if the doctor hadn’t let another visitor in, especially Brian, he would have argued with him. However, this new knowledge made him grateful for the time. Justin had gotten the sense that Brian was not at the hospital and he didn’t know quite what to make of that yet, but he realized he had a great deal to think about. 

“Thank you Dr. Hamilton. I appreciate your honesty with everything.” 

“You’re welcome Justin. Now try to get some rest. I’ll come back to check on you later.” 

-~^~^~-

When Jennifer had left Justin’s room, it was to find Deb and the gang all waiting with baited breath for word on their Sunshine. She did her best to explain what Tom had told her and Justin, but it was obvious that she was still trying to get a handle on all of it herself. Shortly after Tom exited the room as well and instructed that he wanted Justin to rest for about a half hour before anyone else went in to see him. He also spoke with Jen trying his best to prepare her for what was to come. 

Jennifer was still speaking with the handsome doctor when Deb noticed that it had been thirty-five minutes, and she really wanted her own assurances that Justin was okay. So she approached the pair to see if it was okay for her to go in. 

“Doctor, is it alright if I go sit with Justin now? If he is sleeping I promise not to wake him.” Debbie asked. 

Tom turned to Jennifer to seek her approval. “It is fine with me. Deb, are you planning to tell Justin about Brian?” 

“I will if you want me too.” Deb answered. 

“I think it would be best coming from you. I’m just not sure if the timing is right. He’s been through so much in just a short amount of time. I don’t know if he can take anything else right now.” Jen said with so much concern.

“Well, I’ll leave it up to him. If he asks about Brian, I won’t lie to him, I’ll answer. Otherwise I will wait until he has rested some more.”

“That sounds okay. Tom do you have any reservations about telling Justin about his boyfriend.”

“Brian, I’m assuming is the gentleman that was misinformed about Justin’s condition?”

“Yes, he is.”

“Well I too am concerned about additional stress being placed on Justin at this point, but Brian was the first person he asked for when he woke up, and not knowing could actually be worse. So Mrs. Novotny, if he asks, it is fine to tell him. If he starts to react rashly, just push the emergency call button, and someone will be in immediately.” 

“Thank you doctor and the name’s Debbie.” She smiled sweetly at Tom and turned to go see her Sunshine. 

-~^~-

When Debbie entered the room, Justin was staring at the ceiling as if it held all the answers to his problems. She could sense that he was trying to be strong and handle everything, but she wondered if he had actually let his emotions go. She cleared her throat, announcing her presence. As soon as Justin saw her, he lost all his composure. Tears flowed down his face, and the small, scared boy appeared through the moisture. In two short steps Deb was at his side, allowing him to cling to her, drawing from her strength. Soft sobs echoed through the room, as Justin finally allowed himself to grieve for the loss of his innocence. 

Deb continued to gently rock Justin as his despair seeped from his soul. As the sobs silenced and Justin began to calm, he leaned back to look into his surrogate mother’s face, thankful for her comfort. He wanted to stay strong for his mother, knowing she was going to have to go through just as much as he was. He tried to give Deb one of his namesake smiles to reassure her that he would be okay. 

“It’s okay to cry and let loose your emotions. In fact you need to. It won’t help you heal if you keep all your fears pent up.” Deb said. 

That was the Deb Justin knew and loved; ever the mother watching after her boys. “Thanks Deb, I knew I could count on you to keep me in line.” Justin smiled. 

“You know me Sunshine; I’m always here for you.”  
“Yes, I never have to worry about that. I know that you I can count on you to be honest with me as well.” Justin said with a distinct tone in his voice. 

Deb stiffened briefly, knowing what Justin wanted her to be honest with him about. She knew that the next words out of Justin’s mouth would be about Brian. 

“Deb, I need to know, please. Where is Brian?”

The usually boisterous redhead was still as a mouse while she stared into the cool blue eyes. She desperately wanted to be able to tell Justin that Brian was just at work, or even better out in the waiting room. Unfortunately, those were not options that were available to her. Deb saw the anxiety in Justin’s eyes, and took a deep breath preparing to begin. 

“Please Debbie; just tell me, I need to know, no matter what it is!” 

“Justin, as much as I hate to say this, I don’t know where Brian is.” 

“What? Why?”

“He was with you when you were hurt, and he spent five hours, in blood soaked clothes with your mother. However, when your mother stepped out for a moment, Brian asked a nurse if she could find out any information about your condition. The nurse made incorrect assumptions, and…” Deb paused, finding it difficult to speak the next words. 

“And?” Justin urged. 

“He was told that you had died.” 

Justin visibly shook when the words entered his brain. Not only for the suffering Brian must be going through, but also for really realizing that the information could have been true, had Brian not been there. Justin focused once again on Deb, as he realized she was still speaking. 

“Another young man had been brought in close to the same time as you, who had been in a car accident. The nurse having seen Brian’s state thought that he was with that patient, and not you. She didn’t confirm the information until it was too late.” Deb finished with bitterness in her voice. She was still upset over the nurse’s incompetence, no matter how accidental. 

“Has anyone looked for him? I mean, maybe he is using his pain management methods. He could have hurt himself Deb.” Justin began to panic, thinking what Brian might do to himself. Justin knew how personally responsible Brian felt for his well-being, no matter how much he tried to hide it. 

“Try to stay calm Justin. We can’t keep talking if you set off alarms from becoming too anxious. Brian left a letter for Lindsay, telling her he had to get away and leaving her a checkbook with a large sum of money for her and Gus. Your mom received a postcard just today postmarked from Chicago. Although it is not signed, it reads “I’m sorry I took him from you” Now that can only be from Brian. The post mark date was from two days ago, so we can only hope and pray that he is still alright. But Justin, we don’t know where he is now, or when he will come back.” Deb finished, watching the life drain from Justin’s face. Part of her regretted having to tell Justin about Brian’s disappearance, but she also knew that Justin would not rest until he had all information about the man he so hopelessly loved. 

Startling her from her musing, “Thank you for telling me everything Deb. Would you mind giving me some time alone? I just need to think for a little while.” 

“Sure baby, but there are some others here who would really like to see you, even if only for a couple of minutes.” 

“Just ask them to wait a bit, and then they can come in.” Justin replied. 

“Alright sweetie. Don’t forget, if you need me, you know where to find me.” Smiling she turned and left the room. 

-~^~-

The only thought that was running through Justin’s mind was Brian, and what he must be going through. Realizing that Brian felt the need to run so far when he thought Justin had died was Justin’s biggest concern. Was he running so no one would stop him from doing something stupid? Brian was never rational when someone he cared about was hurting, this could easily send him over the edge. Justin couldn’t imagine where Brian would go. He didn’t think Brian had too many friends outside of the gang. But he had to admit to himself that he didn’t know everything about his lover. In all honestly, he didn’t think he had even scratched the surface of the man that was Brian Kinney. All he knew was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering everything he could.

A soft knock at the door told Justin that his private time was up. “Come in.”

“Hey Jus.” 

“Daphne.” Justin said with a timbre of relief in his voice. He came to the realization that his best friend could have been hurt just as easily. “I’m so glad to see you.” 

“Not as glad as I am to see you. I was so scared Justin. I can’t even remember a time when I couldn’t talk to you or come and see you. The idea that you might never wake up…I just don’t think I could have handled that.” Daphne said with tears in her eyes. 

Justin opened up his arms and Daphne gently lowered herself into her dearest friends embrace. “I’m okay Daph. I’m still here. You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily did you.” Justin chuckled and he heard Daphne giggle. She leaned back and smiled at him. 

“Michael, Emmett, & Ted send their best, and said that they would come by to see you tomorrow. I was talking to Vic for a bit. He left with Deb because he needed get his meds. He will come with Deb tomorrow as well.” 

“Sounds like I’ll have plenty of visitors. Just not the one I want.” Justin said slipping into a melancholy mood. 

“I’m so sorry Justin. I wish I could have gotten to the hospital sooner. If I had been here I would have been able to question the nurse instead of Brian. Then he would still be here.   
I’m so very sorry.” Daphne softly said. 

“It’s not your fault Daph. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m going to need your bouncy optimism to get through all of this.” 

Wiping off her face and putting on a smile she decided to bring up another subject. 

“Justin, while I was talking with Vic he told me that Melanie offered to represent you if it became necessary. Actually, she was going to go check with the police to see what was going on with the charges against Chris Hobbs. I hope he rots. I don’t care if you did give him a hand job. He had no right to do what he did!” Daphne had to stop before she got so wound up that Justin would have to have call security to remove her. 

Justin was so glad that Daphne was on his side. He was beginning to get tired, and he needed to let her know what was going on with him. “I’m glad that it will be Mel looking out for me.” Daph noticed that Justin’s tone changed slightly. 

“What is it Justin. You haven’t said anything about what the doctor said yet.” Daphne stated in a curious tone. 

“Well in a nut shell, I’m pretty much going to be an emotional invalid with a gimp hand who may or may not be able to allow his lover to make love to him again.” 

“Now there is the drama princess I know and love. Come on Justin, I will not allow you to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. You’ve always been able to do anything you wanted to and you will succeed at overcoming these obstacles that face you now.” Daphne expressed in a no nonsense fashion with her hands on her hips looking at Justin with her no bullshit face. 

When his oldest and dearest friend looked at him he couldn’t help but smile. She would definitely kick his ass if he sat and wallowed in self pity. “Okay Daph what do you suggest I do?” 

“You will work hard at any therapy they prescribe for you. I’ll help you in any way I can to get you through the emotional trials, and don’t forget about your mom, and your wonderful self-made family. We will all help you Justin. In the fall, I will start at Carnegie Mellon and you will start at PIFA, it will all work out you’ll see.” Daphne hoped that she was right. She wasn’t certain that Brian’s absence would not hinder Justin’s progress. All that she could hope for was that the rest of the family could compensate until Brian returned. 

Justin nodded his acceptance of Daphne’s optimistic attitude. She was right about one thing he was a survivor and he would overcome this. He had to. He was determined to be the best homosexual that he could be by the time Brian returned.


	6. Fractured Hearts

I wanted to let you know what my approximate timeline is. In the world of Fractured Hearts, the prom was in late May around the 27th just before graduation. Brian left Pittsburg on the 28th. The events of the previous chapters happened between then and June 10th when this chapter begins. I hope this helps everyone put events in the proper time reference.

* * *

\----~^~ June 10, Interstates of America~^----

The wheels of Brian’s motorcycle were seeing much of the roads crossing the United States. Facing the setting sun, Brian had left Chicago heading west across Interstate 80. He was just outside of Des Moines when his bike began to make a sound that Brian knew wasn’t good. Following the next exit, he headed south into the small town of Indianola Iowa. Stopping at a small filling station at the north end of town, he hoped that they could help. 

“Excuse me.”

“Hello young man. What can I do for you?” 

“Well my bike started making a strange noise, I was wondering if you could check it out.” Brian said to the old man that came out of the garage. 

“I don’t know too much about motorcycles, but my nephew who works at the Connoco station is an expert in them. How about we put your bike up on the truck here and I’ll take you down there. My name is Merrill by the way.”

“Thank you, are you sure it’s no trouble. I can just drive…”

“Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all, let me just lock up here, and we’ll be on our way.”

Brian was a bit taken aback by the easiness of this gentle, kind man. It was very rare to see and meet people who were willing to go out of their way for a complete stranger. Maybe he would become less cynical on this adventure. Justin always said he was too cynical and critical of people’s motives, his childhood had taught him to be that way. But he was beginning to wonder how long he was going to let his parents control his life. He was so adamant how he didn’t care what they thought, and had kept them out of his life, but had he really? They were still dictating how he acted and perceived other people. They were still in control.

“You ready? Oh, I never got your name,” Merrill said.

“Brian, Brian Kinney. It’s a real pleasure to meet you, Merrill,” Brian replied with a genuine smile; determined to take total control of his future and life.

Pulling into the Connoco station Merrill honked the horn on the truck and came to a stop. A man about Brian’s age came strolling out of the garage, wearing dingy blue jeans, John Deere t-shirt and a greasy rag in hand trying to wipe off more grease. He was about Brian’s height, brown hair, gray eyes and a friendly smile. 

“Hey, Uncle Merrill, what brings you down here?” 

“Hi Jeff, I brought my new friend Brian down, he is having trouble with his bike, think you can help us out?” 

“Sure, let’s take a look,” Jeff said.

Merrill and Jeff got the bike off the back of the truck and took it into the garage bay. After looking at the bike for a few minutes Jeff turned around and asked Brian to come over and look at it with him. 

“Okay Brian, there are two belts that need to be replaced. The bike will run for a while with these, but how long is a bit questionable. Also the carburetor is shot! That is what was making that noise you were hearing.” 

“Okay, well I think you are right about the belts. I don’t know how far this trip I’m on is going to take me and I don’t want to have to worry about them. I’m guessing the carburetor is not going to be quite as easy to get as the belts.” Brian stated with a smirk on his face. He was glad that Jeff had taken the time to show him what was wrong, and didn’t treat him like some snob who wouldn’t understand. 

“You’d be right about that. I can build you one in about 3 days with some old parts I have in the back, otherwise I would have to try to order one and that could take at least a week not to mention be more expensive. Plus I think I can build you a much more reliable one.” Jeff smiled at Brian waiting for his reaction. 

Brian just started laughing; he liked this guy and his uncle. “Well you know your own worth I’d say. I’m also guessing that you are right about it being more reliable. This is an older bike, I got it when I was in college and it was old when I got it, so the older parts you have will probably be a better fit than some new electronic ones. Can you get the belts easy enough?” 

“Sure the belts won’t be a problem. I actually have one already in stock, and I can get the other one from a shop downtown; I can have it delivered here tomorrow morning.” 

“Sounds perfect. How much will this cost me?” Brian asked.

“I’d say about 300 dollars for parts and labor.”

“You’re kidding right? Shit where I live it would cost that just for the carburetor. I don’t want to short change you.” 

“Where are you from Brian?”

“Pittsburgh.”

“Well they must overcharge in Pittsburgh, because this job should only cost 300 bucks.”

“Well I certainly don’t want to insult you by second-guessing your expertise in such matters, so 300 bucks it is. But please let me know if you find anything else or if something costs more. Deal?” 

“Sounds fair to me.” Jeff extended his hand to Brian and they shook hands. 

“Now I just need to find some place to stay for the next couple of days.” 

“If you don’t mind hanging out here for a couple more minutes, I can take you down to the Apple Tree Inn. I have to pick up my girlfriend from work and it’s right on the way.” Jeff said. 

“I don’t want to impose…” Brian began to say. 

“It is no imposition Brian; we help our friends out around here. So just give me 5 minutes and we’ll be off.” 

“Thanks Jeff, I really appreciate it.” 

While Jeff was closing up Brian sat and chatted with Merrill. He was a kind man and treated Brian like a long lost son. 

“So Brian, what brings you out to this part of the country?” 

“Just traveling.” Brian answered. 

“I’m guessing there is more to it than that, but I know when something is not my business. If you need someone to talk to I’m a good listener and the only one I have to confide in is my cat Mackey, & I doubt he’ll say anything.” Merrill told Brian with a smile. 

“Thank you Merrill. You are right, there is more to it, but right now I’m trying to figure some things out for myself, but I’ll remember your offer.” 

“You ready to head out Brian?” Jeff came around his Uncle’s truck seeking out his new friend.  
“Sure am. Thanks again, Merrill, I’m sure I’ll see you around.” 

Jeff drove Brian to the Inn and told him he would stop by tomorrow morning with a loaner bike that he could use until he finished fixing his. Brian checked into the hotel and came back out to let Jeff know what room he was in so he could drop off the loaner. 

“Jeff, if you bring the loaner a bit earlier I’ll treat you to breakfast.” 

Jeff was going to refuse, but the look on Brian’s face made him change his mind. 

“Okay, that sounds good. Uncle Merrill will probably be with me, the loaner is out at his place.” 

“That’s perfect, I can treat you both. See you in the morning.” 

“See you then. Goodnight, Brian.”

“Night.” 

 

\---~^~^~^~---

Police Station, Pittsburgh, PA

It had been six days since Justin had awakened and since Mel had started to plan her attack against the man who dared to harm a member of her family. She sat stoically in the hall of the 5th precinct waiting to speak with the lead officer on Justin’s case. Detective Dean Mayer had a good reputation with the force and Melanie was glad that he had been on call the night of the bashing. The detective was fair and very good at handling evidence; but the quality that Mel admired most was his ability to keep any and all personal perspectives out of the workplace.

Mel had investigated all angles that she could use to nail Chris Hobbs to the wall. The biggest piece of information that she had learned was that Hobbs had an uncle who was gay. The Hobbs family was well known in Pittsburgh. They owned and ran the only steel mill in the city that was still fully operational. Mark Hobbs, Chris’ father, was the figurehead that took all the public meetings, and handled all the press conferences. However, Derek Hobbs, Chris’ uncle, actually had the controlling shares in the company. He owned 51%, while his brother only held 49%. Melanie knew that if the criminal case would not punish Chris Hobbs to the fullest, she would file a suit for damages that would definitely put a dent in Hobbs Steel Corp. 

“Mel, I’m guessing you are waiting for me?” A handsome man in his mid-forties addressed Mel as he came down the hall with files under his arm and two cups of coffee in his hands. 

“Yes, how are you doing, Detective?” Mel asked, taking one of the cups from his hand.

“Not bad, but I’d be better if this was a social call.” Dean grinned ruefully as he opened the door to his office. “Please have a seat.” 

“Thanks.” Mel replied.

Dean walked behind his desk, and sat the file he had been carrying down and began to stir his coffee. Once he sat down, he opened the file and developed a sour expression across is face. 

“What is it, Dean? By that expression, I’m guessing I’m not going to like this.” Mel stated, beginning to seethe in her chair.

Taking his time to read what was in the file, was the ploy Dean used to forestall the outburst he knew he would receive from the lawyer sitting across from him. The Hobbs kid was only being charged with Assault 1, simple assault. Knowing Mel as he did, she was going to blow a gasket over this. Quite honestly he was upset as well. He knew he had put all the evidence succinctly into his report, hoping to ensure that Hobbs would get what he deserved. Detective Mayer, did not profess to understand homosexuality, and guessed that those who were didn’t expect him too, but he believed it was not something to condemn them over. Justin Taylor was the victim of a brutal crime and his assailant should get the maximum penalty no matter what. 

Dean finally sat forward, his shoulders square, and told Mel the last thing she wanted to hear. “Assault 1.”

“That is fucking bullshit, Dean! That kid committed a felony, and we are just going to let him get off with a slap on the wrist!” Mel exclaimed. “Chris Hobbs attempted to kill my client with a baseball bat. He should be charged with Homicide 1 not Assault 1!” Mel was definitely fuming. 

Dean was surprised that she hadn’t gone on more than that. He had expected worse.   
“Mel I agree with you. I was hoping that he would get at the minimum Assault 3, aggravated assault with intent to do bodily harm with a deadly weapon. But you know as well as I that other “complications” are playing into this.” 

“Complications! Complications! Don’t sit here and try to be politically correct with me, Dean; they are only charging him with assault 1 because Justin is gay! Well I’m not accepting that. I won’t betray my client by accepting that!”

Mel was so angry, that she was beginning to hyperventilate. Dean came around his desk and sat her down, trying to get her to relax, a task he knew was easier said than done. 

“Mel you’ve got to calm yourself. This isn’t helping Justin any. Listen, I know this is a shitty deal. Maybe I can approach my superiors and see if I can get Assault and Battery. That would at least get you two charges instead of just one. And I know you Mel, I’m sure you are planning to file a suit for damages as well. None of us around here is ignorant of who Chris’ family is.” Dean said as Mel began to return from her fiery demonstration. 

“You’re damn right I am! I’ve got a definite plan of attack here. I know Hobbs’ lawyers are going to try every trick in the book to avoid any jail time for this kid, but I plan on getting him behind bars, even if it is for a while. Not to mention that Justin will be set for quite a while when I get done with them.” Mel responded with a determination that left absolutely no doubt in Dean’s mind that she would accomplish what she set out to do. 

“Here is a copy of the complete file, Mel, and don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything.” 

“Thanks, Detective. I know that you are a fair man, Dean, and you did everything you could.” Mel stated extending her hand to the man. 

“You’re welcome, Mel.” 

\---~^~^~---

Mel walked out of the police station and headed toward her car. Once inside the vehicle, she took a deep breath and placed her head against the steering wheel. She knew that she needed to talk to Jennifer as well as Justin to plan the next step. She would talk to Jennifer first. She knew it would be important to Jen to understand everything before involving Justin. 

Justin.

Melanie couldn’t begin to comprehend what he must be going through. He had lost his art, and his lover. Wow, lover, it was still difficult for her to think of Brian as being a lover to anyone, but she was beginning to realize that she may have been too harsh on the father of her son. Right now, she had to do what was best for Justin. And maybe, just maybe, if she could do that, she could help Brian too. 

 

\---~^~^~---

Indianola, Iowa

Brian sat in his hotel room packing his few items in his duffle. Jeff had called him last night and said that he was just about finished with his bike and it would be ready to pick up this afternoon. Surprisingly to Brian, he had had a good time here in this small Iowa town. He had spent the previous day riding the loaner bike around town, and ended up at the town square. He sat in the corner sundry, drinking an authentic cherry coke and listened as the old men talked about their crops and old times. He found 3 original issues of the Green Lantern which he bought for Mikey. His long time friend would go nuts over them. Deciding to walk for a while Brian walked down to the other end of the street and came across the town’s movie theater. It was called the Tomahawk and Brian couldn’t believe that he only paid $1.00 for admission and $.75 for a popcorn and drink…unbelievable. Top Gun was playing and he figured staring at Tom Cruise and   
Val Kilmer for 2 hours wasn’t too bad of a way to pass the afternoon.

After the movie was over he drove back towards his hotel. He had noticed that the town was home to the Hot Air Balloon Museum and decided, why the hell not? He wasn’t overly impressed, but the t-shirt he found for Deb was priceless…on the front “Full of Hot Air” on the back was a rainbow colored hot air balloon. He figured he’d get a slap on the back of the head for it, but it would be worth it. He smiled as he folded the shirt and placed it in the pocket with Mikey’s comics. 

Brian was meeting Jeff at the garage, but had promised Merrill he would stop by to see him before he left town. So he inspected the room to make sure he had everything and headed out. He stopped at the front desk, returned the room key and paid his bill. Merrill had given Brian directions to his place the other morning at breakfast, since he wouldn’t be working on the day that Brian was planning on leaving. So climbing once again onto the loaner, having secured his bag, Brian headed over to Merrill’s. 

Pulling up in front of Merrill’s place was kind of like pulling up to his childhood neighborhood. Small houses, with a yard, standing side by side. His new friend’s house was gray with white siding, and Brian noticed that Merrill must have just finished adding a new deck off the front entry. Merrill was standing out on the deck and appeared to be sanding down the top of the railing. 

“Hi Brian! How are you doing today?” Merrill asked smiling at the striking young man. 

“I’m doing okay, thanks. I promised to stop by before I left, and I never break a promise.” Brian replied, returning the man’s smile. 

“So I take it Jeff has your bike finished?”

“Just about, he told me to meet him at the station about 12:30. It should be all ready to go then.” 

“Well then that gives us enough time to have a drink and a light lunch. Does that sound good?” Merrill asked. 

“That would be great.” 

Brian followed Merrill inside the house and into the kitchen. It was a small space, but it served its purpose. He watched as Merrill pulled out some turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. “I only have wheat bread. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” Brian replied

Each man took to making their sandwich and placing it on a plate. Merrill grabbed two beers out of the fridge and then returned to the deck; Brian followed.

“So what did you think of our little town, Brian?”

“It was nice and peaceful. I wasn’t really sure what to expect or think, but I had a nice stay. I found a few small things for some friends back home. So all in all it was good.” 

Merrill noticed that while Brian said he had a good time, there was something missing in his eyes. He didn’t want to pry, but he thought he might try again to see if Brian would open up to him. 

Brian actually chuckled while watching Merrill. 

“What’s so funny?” Merrill asked. 

“You just have this look on your face that some of my friends back home get when they know I’m not telling them the whole truth, and they are trying to figure out how to pry it out of me.” Brian said, still smiling. 

“You caught me. You just have this distant look in your eyes that speaks of something that is missing. I know you don’t really know me, Brian, but sometimes opening up to a relative stranger can help. They have no preconceived notions about anything, so they can be objective.” 

Brian’s smile had faded, and he became contemplative. Maybe he could talk to Merrill about some of his feelings. Making the decision, Brian began to tell Merrill about his recent trials. 

“I very recently lost someone very close to me. I cared about this person very much. I am traveling the highways trying to deal with the loss, because I can’t face my family and friends right now. You see it was my fault he was hurt.” Brian said with little emotion. 

“Brian, you don’t strike me as the kind of person that would intentionally hurt someone. What exactly happened?” 

Again Brian hesitated, this was a small town, probably with small minded ideas, but he had started this and he would finish it. “First off, I should probably tell you I am gay, and it was my boyfriend that was killed.” Brian paused to see what Merrill’s reaction would be. He could tell he was startled at first, but it quickly passed and a look of compassion came over Merrill’s face. Merrill knew how hard it was to lose someone you loved so he would not belittle Brian’s feelings. 

 

Sensing that his new friend was not going to judge him Brian continued. “I went to his prom and a fellow classmate hit him in the head with a baseball bat when he was returning to see his actual date home. Justin, that’s his name, had asked me to go with him, but I turned him down flat. I am 12 years his senior, I mean what would I do at a high school prom. But in the end I decided to surprise him, and that surprise ended up getting him killed.” Brian became very still. This was the first time he had actually recounted any of what happened that night out loud, and hearing it told transported him back to the fear he felt while he held his beaten lover on the cold garage floor. 

Merrill sat in shock at how one human being could do that to another. He had served in the tail end of WWII, and he had friends who had served longer and seen combat. Then the violence seemed to have a purpose. But to blatantly attack someone just because you didn’t like who they loved, Merrill couldn’t wrap his brain around that kind of hate. 

Realizing that Brian was not going to say anything more Merrill knew he had to say something. He had started this conversation and he wanted to give Brian some hope.   
“Brian, I can empathize with the loss of a loved one. I lost my beloved wife two years ago. However, I can’t begin to understand the pain you must feel, knowing that it was because of your love that your boyfriend was injured. But Brian, you can’t place the blame on yourself. It was not you who swung the bat. You did not have any knowledge that this terrible event was going to happen. I know it may seem easy to blame yourself, but as much as it pains me to say this, it will not bring your Justin back.” 

A quiet, “I know” was the only response. 

“Brian, are you sure that being away from your family is the best? Maybe having their support and help would make this easier?” Merrill said.

“Thank you for your concern Merrill, but I really need to work this out on my own. As you said, we don’t really know each other, and I have done a lot of things in my past that I am not proud of. I need to figure out who I want Brian Kinney to be, and I just don’t think I can do that with my well-meaning family interfering.” Brian answered. 

“Very well Brian, a man needs to do, what a man needs to do. But I am going to tell you something that my beloved wife told me shortly before she passed; Life is a balance of holding on and letting go and the biggest challenge is figuring out what is worth holding on to and what should be let go. I think you might be able to use this while trying to figure out what it is you want. So please remember what I said.” 

“I will Merrill. I hope that once I figure everything out, I can come back and see you.” Brian said while absorbing the advice his new friend had given him. Maybe it would help. 

“I would like that, Brian, I would definitely like that.” 

There was a comfortable silence between the men, and then the roar of Brian’s motorcycle pulling into the drive brought them out of their silent contemplation. Jeff cut the engine on the bike and sat astride it. “Well here you go, Brian, all fixed, washed and a full tank of gas.” 

“Thanks Jeff! I sure wish I had some mechanics like you in Pittsburgh. It would make my life easier! But as it is, I’ll be sure to tell all my friends if they are ever passing through Iowa and have car trouble they have to come see you!” Brian stated laughingly. 

“You do that, Brian.” Jeff responded with a chuckle of his own. “So are you off now?”

“Yeah, I’m going to take advantage of the daylight and see how far I can get. I’m sad to say that I really haven’t experienced much of the country, except the big cities I’ve traveled to for business, and I’m learning that there is definitely more to see.” 

“It has been a real pleasure meeting you. The garage phone number is on the ticket here, if you need anything on your journey don’t hesitate to call me. Uncle Merrill and I will do whatever we are able to.” 

“That means a great deal to me. Thank you.” Brian said stunned at how much his newly acquired friends were willing to help him. 

Shaking hands with both men, Brian climbed onto his bike, put his helmet on and set off on the next leg of his adventure. 

Merrill and Jeff stood in the drive watching Brian leave. 

“I sure hope he finds what he’s looking for.” Jeff said.

“I think he is looking for himself.” Merrill answered.

 

\---~^~^~^~---

Pittsburgh, PA, Jennifer’s condo

Melanie sat in the living room while Jen prepared them some ice tea. She wasn’t looking forward to telling her about the information she had learned at the police station. This was one part of her job that she really didn’t like. On the drive over, Mel contemplated everything in her head. She knew that more than likely she would end this case on a plea bargain. Rhett Carrington, the Hobbs’ family lawyer along with his entourage would see to that. Melanie just hoped that she could stand her ground and get as much as she possibly could. 

Jennifer entered the living room and placed a tray with two tall glasses of ice tea and a small plate with sliced green apples and some cheddar cheese on the coffee table. Jen could tell by Mel’s demeanor that her visit to the detective in charge of Justin’s case had not gone as she had hoped. Jennifer was very well aware of what Mel was up against. The Hobbs family was a member of the same country club that she and Craig had belonged too. After the divorce, Jen separated from many of her friends there, as they shared Craig’s opinion on Justin. She also had the privileged information on the black sheep of the Hobbs clan. She had only met Derek Hobbs on a few occasions but he was always friendly and pleasant. She could not say the same for his brother, who unfortunately was at the club much more often. 

Jennifer sat down on the sofa next to Melanie. 

“Okay Mel, tell me what we are facing. I’m certain it does not even come close to what should happen, but I know this is going to be an uphill fight.” Jennifer said breaking the ice. 

“You are right about that, the punishment they are going for does most definitely NOT fit the crime.” Melanie replied. “Detective Mayer told me that Hobbs is only getting charged with Assault 1, which is the least damaging to him.” Jennifer sighed and shook her head at how unfair the world was. All of her biggest fears about Justin’s homosexuality were coming true. She had accepted that this was who Justin was and knew that who he chose to love, did not change him or how much she loved him. Unfortunately, it was the majority of the rest of the world that she worried about. 

Sensing Jen’s distress she continued. “I told the detective that I felt he deserved to be charged with Homicide 1, but at this point, I’m going to push for at the minimum Assault 3.” 

“What will that mean?” 

“Well if I get it Hobbs will get some jail time, no matter what his lawyers present. He will more than likely get an early probation hearing, after six months, since it is his first offense, but at least he will be behind bars for a while. Hopefully during that time, Justin can gain back some sense of safety and assurance.” 

“So that’s it? The Hobbs boy gets six months tops, and Justin has to suffer for the rest of his life?” Jennifer said infuriation seeping from every pore.

This was where Melanie hoped to really reap some benefits for Justin. “Absolutely NOT! I plan to hit Hobbs and his family where it really hurts. I’m also filing a civil suit for damages and suffering. Considering the amount of money the Hobbs family is worth, I should get enough to set Justin up for some time.” Melanie was enjoying this part. If she couldn’t make the kid pay, she sure as shit was going to get his father, who no doubt was the teacher of his son’s intolerance, and complete disrespect for a fellow human’s life. 

“Melanie, how much do you know about the Hobbs family?” Jen asked. 

“I’ve done my research. I know about Derek Hobbs being gay, I’ve also learned that he holds the controlling stock in Hobbs Steel. Mark Hobbs only holds 49%, while Derek holds 51%. I will definitely be using that to our advantage in the civil case.” 

“You’ve certainly done your homework. I’m so glad that Justin has you on his side. I have met Derek Hobbs a few times at the club. He is a very charming man, easy going, and pleasant. I can also say that he has a strained relationship with his brother, Mark. I never heard anything definitive, but I think there might be a similar incident to this one somewhere in the Hobbs’ family history; a violent skeleton in the closet you might say.” Jennifer told Melanie. 

“I’ll look into that; it might be useful. I don’t think Derek Hobbs will be involved with the criminal case, but I’m hoping to talk with him regarding the civil suit. However, if what you say is true, I could potentially bring him in as a witness to testify about how Chris was raised.” 

“Jennifer, I do have a question for you. How much do you want me to tell Justin? And do you want him present at the preliminary meetings?” 

“I think it is important to tell Justin as much as possible. Right now he needs to feel in control of his life. He is going to have a rough road ahead of him. I want to empower him as much as I can. As far as the meetings, I’m not sure. Will he have to be at the trial?” 

“If it comes to that, I think it will be in his best interest to attend.” Mel answered.

“And these early meetings, will his presence be as critical?” 

“No. I think if you are in attendance as Justin’s representative that will be fine. Plus I want to push this as quickly as I can. I don’t want to give Carrington too much time to plan his strategy. I’m certain that Justin’s doctors won’t want him to engage in activities that may cause him too much stress too soon.” Mel responded. 

Jennifer felt confident in Mel’s assessment of the situation and was ready to turn over her trust and confidence to this young woman who had come into Justin’s life and by extension hers. “Okay Mel, you do whatever you feel is necessary to ensure the maximum possible penalty for that monster. I trust you to take Justin’s best interests into account, and have no doubt that you will do beyond your best.” Jennifer stood, Mel following her lead, and gave the small-framed woman a tight hug. 

When they broke their embrace, Jen had a smirk on her face. “What?” Melanie asked.

“Those bastards don’t have a clue what they are getting into by taking you on.” Jen said. Melanie just smiled.” 

 

\---~^~^~^~---  
Hobbs Steel, Inc. Company Headquarters, Pittsburgh, PA

The national headquarters of Hobbs Steel had its humble beginnings in a two story brick building just outside its primary mill, now the lustrous tall building of steel and glass towered over the Pittsburgh skyline. Nathaniel Hobbs began the company back in the late 1800’s and had prospered through the high and low points of America’s growth. Over 100 years later his great-grandson, Mark Hobbs was running the company. Unfortunately, running a steel company was the last thing on Mr. Hobbs’ mind today. 

“Mr. Hobbs, Rhett Carrington is here.” His secretary stated over the intercom. 

“Send him in Maria.” Mark rose from his seat behind his desk to greet his lawyer. 

“Good Morning, Mark.” Rhett greeted his longtime client. The man exemplified the essence of a defense attorney. He was coolly composed, stylishly dressed, and comfortably aloof so as to keep everyone guessing.

“We can dispense with the pleasantries, RC. What are you going to do to prevent these obscenely ludicrous charges against my son from destroying my family and his future?”

“Relax, Mark. I’ve learned that Chris is only being charged with Assault 1. I can easily get him off. He is an ‘A’ student, no previous record, and it’s his word against a fag’s.”

“Rhett, unlike my son, I am aware of the consequences of his actions. I am not naïve enough to believe that Taylor’s attorney won’t push for more.” Mark replied to his friend’s haughty assurance. 

“I’m telling you, Mark; I can handle everything. Chris will come out of this with no more than a slap on the wrist, and no damage will be incurred on the company.” 

Neither man noticed the new member to the room until his voice echoed in their ears. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that!” 

“Derek!”

“Hello brother dear. How is my darling homophobic nephew doing?”


	7. Fractured Hearts

\----~^~ Office of Mark Hobbs, Pittsburgh, PA ~^~---

“Hello, Derek. You always did know how to make an entrance.” Rhett sarcastically commented. 

“Ah, Mr. Carrington, what a dissatisfying pleasure.” Derek answered bypassing the haughty man, aiming straight for his brother. 

“So Mark, worrying about the ‘family’ are you? It’s just so refreshing. I mean I’m practically speechless. Just when, did you develop this overwhelming concern?” the caustic tone of Derek’s voice dripped like acid.

“Don’t patronize me, Derek. I’ve always cared for this family; and right now I am trying to protect my son.” Mark shot back. 

“I’d say society needs protection from your son, not the other way around.”

“Chris was provoked! Taylor tormented him throughout the school year, made sexual advances to him. Then he flaunted himself and his older lover at a HIGH SCHOOL prom! Chris is the victim here!” 

“The VICTIM? Are you hearing yourself Mark?! Your son attacked another student with a baseball bat, and attempted to kill him for being who he is. How is he possibly the victim? The only person that Chris is a victim to is you!” Derek screamed at his brother as he got closer and closer to him. “What’s the matter Mark? Afraid your perfect son might not be so perfect? Scared that he might be more like his uncle than you?” 

Derek didn’t have time to react before Mark hit him with a blow that sent him staggering to the floor. Mark stood over him seething. “My son is NOT a FAGGOT like you! He is nothing like you!” 

Climbing back to his feet Derek was chuckling. “Well at least you didn’t use a bat. You are right though, he’s nothing like me. He’s exactly like you raised him to be. Someone who hates that which he does not understand. Someone who judges without the right of judgment. Someone filled with callousness, intolerance, and shame. I certainly hope you’re proud.” Derek walked to the door of the office and turned to address the men one more time. “Be warned, Chris will pay, and so will you.” 

 

\---~^~^~ Alleghany General Hospital ~ One week later ~^~^~---

Justin sat in the small cushioned chair that was in the corner of his hospital room. It was a melancholy day. Clouds dominated the sky, and fog hugged the hillside he could see in the distance. It had been a trying week. He had learned from Melanie that Chris was being charged with a lesser crime than he should have been; not that this surprised him. He was struggling, trying to learn his body’s signals to the various symptoms he was experiencing. Dr. Hamilton had been right about bright light bringing on a migraine. Noise didn’t seem to affect him. Quite the opposite really. He became very edgy if it was too quiet; he now had a small radio in his room for ambient noise. 

Touch. His biggest fear. He was fine if one of the nurses or Dr. Hamilton had to touch him to test something or give him medication, but he could not overcome the irrational fear of anyone else getting too close. Dr. Hamilton had helped some in this respect, by instructing Justin, that it should be he who initiated contact. That if Justin felt in control of the actions he might be better able to accept the contact. It seemed to be working so far. He had given hugs to his friends and family, and they learned to allow Justin to break off any contact that began to feel uncomfortable to him. 

When he wasn’t trying to overcome the confusion in his mind, he was completely occupied by Brian. ‘He will come back’ was the mantra he kept repeating in his mind. The condition of his return was Justin’s biggest concern. Will he still want me? Am I too damaged now? Did Brian leave to move on? Did he find someone else? Justin remembered how Brian wanted to leave before. Had this given Brian the excuse he needed to leave the Pitts for good? Would he harm himself? 

Justin knew he would drive himself crazy if he kept thinking like this. He had even more to be concerned with now. Dr. Hamilton had told him yesterday that he was being released; he could go home. Home? Where was that? He knew where he wanted it to be, unfortunately that was not going to happen. Molly had visited two days ago and said that their mother had found a really nice townhouse. There was still much to unpack, but they had made sure that Justin’s room was all ready for him. As much as Justin wanted to share in Molly’s excitement, he just couldn’t. He was filled with uneasiness about the new surroundings. The foreign nature of everything could trigger so many of his symptoms. He wondered if he would not be better off staying with Debbie and Vic, but he just couldn’t disappoint his mom. She had been his rock through so much; he needed to be there for her. Show her that he could be the son she dreamed he could be. 

Dreams. They were a blessing and a curse. Some nights he could see himself spinning in the arms of the man he loved. Feel the love that Brian was giving to him; allowing it to consume him. On other nights, his screams were all that he heard as he felt an awkward spinning. Spinning that sent him plummeting to the ground; feeling only pain and agonizing loss. Then the day dreams. The dreams where he could envision himself standing in a gallery, walls filled with his delicate sketches and paintings. If only he could be certain that they would become a reality. He had no idea if he would ever regain all the strength and control he needed to become the artist he so desired.

Now he sat waiting. Dr. Hamilton was scheduled to visit him to discuss his impending rehabilitation schedule. The young blond couldn’t decide if the knotting in his stomach was nausea or nervousness at having to face a new set of people. People who were supposed to make him better, “good as new” his mother had said during her visit the day before. Unfortunately, all Justin could envision were tasks he could not complete without pain, frustration and anger at his handicaps. How was this ‘physical’ therapy going to help him emotionally? 

Justin’s rambling thought processes were interrupted by Dr. Hamilton entering his room. 

“Hi Justin. How are you feeling today?” Tom asked with an upbeat tone. He didn’t like seeing his patient so dejected and thoughtful, a combination which was not good for the young man’s demeanor. 

“I’m doing all right, I guess. I don’t really know how to classify my feelings any more. I mean are these my true feelings or how my brain thinks I should feel because of my injury? If you can answer that I might feel better.” Justin replied.

“Well, sadly enough, I think it is probably both. The feelings you are experiencing are real, it is the way your brain is interpreting and associating those feelings that probably is giving you doubts. Please, try not to get discouraged; and I know it is easier said than done. It is so important for you to stay focused and optimistic; pessimism will only slow your recovery.” 

Justin knew that Dr. Hamilton’s words were not only true, but that he meant them. Tom had been championing his recovery from day one. He would listen to Justin’s concerns and try to help him rationalize them, not sugar coat them into non-existence. He would explain things on Justin’s level, but did not treat him as if he were a child. As such, Justin knew he couldn’t act like one now. 

“I will do my best. I’m somewhat nervous about starting my therapy. How will I react to the new people I will have to work with?” Justin asked.

“Justin, you will assimilate into the new environment and the people in it. Your therapy team is one of the best. They are experienced and will work with you to ensure that you are comfortable. If it is necessary, they can even come to your home. It is my hope that you will be able to attend your sessions at the therapy center, but if you are having a really bad day just let them know. You can even reschedule. The important part is that you make every effort to use each session as a stepping stone to reaching the goals that you set for yourself. The therapists can guide you but you will be the controller of your destiny.” 

“Yes, Obi Wan. I will use the force to guide me.” Justin smiled a genuine smile and chuckled at the ‘Jedi Master Tone’ that Tom had used. Tom was thrilled to see the young man laugh. It was the first indication that Justin had given that ensured his ultimate success. 

“Your mother said you had a bratty streak. It’s nice to see it.” Tom told Justin returning his smile and laughter. 

“So what will my therapy entail?” Justin inquired.

“You will have two therapists actually. Caleb Thompson is a physical therapist. He will work with you on general muscle strength for the right side of your body, with a focus on your right arm. Marci O’Neil is an occupational therapist. She will work on fine motor skills and dexterity for your hand and fingers. You will probably work with her longer than Caleb, but they will both have access to your file, so that they can make your exercises complementary and safe. The reason I have assigned them to your case is that they are both very open and easy to get along with. They also take pride in listening to their patients; learning what the patient thinks is working and what is not. They are however experts when it comes to bullshit, so don’t think you can pull one over on them.” Tom paused to see if Justin had any questions. When none were forthcoming he continued. “Initially you will meet with Caleb three days a week, and Marci once. As your strength improves you will adjust to a schedule with Caleb twice and Marci twice. This schedule will probably be Monday, Tuesday, and then Thursday, Friday, giving you adequate time to rest in between. Eventually, Marci will be your primary therapist until she and you have reached a decision determining that therapy should end.” 

“Please tell me I’ll get all this in writing. I don’t think I can remember all of that. You know that I have issues with short term memory, are you tormenting the invalid Doctor?” Justin once again replied jokingly. 

“You, Mr. Taylor, are going to be just fine! Now I’ve got rounds to finish. I’ll see you before I finish my shift. I’m telling the nurse to allow you to walk around the floor to get some exercise. Maybe that can cure some of that bratty attitude.” Tom smiled his words as he exited the room. 

 

\--~^~--  
Hallway, outside Justin’s room

“Daphne! Hey gorgeous! Why are you standing in the hall?” Emmett floated to her side gracing her with a peck on the cheek. 

“Emmett you are just too much! Dr. Hamilton is in talking with Justin, so I’m waiting for them to finish up.” 

Just then Dr. Hamilton came into the hall still wearing the smile on his face. 

“Well by the look of that smile I’d say either someone got lucky or our patient is doing better.” Emmett jibed at the still smiling doctor. 

Tom had become accustomed to Justin’s extended family and had come to enjoy trading barbs with Emmett. “Well my dear friend, as to the first, I’ll never tell” stated with a mischievous gleam, “and as to the second, I do believe that he is doing better.” 

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that!” Daphne announced, making her presence known. 

“He still has a long way to go, but I believe that he can accomplish anything. Speaking of accomplishments, I’m hoping that the two of you can help him achieve one. Aside from going to receive tests, Justin hasn’t left his hospital room. I’d like you to take him for a walk. Maybe go down to the solarium on the third floor. There will be some people there, but not too overly crowded. I need him to start venturing out. He will be going home tomorrow and I want to see how he will do.” Tom seriously stated to the two young friends of his patient. 

“Do you really think he will have that much trouble venturing out?” Emmett asked.

“Unfortunately I think he might. He has only been around nurses and doctors, except for his family. Even then, he needs to initiate contact so he feels in control, as you know. He will probably be jumpy and may tense at strangers staring or making unintentional contact. For this first trip, it would probably be best if one of you were on each side of him to provide a barrier for him. Just be alert. If he begins to have problems or you are uncertain, just return to his room.” 

Daphne and Emmett absorbed the doctors concerns. They would have to be cautious. 

Dr. Hamilton observed the consternation of the two friends and chuckled to lighten the mood. “Now don’t you two start believing foreboding doom, Justin is in good spirits and I don’t want that to change.” He spoke while shaking his finger as if scolding two small puppies. That seemed to do the trick as the uncertain glaze in their eyes vanished. 

“Well let’s go get our Sunshine Daph! It’s time to reacquaint him with this wonderful queer world!” Emmett sashayed to the door, glanced over his shoulder and entered. Daphne just rolled her eyes and followed. 

~^~^~

Justin was putting on his shoes, expecting the nurse to enter at any minute to tell him to take his stroll. He wasn’t too sure about it, but Tom had made him smile, and gave him some slight confidence. He could walk around the floor. He would just see the staff that he had become accustomed too, wouldn’t he? Well there might be some others; he wasn’t the only patient here. Doubt started to set back in maybe if he quickly got back in bed and feigned sleep he could avoid venturing out. Yes, that is what he would do. The nurse wouldn’t wake him up, would she? As Justin continued to contemplate how to get out of his walk, the door opened and he knew his time was up. 

“Hey there sweetie! You look great!” Emmett pronounced, making Justin aware of his presence. “I see you are getting all ready for me, the debonair doctor has just informed me that we get to go for a walk, check out all the hot male nurses!” 

Justin couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face. “Hi Em. I’m not so sure I’m ready to check out hot male nurses.” 

Emmett began a false pout. “But honey, I may find the love of my life! Don’t you want to be there for that most wonderful moment? When I our eyes meet and…” 

“Emmett this isn’t an episode of ‘How the Queer Turns’.” Daphne jokingly spoke. 

“Hi Daph.” 

“Hi Jus.” Opening her arms, “Can I get a hug?”

Justin walked over and embraced his dearest friend. He was so glad that she was at his side. There to help him with the challenges that he was about to embark on. Daphne squeezed harder assuring herself that Justin was real. As they pulled apart they both smiled knowing that they would always be there for each other. 

“Well you may not be interested in those “hot male nurses” Emmett is so keen on finding, but how about enjoying some sunshine and different air? Dr. Hamilton said we could walk to the solarium. Staring at the same four walls has got to be getting rather boring.” Daphne said. 

“I’m not too sure Daph.” Justin hesitated.

“You can do it! Em and I will both be with you; and it shouldn’t be too crowded.” Daphne pleaded with her eyes. She desperately wanted to get Justin on the road to recovery. It was going to be difficult enough without Brian, but they had to start somewhere. 

“Okay, as long as you are both coming?” Justin needed reassurance.

“That’s my baby! Ready for anything!” Emmett clapped. 

Justin smiled at his friends and steeled himself to face the world. 

\---~^~^~^~---

 

Jackson Hole, WY ~ June 16

Brian brought his motorcycle to a stop outside a local hotel that had the charm of a bygone era. He had left Iowa and had spent the last four days driving across Minnesota and South Dakota. He stopped in Wall, SD and saw the ‘famous’ Wall Drug and bought a few things for his friends. Having only ever seen the mountains from a hazy airplane window, he was awestruck by the grandeur that they emanated. Accepting that he really had nothing to do and no set destination in mind, he decided to stay and explore for a while. Getting off the bike he collected his bag and headed toward the lobby. 

Inside felt like stepping back in time. The floors were of warped wooden planks, the entry filled with rocking chairs, small tables with stools and the reception desk was made of polished oak. As he approached a small but portly woman came from behind the desk to greet him. 

“Well aren’t you just the most breath taking thing? Are you trying to give me heart palpitations young man? I’m Martha Cummings, I own this hotel.” 

Brian liked this woman. She knew a good thing when she saw one. “Hello Martha, does your husband know you are out here propositioning young men?” Brian asked with a smirk and raised eyebrow. “I was hoping to get a room for a few days. Do you think you can help me out?” 

“Oh DAMN! I knew I should have told those two old ladies to hit the road. I just let them my last room.” She practically pouted. “It’s the busy season here, booked pretty tight for the whole summer.” 

“Is it like that everywhere in town? I was hoping to spend a few days here.” Brian asked a bit frustrated. 

“Well most of the places in town are pretty full, but don’t you fret gorgeous, I’ve got just the place for you.” Martha went back behind the desk and began to write down directions. “Just outside the west entrance to Teton National Park is a nice little place that I think will suit you just fine. It’s run by a wonderful couple who have lived there for close to 17 years. It’s a small B&B, close enough to things so you won’t get bored, but has a nice level of privacy too. How’s that sound?” 

“I think I could handle it.” Brian wasn’t too sure, but he really wanted to stay for a while and maybe the relative seclusion would be nice. 

“Well here are the directions, now when you get there you tell them Martha sent you. They will take good care of you.” Martha said winking at Brian.

Brian stepped up on the brass railing at the bottom of the desk, leaned over and gave Martha a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Martha, if you get any nicer I might just have to come back and visit you while I’m here.” Brian knew he had the sweet woman flustered, and the crimson blush on her cheeks confirmed it. 

“Oh you better gorgeous, if you don’t, I’ll come and find you!” 

Brian turned on his heel, small smile in place, and headed back to his bike. As an after thought he turned back to Martha and asked, “What’s the name of this place?” 

“The Sassy Moose.” 

\--~^~--

Brian had stood in horror for a moment thinking about how he was actually going to be staying in an establishment called “The Sassy Moose”. It sounded like Emmett’s flannel party gone bad! He gathered his wits and prepared himself for what could be a very bizarre situation.

Following the directions Martha had given him, Brian became enthralled with the majesty of his surroundings. Driving slowly for about 20 minutes he reached the turn off for the B&B. It was a log home that appeared to be perfect for a romantic get away or a family vacation. A melancholy descended upon him, but he needed a place to stay. Parking his bike by the entrance, Brian again collected his things and made his way to the front door. As he was about to knock the door was opened by a handsome older gentleman. 

“Are you Brian? Martha just called.” The man asked with a cheerful tone.

“Yes, I am. Brian Kinney.” Brian replied, extending his arm to shake hands.

“Hi, I’m Jesse.” He answered grasping Brian’s hand in a firm welcoming gesture. 

“Well Jesse, I hope that you can help me out. I’ve become fascinated with your home surroundings and would like to stay for a while, experience part of our country I’ve been neglecting until now.” 

“First off, please come in. Normally we, my partner, and I that is, are closed during the month of July, but I think we can accommodate you.” 

Brian immediately caught the mention of a partner and couldn’t believe his luck. What were the chances of Martha sending him to a B&B owned by a gay couple? “Are you sure? I could probably find something else.” 

“Now don’t be ridiculous. Besides, Martha would castrate me if I let you get away!” Jesse said jokingly.

Brian smiled at his host taking in his appearance. He looked to be in his early 50’s at the most. Chestnut colored hair that showed a sophistication of grey at his temples. He had coffee brown eyes that sat deep below his chiseled brow. His stature was toned and spoke of manual work, probably achieved by maintaining his home in these natural surroundings. Jesse exuded a calmness that Brian immediately relaxed under. “Yes,” he thought, “I can stay here for a while.”

While Brian had been taking in Jesse’s look and demeanor, Jesse was making the arrangements for Brian to stay. 

“Okay, Brian. I’m going to put you in the “Rendezvous Room”; the rate is $100.00 a night. Is that all right?”

“Yes, Jesse that is fine.”

“Great! Before I show you to your room, I should let you know that this weekend our grandson TJ will be coming for his summer visit, that’s why we usually close. You won’t have a problem with a 4 year old will you?” Jesse was somewhat hesitant in his question. Brian appeared pleasant enough, but troubled too. 

“That won’t be a problem at all.” Brian replied, making him yearn to see his own son, well maybe in time. 

“Wonderful! Now if you’ll follow me I’ll take you to your room.” 

Brian followed Jesse down the hall to the last door on the left. “Here we are.” 

Opening the door, Jesse allowed Brian to enter first. Brian was very impressed. He hadn’t been sure what to think about staying at a B&B, but it looked like it wasn’t going to be all that bad. The room had a dazzling fireplace, what appeared to be a queen sized bed and a chaise lounge by the window. It would be very comfortable. 

“What do you think? Will it suffice?” Jesse asked. 

“Most definitely, it is a wonderful room.” 

“I’m glad you like it. The fireplace surround is made of river rock, and the TV can be found inside the lodge pole armoire just over there. Tyler, my partner, made all the furnishings in this room. The bathroom is just through the door next to the fireplace, and has a shower with a rain-maker style shower head. One of the best features of this room though is the fantastic view of the Teton Range that you can see while lying in bed. I thought you might enjoy the scenery.”

Brian was very impressed with the room, especially the furnishings when he realized they were all hand made. And the view was spectacular! “Thank you Jesse, I think I will enjoy my stay here.” 

 

Jesse could sense that Brian needed some time to settle in and rest. “Well I’ll leave you to get yourself settled. I know that this is a Bed and Breakfast, but why don’t you join Tyler and me for dinner this evening? Say around 6:30?” 

“Thanks, that sounds good.” 

“Great! I’ll see you around 6:30 then, just come back up front, I’ll meet you there.” 

“Okay.” Brian nodded. 

Jesse nodded, turned, and left Brian to get acquainted with his temporary home. 

\---~^~---

Brian unpacked his few belongings and placed them in the drawers in the bottom portion of the armoire. He then took is toiletries and put them in the bathroom. He glanced at the shower and decided that washing off the dust of the road would be a good idea. He found the towels in a small wooden cabinet and placed one on the hook just outside the shower door. Reaching into the shower he turned on the water allowing it to heat up. Stripping himself of his clothes, he climbed in allowing the ‘rain’ to wash over him. 

He had learned that it was pointless to try to convince his brain not to think about Justin, so he just let it wander wondering where he would go. He thought back to the night Gus was born. Justin was so shocked that he had turned to him and asked his opinion on Gus’ name, and it wasn’t lost on him how disappointed Michael had been. In a flash he was at the dinner, Deb cooing over Gus, Justin on a break, playing with his son over his shoulder. Justin was so good with him. Next his memory took him to his loft, Justin watching Gus while he was at the leather ball, not one of his finer moments. But he knew that he could trust Justin, Justin would NOT let anything happen to Gus. Despite her anger at him, even Mel knew that Gus was safe with Justin. 

When the water began to cool, Brian turned off the faucet and got out. Wrapping the towel about his waist, he went in and sat on the side of the bed. Why was his brain taking him to memories of Justin with Gus? Maybe, Jesse’s mention of his grandson, and him thinking of Gus had brought about the connection. He did miss Gus. Sure he hadn’t spent a lot of time with him, but when had taken the chance to go to Justin’s prom, he had hoped that it spoke of things to come. He would be brave enough to be the father that Gus deserved. Now sitting on the side of this bed, close to a thousand miles away from his son he guessed that wasn’t the case. Gus would be fine with Mel and Lindz, he didn’t need to worry. He had done the one thing he knew he would not screw up, he left the money to ensure his son’s safety and future success, which was all he could do. 

Glancing at the clock on the bed-side table he noted it was 6:00. He needed to dress and get ready for dinner. He would have plenty of contemplation time later. 

\--~^~--

Dressed in jeans and black t-shirt, Brian made his way down the hall, back to where he had first entered. As he had promised Jesse was waiting for him. 

“Did you get settled in Brian?”

“Yes, I did. Found the towels, showered, and checked out that view.” Brian answered. 

Jesse smiled. “Well, let’s head into the kitchen. Tyler should have dinner about ready. It’s his turn to cook. I cooked extra last week since his birthday was Thursday. He turned 43, but don’t tell him I told you, he’s having some trouble aging gracefully.” Jesse chuckled and led Brian through the dining room to the kitchen. Brian laughed to himself thinking about how Jesse described his partner’s reaction to yet another birthday.

Entering the kitchen, Brian got a look at Jesse’s partner. Tyler had his back to them when they first entered and his broad shoulders and slender waist were outlined in his well fitted slacks and cream t-shirt. Hearing Jesse enter, he turned and Brian was stunned by the beauty of the man. “I hope I look as good at 43.” Brian thought. He had sandy blonde hair and a beard that was highlighted by brown and red. His eyes were the color of emeralds and sparkled at the sight of his partner. Brian remained quiet as Jesse and Tyler kissed. When they broke apart, Jesse turned to introduce Brian to Tyler. 

“Brian, I’d like you to meet my partner, Tyler. Tyler, this is Brian Kinney, the guest I was telling you about.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Tyler, and thank you for allowing me to intrude during your down time.” Brian said. 

“The pleasure is mine Brian, and don’t worry, having you around will give TJ someone else to pester.” Tyler replied; happy to see Brian smile at his jest about TJ. 

“So sweetie, what have you concocted for dinner?”

“Nothing too heavy, just a salad with sliced marinated steak that I grilled, and a light vinaigrette. I have a nice Riesling chilling as well. There are also some fresh whole grain rolls too.” 

“Mmmmm, sounds wonderful.” 

“Yes, it does sound delicious. Tyler you are a man after my own stomach. This meal is exactly one that I love. My boy…” Brian trailed off, almost calling Justin his boyfriend. Which in his mind he was beginning to believe and accept, but he wasn’t ready to express it out loud yet. He couldn’t, for Justin would never be able to hear it. Brian did not want to say it to anyone, if he could not say it to Justin first. 

“Brian? Brian, are you all right?” Tyler hoped he had not done something to upset their guest.

Shaking the distracting thoughts from his mind, “Yes, Tyler I’m fine. Sorry.” 

“Can I get you a drink before dinner Brian? Ty is the wine chilled enough do you think?” It was obvious to Jesse and Tyler that Brian was dealing with something he was still struggling to come to terms with. The offer of wine was a distraction that he expected Brian would appreciate. 

“A glass of wine would be marvelous.” Brian replied, grateful for the change in topic. 

When the men had finished their meal, they went into the sitting room to have an after dinner drink. Settling in the comfortable wingback chair, Brian sipped his Beam while observing the men sitting across from him. They sat arms gently wrapped around each other, Ty leaning slightly into Jesse. He imagined that this image was one that Justin dreamed he would share with him. Brian had been stubborn and cruel, unyielding in his belief that love was a façade, not meant for him. He wondered though if he had not loved Justin, why did he feel so lost and empty now. He was brought out of his musings by Tyler’s voice. 

“What brings you out west Brian?” Ty asked. 

“Just a vacation, chance to clear my mind, make some decisions.” Brian answered. 

“Well TJ might hinder some of that. He is quite precocious.”

“Tell me about your family. How did you end up with a grandson?” Brian questioned, wanting to take the focus off of him. 

“That’s a pretty long story Brian. I warn you, Ty gets pretty exuberant when talking about the family.” Jesse said, teasing his partner. 

“Oh you can carry on with the best of them, don’t make it sound like it is only me.” Ty responded, poking Jesse in the side. 

Brian smiled at the men, envying the men’s easiness with each other. “I’ll risk it.” 

“Well Jesse and I have been together for 21 years and partners for 17. Those first four years were trying full of ups and downs, but we always came right back to where we started; each other. Shortly after our commitment ceremony, my grandfather passed away and left the B&B to me. I had spent many summers here growing up and I always said that it had to stay in the family. I was working at an up and coming business firm with my degree in public relations and Jesse was an architect. He actually designed our firm’s building in Denver. That’s where we met.  
I knew I really didn’t want to remain in business, it was never my passion, carpentry was, but I am the oldest son, and I wanted to please my father. He never discouraged my talent for building and carving, but he wanted me to have something to fall back on. When the opportunity to run this place came about, I jumped at it. Fortunately it wasn’t too difficult to convince Jesse that it was a good thing. He came up here to visit with me and fell in love with the place. We worked together side by side renovating and updating the old place.” Tyler paused in his narrative to take a sip of his brandy. 

“You’ve done an amazing job. Jesse said you built the furniture in the room I have. It is masterfully constructed. My friends would say I’m a snob about labels, but I know quality when I see it.” Brian interjected into the conversation.

Tyler beamed under the praise. “Thank you Brian. My business degree did actually come in handy. I have a store in town where I sell my furniture, and Jesse handles his architectural contracting out of it as well. But back to the family. We had been partners for three years and I told Jesse that I really wanted a family. Someone I could share my love of this country with. I was one of four brothers and Jesse is an only child. We had no relatives to ask to help us and no female friends whom we felt we could share a child with, so we looked into adoption.” 

“We were scared that being two gay men that we would not be able to adopt, but we were lucky. The social worker, Denise, had a brother who was gay, so she had a positive outlook on gay parents. She came to us one day with a brother and sister whom they were having trouble placing. The girl was 6 and the boy was 2. Their mother had been killed in an automobile accident and the father had disappeared before Eliza was even born. The children had been in and out of foster care for about a year. Social services wanted to keep the children together if possible. Eliza was old enough to have memories of Dylan and was very bonded to him. Denise came to us about them, and we immediately took interest. We had some supervised visits with them, and finally were given the chance to bring them home. Eliza loved it and Dylan instantly connected with Jesse. After six months the adoption paper work was completed and our family began.”

“Brian can I get you another?” Jesse asked Brian nodding at his empty glass. Brian nodded and listened as Tyler continued.

“We had so much fun watching them grow up and thrive in whatever they chose. I wasn’t kidding when I said that Eliza loved it here. Her love of the mountains and the earth had her majoring in environmental studies at Colorado State, and then she completed her law degree in environmental law at UC Berkley. She practiced in Laramie when she first started out, now she is in Missoula, Montana with her husband Will. Dylan is our romantic. He got his degree from the University of Oregon in English literature and history. He writes historical fiction and teaches at the University of Wyoming. He has been dating a young history professor, Kathryn, for about two years, he proposed on Valentine’s Day. They are planning to get married in November, here at the B&B.” 

“Four years ago, Eliza and Will gave us our first grandchild, Tyler Jesse Donavan, TJ for short. He is a handful but we wouldn’t have him any other way. He is interested in anything and everything. He is the best of both Eliza and Will. He will have some competition soon though, Eliza is pregnant again, she is due in September, a girl this time, Cheyenne Christine Donavan.” Tyler became dreamy thinking about the little girl who would enter their world in a few short months. 

“He has already finished her crib, he built it of course, and did all the scroll work on it. It is exquisite, made from the deepest redwood he could find.” Jesse commented praising his partner with the reverent tones he used to describe Tyler’s work. 

Brian was in awe of what he was hearing. Two gay men who were happy together, and had a family most married couples could only dream of. How was this possible? Had he tainted his beliefs so much, basing them on his parents that he couldn’t even fathom that he indeed could have a life beyond the tricks, drinking, clubs, and drugs? Seeing the easiness with which the feelings passed between Jesse and Tyler, and the obvious emotional connection made him long for Justin. This is what Justin had believed could happen for them. Justin’s innocence and passion for life had given him the courage to see past Brian’s self constructed walls and see a future with the man he believed Brian to be. Brian felt his own caged emotions struggling to escape. He needed to return to the solace of his room. 

“Wow, Tyler that is quite the tale. I’m looking forward to meeting TJ. I have a son of my own, Gus, he is just about one. Actually he will turn one in September. He lives with his mothers; my good friend Lindsay and her partner Melanie. Who knows, maybe it will give me some practice for when Gus is four.” Glancing out the window Brian noticed the arrival of dusk and decided to turn in. “I think I will head back to my room now. Thank you for the wonderful evening. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Good night Brian. We usually serve breakfast around 8:30, but since I really wasn’t prepared for your arrival I don’t have too much here, just coffee and bagels.” Jesse said. 

“That’s fine, usually I just fill my veins with coffee and I’m good to go.”

“Okay, we’ll see you in the morning then. I think we will retire as well.” Jesse glanced at Tyler with a look that obviously didn’t mean anything close to suggesting that sleep would be involved. 

“Good night.”

Brian walked back through the kitchen to get to his room. He saw the bottle of Beam on the counter and grabbed it as he passed. The emotions he was struggling with were going to need to be depressed with something. Entering his room, he quietly shut the door and set the bottle down on the small table close to the chaise. He removed his shirt, and undid the top button of his jeans. Piling the pillows up against the head board on the bed, he laid down and grabbed the remote. He started flipping through the channels hoping to find some kind of distraction. Of course the only thing on was stupid sitcoms, news, and infomercials. He finally gave up and turned it off. He rolled over to set the remote back on the bedside table, and flipped the radio on, at least it was noise. 

He rolled back over and gazed out the window that showed the mountains as they glowed with hues of pink, orange and small traces of violet. He could imagine how Justin would capture the scene on paper. It would rival the real thing, he was certain. As he continued to stare at the ever changing sky he thought about how much Justin would have loved the B&B. He smiled thinking of how Justin would have teased him about staying at a place called ‘The Sassy Moose’. He continued to wander through visions that would never come to pass. Brian continued to drink the Beam straight from the bottle, trying to drink himself into a dreamless sleep, but as his eyelids began to fall, his mind registered the song playing on the radio. 

-~^~-  
Alone is this house again tonight  
I’ve got the t.v. on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

“Well I’ve got Beam, but it’s close” 

There’s pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me  
I’ll never get over you walkin’ away

“He was playing with the scarf when he turned around and walked away. I was so sure that he would be with me later that night. That I could finally begin to be what he believed I could be.

I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show   
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self control  
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry

A single tear trailed down his cheek, trasversing the same tracks that burned his skin that fateful night. Unable to stop the rest from falling Brian gently rocked back and forth until sleep consumed him.


	8. Fractured Hearts

The Sassy Moose, Jackson Hole, WY

Brian woke the next morning to a stunning sunrise illuminating the meadow at the base of the mountains. He had actually slept without the haunting nightmares. He dressed in running shorts and a tank, heading to the kitchen for some coffee. 

“Morning Brian, did you sleep well?” Tyler asked. 

“Surprisingly yes, it’s been a while.” Brian replied pouring some coffee into the mug on the counter. 

“Anything I can help with?” Tyler didn’t think Brian would want to talk, but he wanted the man to know that he was concerned about his well-being. 

“I’m not really sure anyone can help, but thanks, I’ll keep you posted if I need someone to listen.” Brian was shocked by the words coming out of his mouth. Why was he opening up to this relative stranger? Could it be because he thought maybe Tyler and Jesse might actually be able to help? Did his subconscious believe that these men would simply listen allowing him to work through things without being judgmental? Was it because they did not know his reputation and he was able to just be who he was without any pretenses? He couldn’t give himself an answer.

Realizing a change of topic was warranted Tyler asked, “Thinking of going for a run?” 

“I was thinking about it. Can you recommend a good place to run?”

“Yeah, there is a great trail I think you will love. It’s not too steep and you can really see some outstanding landscape. Just go out the drive, go right and go down Moose Wilson Road about half a mile and you’ll see the clearing. The trail has a small wooden marker close to the ground. It will circle around and come out back at the beginning.” Tyler explained.

“Sounds great. Thanks.” Brian went back to his room, grabbed his running shoes, and headed out. 

Brian easily found the beginning of the trail. He stopped to stretch, having warmed up on the brisk walk to the clearing. The last thing he needed was a pulled muscle in the middle of nowhere. He started out at a moderate pace enjoying the clean, crisp mountain air. Even under the canopy of trees, Brian could see the blueness of the sky seeping through; he didn’t think he had ever seen such a truer color of blue, except in Justin’s eyes. He smiled thinking of his Sunshine, it was the first time he had thought of Justin and not felt like he was going to break down. He thought of the times he teased Justin about his metabolism and lack of exercise. The palatial sites of nature would have even brought Justin out with him this morning. They could have raced and then slowed to just enjoy their surroundings, laughing at the silliness of it all. A longing came over Brian as he thought of all that would never be. 

About two and a half miles into his run, Brian came across a clearing that sat pristinely in the center of the trees. Birds sang, and small creatures carried on about their morning routines. He was about to continue on, when something caught his attention. At the back of the glade, nestled in a thicket of trees sat a quaint, beautiful cottage. It appears somewhat overrun and deserted. Brian jogged up to the wraparound porch and peered into the window, wiping off the pollen and dust covering the glass. It is mostly empty with the exception of a few random pieces of furniture covered in tarps. He continued around the porch and found a for sale sign in the window. Coming around to the side Brian realized that the cottage style front belied the true size of the place. It was actually very big. It had three floors all with decks or patio space, a two-car garage, and a pathway that lead down to a building that looked to be some type of sunroom. 

Having spent about 20 minutes exploring the house Brian decided that he better start back to the B&B, he didn’t want Jesse and Tyler to worry. On his journey home he continued to think about the house. He couldn’t believe how taken he had been with it; it definitely wasn’t his normal style, not sleek, minimal, and modern. It was something he pictured Mel and Lindz liking. Thinking of his friends automatically got him thinking about Gus. Maybe he could bring Gus here? Having just gotten a brief taste of the Teton Mountains, he knew he wanted to share this with Gus. He wanted his son to experience as much of the country as he could while he was young and could enjoy the innocence and newness of it all. Give him the opportunities that he himself never had. Show him everything that he could aspire too. When he returned to the entrance of the trail, he slowed to a walk and headed straight for the inn. He would ask Jesse and Tyler about the house he had seen as soon as he was cleaned up from his adventure.

\---~^~---

Having showered and changed into jeans and a shirt, Brian headed out to the living room to see if Jesse or Tyler were around. As he came around the corner he was nearly tackled by a 4 year old little boy with flaming red hair and freckles. The little boy stumbled back and stared up at Brian with brilliant green eyes that were speckled with mischief. 

“Well hello, you must be TJ?” Brian said to the mass of boy sitting at his feet. 

TJ immediately stood and extended his small hand. “That’s me!” He said smiling at the man towering above him. “What’s your name?” 

“I’m Brian. It’s a pleasure to meet you young sir.” Brian answered shaking the boy’s hand. 

TJ giggled at being called sir. He liked this man. He had safe, magical eyes that danced when he spoke. TJ continued to hold onto Brian’s hand and led him into the kitchen. “Grandpa look who I found, this is Brian, he’s my new friend!”

“We’ve been introduced already TJ. But thank you for finding him; it’s just about time for some lunch.” TJ released Brian’s hand and took his place at the table. He had a booster seat now instead of that baby chair. He was a big boy now and could sit with his grandpas at the big table. 

“I see you’ve met our grandson Brian.” Jesse stated laughingly.

“Yes, I have. He is quite the little gentleman, despite almost running me over.” Brian replied with a laugh. 

“We warned you.” 

“I don’t mind.” 

Brian sat down next to TJ and asked, “So Mr. TJ what are you having for lunch?” 

“I’m having a peanut butter and banana sandwich. They are yummy!”

“Well I’m not too sure about peanut butter and bananas, but peanut butter and avocados now that’s what I call yummy.” Brian laughed out loud at the crinkled little face that stared back at him.

Jesse and Tyler smiled watching Brian interact with TJ. Their grandson had made yet another conquest. Tyler put TJ’s plate in front of him; one PB&B sandwich and a sliced pear. Brian received a sliced avocado, peanut butter and some whole grain crackers. Both men were happy. 

Once his hosts joined him at the table Brian began his inquiry about the house he had seen.

“That trail you recommended was amazing Tyler. I really did enjoy it. I was wondering, when I was coming toward the end, I came across a cottage that had a for sale sign. Can you tell me about it?” 

“That’s the old Hammermill Cottage. It has been sitting on that acre of land for about eight years now. The Hammermill family was one of the first to settle in this area. Three generations lived here in Jackson Hole. Unfortunately, the family line has ended and no one has shown interest in the place. It needs some work and the asking price is a bit much for the people around here. I think the park service will take over the house and land if it doesn’t sell soon.” Tyler answered. “Why are you interested?”

“I just might be. As you’ve probably guessed, I’m dealing with some demons right now, but when I saw the house, I just felt a real connection to it. I could see myself coming out here with my son and sharing all this magnificence with him. It is not really my style, but I think it could be with the right touches. Do you know who I would need to talk to about it?” 

“Kenneth Pardoe is the realtor for the county who is handling the property. I could give him a call for you? See if he could maybe swing by later and discuss it with you.” Tyler said.

“I’d really appreciate that Tyler.” Brian’s demeanor was the happiest the hosts had witnessed since they had met. 

After lunch TJ monopolized Brian’s time, telling him about all the adventures they would have. Showing him his favorite spots around the B&B. He was especially fond of the small lake close by. He loved playing with the frogs and trying to catch the fish with his bare hands. Walking back TJ asked Brian about his son. 

“Brian, do you think your son would like to play with the frogs and fish?” 

“How do you know about my son?” Brian asked. 

“Well I heard you talking to my grandpas about him at lunch.” TJ replied with an undertone of ‘duh’.

“Of course, I’m sorry I forgot that you were listening too. But to answer your question, yes, I think he would like to play with them, but he needs to grow a little more first, he’s just 9 months old.” 

“Oh, I was hoping he could come out to visit me. I mean I love my grandpas and you are a lot of fun, but it would be nice to have someone closer to my height to play with.” Brian held back a chuckle, since he could tell that TJ was serious about his dilemma. 

“Well I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we ask your grandpa’s if there are some activities that you could do that have kids your age in them? And when Gus is older I’ll bring him out to visit you and you can show him everything. Kind of like a big brother would do. How does that sound?” Brian asked, smiling down at TJ. 

“Wow! Really? I could be a big brother?! I’d really, really like that!” TJ was so excited. 

“Brian, I just got off the phone with Ken. He said he can stop by around 5:30 on his way home to talk about the house. He said he’ll bring all the details.” Tyler said from the entrance. He had seen Brian and his grandson heading up the drive and went to greet them. 

“Grandpa Ty! Guess what? I’m going to be a big brother!” TJ told his grandfather while jumping up and down. 

“What? Is your mother hiding something from us?” 

“Silly grandpa, no! Brian said I could be a big brother for his son, Gus!” 

“Well, that is a big job. Do you think you can handle it?” 

“Yea, I can do it! Besides he won’t be coming for a while, so I’ll have time to get even bigger!” Tyler looked adoringly at his grandson. He would have to talk to Brian about this. “Why don’t you head inside, I think Grandpa Jesse has a snack for you.” 

“Yippee!” TJ went bouncing into the house to tell his other grandpa the great news, and to get his snack. 

“What’s all this about Brian?” Tyler asked. 

“I’m sorry if I’m imposing. TJ was talking about how he wished he had someone his “own height” to play with. That you and Jesse were great and I was good too, but wanted someone who would play with the frogs and fish. I’m not too good with slime.” Brian said with a grimaced expression. 

“I didn’t know he felt that way. There are some great activities around the park for kids, I’ll have to get online and check into some for him.” Tyler said, quietly beating himself up for not noticing his grandson’s need for companionship.

“I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much; he probably just realized he wanted a friend his own age. Up until now he was happy with you and Jesse.” Brian said realizing his new friend was mad that he hadn’t noticed. 

“I guess you’re right, he did just start pre-school this past spring, so now that he has friends there, he doesn’t understand why there aren’t any here.” Tyler sounded a bit sad that he wasn’t the center of the young boy’s world anymore. 

“I need to inform you however, that we must take an adventure to see the bears and wolves. TJ says it is his and his grandpa’s special place, but that he thought I would like it, so he said I could come.” Brian smiled, seeing that Tyler perked up a bit at that. “What exactly is he talking about anyway?” 

“The Grizzly and Wolf Discovery Center. It is a bear and wolf preserve in West Yellowstone. They have 6 wolves and 8 bears. TJ loves them. He can spend hours watching them. I’ve never see a child so mesmerized. He loves Hayden; he’s the alpha male of the pack.” 

Brian chuckled hearing about another ‘alpha male’. That was what he was considered among ‘his pack’ back home. He wasn’t sure however if they would still welcome him into the fold, and he wondered if he even wanted the role anymore?

“Well, I think I would enjoy seeing that. When is a good time to go?” Brian asked. 

“Well it can be crowded pretty much all the time in the summer, but weekends are the worst, so I think sometime during the week would be best. How long do you think you will be staying?” 

“Trying to get rid of me already?” 

“No of course not!” Tyler thought he might have offended his guest. 

“I was just kidding Tyler. I’m not completely certain, but at least for another week. I’m hoping that after talking to Mr. Pardoe I’ll have a really good reason for staying that long.” Brian replied. 

“Well as I said, Ken will be over about 5:30. It’s just about 3:45 now, so why don’t you head up and rest for a while, and I’ll let you know when Ken arrives.” 

“That sounds good. TJ wore me out, but you didn’t hear that from me.” Brian smiled at Tyler and headed inside. 

Jesse came out and found his partner sitting on the front porch. Sliding up next to him he took his partners hand in his and let out a contented sigh. Tyler could be a bit frustrating when he was brooding about something, but he better ask him about it. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jesse asked bringing Ty out of his musings. 

“Nothing really, just thinking about Brian. I can tell he is tortured about something, but I can’t figure out what it is. At first I thought that it was about his son, Gus, but he told TJ that he could be Gus’ “big brother” when he brought him out to visit so I don’t think that is it.” 

“Well maybe he broke up with his boyfriend. I caught how he cut off his sentence the other night at dinner.”

“I suppose so, but he just seems so haunted, like it is more than that.” 

“Well we don’t know how long they were together; I know I’d be haunted if we were not together any more.” Jesse said clinging to Ty. 

“Perish the thought.” Ty took Jesse completely in his arms, “You’ll never have to worry about that baby!” Sealing his promise with a deep and passionate kiss. 

\---~^~^~---

At 5:30 Jesse went and knocked on the door to Brian’s room. 

“Come in.” 

“Brian, Ken just arrived. He’s waiting for you in the living room.” 

“Thanks Jesse, I’ll be right there.” Brian replied, getting up from the chaise and grabbing his shoes. He went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face and fixed his tousled locks. Satisfied with his appearance he exited the room and headed to meet Ken. 

“Here he is. Brian Kinney, I’d like you to meet Kenneth Pardoe.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Pardoe.” Brian said firmly shaking the man’s hand. 

“The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Kinney. And please call me Ken.” 

“Then please call me Brian.” 

“Tyler said you were inquiring about the Hammermill Cottage?” 

“Yes, I was wondering if you could give me some details about the house.” 

“Certainly. It has 3 bedrooms, 3 ½ baths, a 2 car garage, and has 3285 square feet of living space. The basement is partially finished but could have more done to it. It also comes with about an acre of surrounding land. As I believe Tyler told you there is no one left in the family to claim the property and it is just too much for most people here, and we have been unsuccessful at trying to sell it to someone out of the area.” 

“When I was looking around I saw a path off of the back that seemed to lead to a smaller building. Is that part of the property?” 

“Yes, it was used as a greenhouse, but could easily be converted into a guest house or studio of some sort.”

At the mention of the word studio, Brian became sullen. 

“Have I said something wrong Mr. Kinney?” Ken asked, noting the change in the potential buyer. He really hoped that he could convince this man to buy the place. He was tired of marketing it around. Not to mention the commission he would get for finally getting rid of it. 

“I’m sorry Ken, no, you didn’t upset me.” Brian replied. “I am however, interested. Would it be possible to see inside the property?” 

“Yes, I brought the keys with me just in case.” Ken replied excitedly. 

“Brian we hope you don’t mind but we are going to stay here get dinner ready and spend some time with TJ. You’ll be fine with Ken?” Jesse asked.

“No problem. Although, I may have some questions when I get back.” Brian answered.

“Sounds good. We’ll see you after a while then.” 

Brian followed Ken out to his SUV and climbed into the passenger side. He watched as Ken pulled out on to Moose Wilson Road and went about ¾ of a mile before turning off onto a gravel road that wound its way through the trees, then opening up to the expanse of the front of the cottage. Brian could see where he had come out of the running trail he was on earlier and wondered how he missed the drive. Looking about at the overgrown landscape he tried to imagine what it would look like with things trimmed and shaped. Ken led the way up the porch steps and stopped at the front door. Inserting the key, he struggled some, then the latch clicked, opening the door to the inside. 

“This is the main floor Brian. As you can see the foyer leads to either the dining room on the left, or the study on the right. The master suite is on this floor as well. Why don’t we go through the dining room and end in the study before seeing the other floors.” 

“Lead the way.” Brian said. He was pleased to see the hardwood floors throughout the main floor. 

Walking through the dining room there was a utility room just before entering into a large grand kitchen with an island. 

“The kitchen probably needs some updating in the appliance department, and you could stain the cabinetry to suit your liking, but it is handmade cabinetry. The nook can hold a nice sized breakfast table.” Ken said, using all his knowledge to try and impress Brian.

“I think you are right about the appliances, but the cabinetry is a good tone, just needs some cleaning up and polishing.” 

From the kitchen, they entered the great room. 

“This room features built-in hand-made cabinetry as well on either side of the fireplace. As you can clearly see the back wall is mostly French doors that open onto the large porch. There is also a wet bar in the corner.” 

Brian was becoming more and more impressed with the house. 

“Why don’t we take a look at the master suite Brian?” Ken brought Brian out of his musings looking out over the view from the porch. 

Upon entering the master suite, Brian felt a pall fall over him. “Who would he share this with?” He thought. “Don’t go there right now Kinney!” He chastised himself. 

“I’m sorry Ken what did you just say.” Brian felt a bit sheepish at not paying attention. 

“Just that there is a connecting door to the study from the master suite, just beyond the linen closet down this small gallery hall. There are two large walk in closets, and the bath has duel sinks, a stall shower, large Jacuzzi tub, and an enclosed toilet. 

They returned to the foyer via the study, which Brian really loved. It had floor to ceiling bookshelves of deep mahogany on one wall, and a built in work station in the back corner also made from the mahogany wood. 

“Well, up or down Brian?” 

“Let’s see the upstairs.” 

“This level boasts two bedrooms of equal size and two bathrooms with showers; although I’m sure you could have a tub put in one if you like. Both also have large walk in closets.” Ken gave Brian the specifics of the rooms, but he was taken with the open balcony to the great room below and the windows that opened up this area to the majesty outside. “Each room also has French doors opening onto the upper deck.” 

“Brian do you want to see one of the rooms?” 

“Sure. What are these?” Brian asked pointing to two built-in areas. They are meant to be work stations, but you could have bookcases put in if you liked.” 

“Okay, let’s see one of the rooms.” 

Brian was pleased with the size of the rooms, and thought the one he was standing in would be perfect for Gus. He could leave the workstation on that side for his son, and turn the others into bookshelves outside what he would make the guest room. Ken left the man to his musings for a moment and stepped out onto the deck. Brian couldn’t believe himself. He was already buying the place in his mind and he didn’t even know the cost yet. Becoming aware that he was alone in the room he ventured out onto the deck to find Ken. 

“Shall we see the rest of the house?” Brian asked.

“All right, let’s head back downstairs.” 

Coming down the stairs Brian found himself in the most compartmentalized portion of the house. Being as it was the basement, he should have expected it. 

“Through this door you can enter the garage, which will house 2 cars, and there is also a large amount of space for work benches, or mechanic space; as well as doors leading onto the back patio. I noticed your motorcycle at the B&B, the alcove over here in the area of the bay window would be a nice home for it.” 

“You’re right it would be. What else is down here?” 

“Well the door over on the other side of the garage used to just be a mud room that led into a ski storage area, but the last owner converted it into a wine cellar. If we go into the other door off the garage we enter into the bonus or what I like to call the entertainment room. It was converted into a home theater and lounge.” 

“This is amazing! My friends would love this!”

“Why don’t we go out to the porch and I’ll show you what’s out there.” 

Brian followed Ken back to the garage and out through the porch doors. The porch was made of a gray flagstone as was the path leading to what Brian had learned was the greenhouse. There was space to have a pool installed and a whirlpool spa. Brian knew he had to have this house.

“So what do you think Brian?” Ken asked with trepidation in his voice. He was of the opinion that the man liked it, but he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure. 

“How much is the asking price?” Brian asked matter of fact.

“$ 1.5 million, but that includes the land surrounding it as well.” Ken flinched and cowered waiting to hear the man’s response.

“Write it up.” 

“Excuse me?”

“I said Write. It. Up.” Brian could tell that he had just blown the man away, and was having fun with him. 

“You’re kidding?” Brian looked at Ken with a look that said, “No I’m dead serious.”

Deciding to take pity on him Brian once again replied. “Ken, Ken are you paying attention? I’d like to put in a bid on the property. Offer 1.1 million and see if they will bite. I can go up to the asking price, but I do want to do some renovations so the more I can save the better.” Brian was enjoying the look of absolute awe on Ken’s face. 

“I…I’ll get right on it.” Ken was having a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that he was probably selling this place. 

“When do you think you might have an answer for me?” 

“Probably in a day or two. I know the county really wants to sell it, so they may be willing to go down in price.” 

“That’s great. Keep me posted.” Brian had to laugh at the man’s excitement. 

“Well I’ll get you back to the Sassy Moose, and I’ll start working on the preliminary paperwork tonight, so I can get the ball rolling first thing in the morning. If I can just get some basic information from you, we’ll be off and running.” 

“No problem.” 

Brian wrote down the information that Ken needed while they were driving back to the B&B. They said their goodbyes and Ken went off to begin the process of convincing the county to sell the house at the price Brian was willing to offer and Brian went in to relax for the evening. 

\---~^~^~^~---

Taylor Condo, Pittsburgh, PA

Justin had been home for 3 days. It was now Monday and he was getting ready to head out to his first therapy session. Settling in to the strange environment was not as easy as he had hoped. He lashed out at his mother and sister on several occasions when they were only trying to help. The worst was when he first came home to discover that his mother had created an art corner for him in his room. It had a top of the line drafting table, shelves for all the supplies he could imagine, and on the walls she had hung some of the sketches he had done of Molly, Daphne, the gang, and also one of Brian. He felt suffocated and lashed out. She was pushing too hard. He might never draw again. Did she think he wanted the reminders of what had been? He had thrown the desk over, breaking the attached lamp and sent the framed pictures crashing to the floor. Ironically, the only one that didn’t fall was the one of Brian. 

He apologized to his mom the next day, and said that he would try to do better. Molly had become frightened by Justin’s rage, but showing a maturity beyond her years she suggested that if Justin felt pressured by them, he should just walk away signaling that it was all too much and he needed some space. Consequently she and her mother would know to back off. He couldn’t believe his sister’s insight to his problems, but was very proud of her, and agreed that he thought it was a good idea. So Saturday, was okay, and Sunday, had gotten better. They were learning to live with each other again. 

Today would be the first time that he ventured outside the condo. He was scared. No other way to describe it. The clinic where he was to take his therapy was close to the hospital, but it was still a new environment, filled with people and things he had no idea how he would react to. He always pictured physical therapy rooms as large open areas with lots of people trying to get better, but staring at each other, comparing each other. It was the fear of being watched that scared him the most. He supposed that was because, Hobbs had been watching him and Brian, but he didn’t see him, and then it was all too late. 

“Justin, Are you ready to go?” His mother appeared at the door to his room. 

“Yeah, just let me get my shoes on. Then I’ll be right down.” 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you in the car.” Jennifer answered. 

She had learned very quickly that Justin wasn’t going to be immediately okay once she got him home. It was just the opposite. He seemed to be worse. She had called Dr. Hamilton that first night, after Justin had finally exhausted himself into a deep sleep. He told her that she needed to expect this, and just allow Justin to take things at his own pace. That was so difficult for a mother. She wanted to be able to hug her first born and make all the monsters go away, like she had done when he was a young boy. But her hugs were no longer all the medicine her son needed. On Saturday she readied herself to allow Justin to come to her, and allow him to figure things out on his own. Over dinner she reminded him that she would be there for him whenever he needed anything, but that she would try not to overwhelm him. She smiled remembering that after she had said that, Justin was heading toward the stairs to retire to his room, but he hesitated, turned back around and opened his arms to welcome his mother in. She had cried on his shoulder and when he loosened his grip she quickly backed away. He had leaned over and given her a kiss goodnight and disappeared to his room.

The opening of the car door brought Jen out of her memories. Justin climbed in and fastened his seatbelt. 

“Ready?”

“As ready as I’m going to get.” Justin replied, trying to sound upbeat for his mother’s benefit. 

\---~^~---

Jennifer pulled into a parking spot outside of Allegany Rehabilitation and Sports Therapy, and came to a stop. Looking over at her son, she could see the hesitancy and trepidation in his eyes. But the stature of his posture contradicted the look. Jen knew that he would conquer this, but it would probably be an uphill battle. 

“Okay, Emmett will be here to pick you up at 10:30 and take you home. I’ll see you this evening when I get home from work. Molly should be home from school about 3:30.” 

“Thanks Mom. I’ll see you later.” Justin said climbing out of the car and heading inside the building.   
Once inside the waiting room, Justin sequestered himself in a corner away from all of the other patients. The receptionist had said the staff was running a bit behind today, so he had to wait for 15 minutes. He had tried to time it so he wouldn’t have to wait, that he could go right back, but obviously the powers that be wanted him to have to deal with this. He did the deep breathing that Dr. Hamilton had suggested he do if he began to feel panicked. It seemed to help, so he just closed his eyes and continued to breathe. 

“Justin Taylor?” 

Justin jumped at hearing his name. Once he reoriented himself he looked up to see a young woman with light brown hair and hazel eyes. How he loved hazel eyes. He stood up identifying himself as the person she was looking for. He carefully walked toward her. 

“Hi Justin, I’m Marci O’Neil.” 

Justin was surprised that the therapist had come out to greet him. He had suspected that he would be escorted back by some aide, and made to wait even longer. 

“Justin? Are you all right?” Marci asked. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Just surprised you came out to get me personally.” Justin answered. 

“Well, I don’t like it when I’m made to feel like a random chart, so I don’t treat my patients that way either. Are you ready to head back?” 

Justin liked Marci. She was honest and had a straightforward manner. “Yeah let’s start the torture.” 

“Let’s try not to be too melodramatic, I won’t torture until I know you better.” Marci smirked at Justin opening the door to the room they were going to be working in. 

Justin grinned at her and entered the room. It was a good sized room, a window looking to a small garden, and walls done in a vibrant but soothing yellow. There was a table with two chairs facing each other. Justin saw several devices on the table as well as some art supplies that he recognized. He became uncertain when he saw the pencils and pastels; surely she wouldn’t make him draw today? Taking a deep breath, determined to accomplish what was asked of him, Justin took a seat at the table ready to get started. 

Marci observed Justin while he took in the room. She had reserved this room for him on purpose. She had talked with Dr. Hamilton and learned about some of the associated complications that Justin might have. She wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. She had repositioned the table so that Justin would be facing the door, so it would be a visible escape for him. This room was the only one with a window and Marci figured the added openness given by the window would also help Justin not feel closed in. She did want to challenge him a bit, which is why she had placed the few art supplies on the table. Tom had also told her about Justin’s passion for art and his fear of never drawing again. It would be a stumbling block for him and probably her greatest challenge. But she had an ace up her sleeve. Justin Taylor would be her greatest success story if she had anything to do with it. 

Seeing Justin take his place at the table she sat down across from him ready to get started.   
“Okay Justin, today we are just going to get a foundation from which to start, see what you can do and what I will need to work on when planning your sessions.” Marci was very careful in choosing her words. She did not want to use any negative connotations. 

“Sounds okay, what do I need to do?” 

“First I’d like you to explain to me as best you can how your hand feels to you. Your perception is the best gauge I have.” Marci told him. 

“Well the first word that comes to mind is weak. Not just because I can’t grip anything steadily, it’s a true feeling, it’s almost as if the muscles are not there.” Justin said.

“That’s good Justin, good description. Now I’ll see if I can put your mind at ease a little. First off, the muscles are still there,” she told him with a grin. 

“I know that.” Justin said petulantly, but grinning as well. 

“Seriously though, what you are experiencing is common, not only in your condition, but in many injuries. I had a piano player once who was in a car accident and severely dislocated her elbow. She described one of her symptoms very much the same way. She is now playing with the Philadelphia symphony.” 

“Is there anything else you can tell me?” Marci continued to question.

“Whenever I try to grip something and pick it up, the muscles in my palm spasm and I get a sharp pain that shoots up my arm.” Justin reported. 

“How far up your arm does the pain go?”

“Just below my elbow.” 

“Does it ever go any higher?” 

“No I haven’t experienced any pain above the elbow. Sometimes my fingers will cramp for no reason, it wakes me up sometimes.” 

“All right, any numbness or tingling?” 

“No not really, well maybe a little right after my fingers cramp up, but it goes away really fast.” 

“Is the tingling in all your fingers or one or two?” 

Justin tried to think back to the last time the cramping happened. “Umm, I’m pretty sure it’s just my ring finger and my pinky.” 

“Good job Justin. Okay, we’ll move forward, if you think of anything else you want to tell me, just let me know. We are going to start taking some general measurements, basically just range of motion, meaning how far you can move each of the joints in your hand and fingers. After we finish with that, we’ll do a bit of strength and flexibility and then we can talk about your upcoming sessions. Does that sound okay with you?” 

“Yes, that sounds fine; and Marci, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” 

\---~^~---

Emmett was waiting for Justin when he came out from the therapy room. Justin was happy to see his friend. Emmett was pleased that Justin seemed to be in relatively good spirits. Jennifer had warned him that Justin might be upset or despondent, and to be prepared for the worst. That did not appear to be the case, Justin had leaned in and gave his therapist a quick hug and turned to Emmett with a smile on his face. It wasn’t one of his blinding smiles, but it was still a smile. 

“Hey gorgeous, how’d the first session go?” Emmett asked.

“It went surprisingly well. I like Marci, she doesn’t take any shit, but she doesn’t make me feel like an incompetent child. We are going to be working as a team to get me back to where I need to be.” Justin said confidently. 

“Oh baby, I’m so proud of you! I know you will be drawing again in no time.” Emmett opened his arms to suggest a hug and Justin accepted it willingly. Pulling out of the hug Emmett asked, “So are you ready to head out?” 

“Just give me a minute to set up my next visit. I have to meet with Caleb next time as well as seeing Marci.” Justin walked up to the reception counter and made his appointment for Friday at 9:30. He would meet with Caleb for 30 minutes then work with Marci for an hour. 

Securing his next appointment, Justin turned to Emmett and they headed out. Emmett had borrowed Teddy’s car to take Justin home. Emmett wanted to take advantage of Justin’s good mood and see if he could get him to walk around for a while and maybe have lunch at the diner. He would take Justin home if he wanted to but he was hoping he would want to stay out. 

“Justin how about going down to Liberty, and doing a little bit of window shopping? Maybe we can meet Teddy for lunch at the Diner?” Emmett suggested. 

Justin faltered at Emmett’s suggestion, but he was hungry. “I don’t know about doing the window shopping, but lunch sounds good.” Justin replied, glancing at Emmett to see if he was disappointed in him. 

“Great! I’ll call Teddy and see if he can meet us in half an hour.” 

“You’re not mad that I don’t want to shop?” Justin asked.

“Oh baby, hell no! I just thought we might spend some time out and about. Staying cooped up in that condo has to get boring. I just wanted to give you some options.”

“Thanks Em, I appreciate it. I think I will feel okay at the Diner.”

“You’ll be great baby!” 

\---~^~---

Justin enjoyed his lunch at the diner with Ted and Emmett. Debbie wasn’t working so he didn’t have to worry about her turning into a mother hen, and he was able to just sit and talk with his friends. He was a little jumpy at first, but after they ordered and started talking he calmed down. It was the first time he had felt ‘normal’ since he got out of the hospital. After lunch Emmett dropped him off at his mother’s condo and headed to work, he had the afternoon shift at Torso. 

Justin was worn out when he got home so he decided to rest for a while until Molly got home. He knew she would wake him up when she came barreling through the front door like she always did. Sure enough about two hours later…

“JUSTIN!” 

“I’m on the sofa Molly.” Justin answered her bellow.

“Hey, how did therapy go?” 

“It went good. I like my therapist, she’s really good.” 

“I’m so happy for you Jus; I was worried at school today, hoping that you would have a good day.” Molly said flopping herself down on the sofa next to her brother. She was excited when he didn’t flinch at her movements. 

“Everything went fine. I have my next appointment on Friday.” Justin said. He appreciated the obvious concern his sister had for him. “Hey Mol, do you have any homework to do?” 

“A little. I have 5 pages of history to read and a worksheet to finish.” She sounded so put out about it. 

“Well Marci, that’s my therapist, gave me some exercises to do, so why don’t I sit with you in the kitchen, we’ll get a snack, do our “homework” together, then we can watch some t.v. until mom gets home.” Justin suggested. 

“That’s sounds cool, I’ll go get my backpack.” Molly jumped off the sofa to get her bag she had dropped by the door when she came in. 

Justin went to the kitchen, got some lemonade and Chips Ahoy to snack on and sat down at the table with Molly. While Molly read her history, Justin worked with the low resistance putty that Marci had given him. He found the comic section of the paper and rolled the putty over the cartoons, then distorted them with his kneading. It was actually kind of fun. Then he moved on to the rubber band exercises she suggested. Marci had told him to stick to big or more general movements at first, and then as he progressed they would work toward more fine motor control needed for his art. 

“I’m all done Jus. Do you want to watch some t.v. now?” Molly asked her brother. 

“I’ve got a better idea. How would you like to help me with my exercises?” 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to do anything wrong and hurt you.” Molly said with some trepidation. 

“It’s really simple; we’re just going to throw a tennis ball around.” 

“Okay, that sounds easy enough. I’d like to help you.” Molly was so happy that she would be able to help her brother get better. She had felt somewhat useless since he had gotten home; being able to help made her feel important.

The siblings headed out to the front yard to toss the ball back and forth. That was how Jennifer found her children as she pulled into the driveway of her condo. 

“Hi Mom! I’m helping Justin with his exercises. It’s so cool!” Molly greeted her mother at the car. 

“That’s great sweetheart!” Jennifer smiled at her daughter’s enthusiasm and looked up to see Justin smiling at her. 

“Hi honey, how did therapy go today?” Jennifer asked. 

“It went better than I thought. I really like Marci.” Justin offered; glad to see his mom look at him without any sympathy. 

“I’m very proud of you Justin. You could have gone in with a defeatist attitude after all you’ve lived through, but you didn’t. I can’t tell you how much that makes me admire the young man you’ve become. You’re going to be my famous artist yet!” Jennifer was shocked when she found her arms filled with her son, hugging her tightly. 

Justin pulled away from the hug and looked at his mother with so much love. “I couldn’t have done it without you mom. I have no doubt that I get my tenacity from you. I’m sure there will still be low times to come, but I have some hope now.” He became melancholy again and Jennifer knew Justin was thinking of Brian. “I just wish Brian would come home. He infuses me with so much determination. I’m scared for him mom, and there is nothing I can do about it.” Justin looked down at his feet, feeling tears well into his eyes. 

“Justin, look at me.” Jennifer gently prodded. “Brian will come home some day. When I can’t say; but you can’t let his absence deter you from your goals. You still have PIFA to plan for, and you know Brian wouldn’t want you to give up on that or yourself. If it helps you to think that you are doing all this for him that’s fine, just promise me you won’t give up.” Jennifer pleaded. 

“No mom, I can’t do all this for Brian. He wouldn’t want that, I need to do this for me, and by doing it for me, I’ll be doing it for him. I need to be the best me I can be. Brian wouldn’t accept anything less.” Justin said the tears gone and determination filling his eyes. 

“You’re right, he wouldn’t.” Jen smiled. “Oh, Melanie called me today. She needs to speak with us soon to find out what we want to do. She is meeting with Hobbs’ lawyer this afternoon, so I told her to come by this evening for dinner. I think Lindsay is going to bring Gus over as well. Is that okay with you? It won’t be too much will it?” 

“Actually, I’d love to see Gus! Maybe he can help keep my emotions occupied while we talk with Melanie.” Justin got excited thinking about seeing the little boy. He hadn’t seen him since well before getting hit by Hobbs. He had probably grown leaps and bounds. It would also be a connection to Brian. 

He took his mom’s hand and then Molly’s and led the two ladies into the house to get ready for their guests.


	9. Fractured Hearts

Taylor Condo, Pittsburgh, PA

Jennifer was putting the finishing touches on dinner when the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it mom!” Molly yelled from the living room.

Molly opened the door to find Lindsay standing there with Gus in her arms and his bag thrown over her shoulder. “Hi Molly.” 

“Hi Lindsay, can I take that bag for you?” 

“Thanks sweetie, Gus here is getting to be a handful.” Lindsay responded happily. 

Justin heard Lindsay’s voice from the top of the stairs and was glad that she had arrived first. It would give him some time with Gus, before he got tense from discussing things with Mel. He walked down the stairs smiling at Lindsay. 

“Hi Lindz. Hey there little man. Wow! You’ve gotten so big!” Justin reached out to the small miniature of Brian. Gus grabbed on to Justin’s finger and cooed joyously. 

“Seems the Kinney men can’t resist you, Justin.” Lindsay said. 

Justin’s smile faded a bit. “Oh Justin, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“No, no Lindz, it’s okay. I need to be able to think about him. It won’t do me any good being sad about it. It won’t bring him home. Can I hold him?” 

“Certainly. You take him so I can get his jacket off.” 

Justin carefully took Gus into his left arm, being as it was stronger, and then protectively wrapped his right arm around Gus’ back. He was so happy holding the small boy. When Lindsay had his little arms out of the jacket, he carried Gus over to the wingback chair in the living room and sat down. He set Gus on his lap, and Gus grabbed onto his fingers and began to bounce happily.

Molly was sitting on the floor in front of Justin watching as he played with the small boy. Lindsay stood in the entryway to the kitchen watching with a smile on her face. She was so happy to see Justin smile, and glad that her son could bring him some happiness. 

Jennifer came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish towel. She too smiled at her son. 

“Hi Lindsay, how are you?” Jen asked. 

“Hi Jennifer, I’m doing as well as can be expected. I still can’t believe that Brian left. I have always been able to see him and take Gus to see him since Gus was born. Brian left me the money to take care of Gus, but I’m ashamed that he felt that that was all we needed from him. I know he was scared to be a father, but he was starting to get pretty good at it.” Lindsay said with a soft voice. 

Jennifer linked arms with Lindsay and turned so that they were facing the living room. “We just have to be thankful that we still have our son’s to love and care for. We have to do that for Brian; he loves them both so much.” 

Lindsay turned to face Jennifer with a shocked look on her face. “I didn’t think that you…”

“Could believe that Brian loves Justin? I can’t deny that I had my doubts, but seeing him, seeing the despair in his eyes, how he condemned himself for Justin getting hurt; I couldn’t doubt his love for Justin any longer.” 

The two women were disturbed from their discussion by the laughter coming from the living room. Justin was teasing Gus with his stuffed bear while Gus giggled with laughter and tried to reach his toy. Molly was just laughing at how silly her brother was being with the baby. 

Seeing that her son was in good hands, Lindsay asked, “Can I help you with anything in the kitchen?” 

“You could help me with the table, and if you have anything you need to prepare for Gus we can do that.” 

“Okay, let me grab Gus’ bag.” 

“When do you expect Mel to get here?” Jen asked. 

“She phoned around one o’clock and said that her meeting across town was at 4:00. She was coming here as soon as that meeting was over.” Glancing at the clock, seeing it was ten minutes until six she continued, “I would suspect that she will be here soon.” 

“Everything here is just about finished. The chicken has about five more minutes so that should time things about perfect. Do you need to heat up anything for Gus?” 

“Yes, here is his supper; it just needs about thirty seconds in the microwave, so we can wait for Mel.” 

“Why don’t we go to the living room and check on the kids while we wait.” Jennifer suggested.

“Sounds good.” 

\---~^~---

Melanie pulled her car into the driveway of Jennifer Taylor’s condo and turned off the ignition. She sat for a moment collecting her thoughts. A short time ago she was sitting in the board room of Hobbs Steel, Inc. listening to the offer that Rhett Carrington was offering Justin. She was totally stunned when Derek Hobbs had phoned her office personally asking her for a meeting at four this afternoon. What had startled her more was the stoic attitude of Mark Hobbs, Chris’ father. She had expected him to be arguing and fighting for his son, but he seemed to feel threatened by his brother, allowing Derek to control the meeting. 

She had listened attentively to the points of the plea bargain as they were set out by   
Mr. Carrington and couldn’t say that she was completely disappointed by what they were offering. It included jail time for Chris as well as a hefty settlement for Justin, but she knew she had to confirm with him that he wanted to settle. She didn’t want to take away Justin’s day in court if that was what he wanted. Taking a deep breath she collected her briefcase and exited the car. 

“Mom, Melanie just pulled up.” Molly said, as she was looking out the front window. 

Sitting by the door, Jennifer got up to let Melanie into the house. 

“Hi Mel, I’m glad that you could come for dinner. Justin is having such a good evening playing with Gus. Lindsay got here about twenty-five minutes ago with him.” 

“I’m so happy that he is having fun.” 

“What did you find out today?” Jen couldn’t help but want to know what kind of fight she was going to have to put up. 

“Well it definitely wasn’t what I was expecting.” 

As Mel was about to continue, Justin appeared. “Hey Justin, it’s good to see you up and about. Your mother was just telling me that you have been keeping Gus occupied.” 

“Yes, he is the best baby ever! We were having a very good time, but Lindsay needed to change him before dinner. Did you want to talk now?” 

“Not one to beat around the bush are you?” 

“Mel, you know bush isn’t my thing.” Justin said with a gleaming smile.

“Justin Taylor!” Jennifer scolded. 

“Don’t worry about it Jen,” Mel said laughing, “It’s good to hear him teasing and joking around. Why don’t we eat dinner first, and then we can talk.” 

“Okay.” Justin said. 

The two families sat around the table getting ready to share a meal. Jennifer had brought up the high-chair that she kept for when her brother brought his kids at holidays, for Gus to use. She placed it between Lindsay and Justin’s chair. Justin was heating up Gus’ dinner, while the others prepared their plates. 

“Thank you Justin.” Lindsay said while trying to take the dish from him.

“Can I feed him, please?” 

“Are you sure? He can get a little fussy.” 

“It’s all right, please.” 

“Be my guest.” Lindsay replied. 

Justin put Gus’ bib around him and waited for the food to cool a bit. Melanie smiled as she watched Justin carefully make sure that Gus’ dinner wasn’t too hot. She remembered how scared he had been when she had angrily busted in to Brian’s loft when Lindsay had left Gus with Brian, during the time that she had to go to the teaching conference. She really was being unreasonable that night, but she was only thinking of Gus and she was so mad at Brian for leaving him that she didn’t consider Justin’s feelings at the time. She knew now, just as she had known then, that Justin would never put Gus in harm’s way and would do anything to protect him. She was beginning to believe that Brian felt that way too, but he still needed to prove that to her. 

“Okay Gus, if you won’t eat it then I will.” Distracted from her memories, Mel watched as Justin brought Gus’ spoon to his mouth as if to eat the food. Gus immediately cried out and reached for his spoon. “Oh you want this now do you?” Justin teased Gus. 

“Here it comes.” Justin moved the spoon around as if it was flying into the young boy’s mouth. Gus giggled until Justin had placed the spoon in his mouth. Gus continued to eat as Justin continued to make a game out of it. While Gus would eat his food, Justin would take small bites of his own dinner, so that he and Gus were eating at the same time. When Gus finished his food, Justin cleaned him up and gave him his sippy cup of juice and a couple of animal cookies, while he finished his own dinner. 

Lindsay, Melanie and Jennifer all watched Justin as he cared for the young boy. Jennifer felt a bit of regret that Justin would probably never have the chance to have his own children, but maybe he could be something like a father to Gus. Molly had finished her plate and played with Gus and his animal cookies until everyone was finished. 

“Mom, do you want me to clear the table?” Molly knew that Melanie had come over to discuss the case against Chris Hobbs, and she didn’t need to be around. 

“Thank you, honey, that would be great. Once you do, leave the dishes for later and join us back in the living room.” Jen replied.

Molly responded with a surprised look. “Are you sure mom?” 

“Molly, you are part of this family, and I won’t shut you out. I want you to know what is going on.” 

“Justin? Do you mind?” 

“Molly, you’ve been great through all of this. I don’t mind at all.” Justin smiled at his sister. 

Molly began to clear the table, and was infused with a sense of pride that her brother and mother were treating her like an adult and not closing her out. 

Everyone else was settled into the living room when Molly entered. Justin was once again in the wing chair with Gus in his arms. The baby was dozing off while playing with Justin’s fingers. Jennifer sat in the chair adjacent to Justin, and Mel and Lindsay were sitting on the sofa. Molly sat down at her mother’s feet and anxiously waited for what Melanie had to say. 

Jennifer took a sip of her wine, and then looked at Mel. “What do we need to prepare for, Melanie?” 

“Well as I said when I first arrived, it wasn’t what I was expecting. Mr. Carrington presented a plea bargain to me, under what appeared to be the strict supervision of Derek Hobbs.” 

“Who is Derek Hobbs? I thought Chris’ father’s name was Mark?” Justin asked. 

“Derek is Chris’ uncle. He holds the controlling stock in Hobbs Steel, Inc. He’s also gay.” 

Justin’s eyes became as large as saucers. He couldn’t believe that his attacker had a family member who was gay. How could he do this to Justin, when his uncle was gay? “Why then…” 

“I have gotten the distinct impression that Mark Hobbs and Derek Hobbs have been estranged from each other for some time. I am also certain that Mark Hobbs poisoned his son’s mind against anyone who is gay. I think he was afraid that Chris would turn out like his brother.” 

Justin couldn’t help but scoff at that comment, knowing what had transpired between Chris and him in the sports shed. 

Melanie continued. “I believe that Derek may be using your case as a way to get at his brother, and I don’t want what you have suffered to be put in the background because of a feud between them. I’m going to go over what they are offering you and then we can discuss your options.” 

“Okay.” Justin took a deep breath and prepared his mind for what Mel was going to tell him. 

“First off, Chris is being charged as an adult.”

“Yes, but what will he be charged with?” Jennifer asked. She knew that Melanie had been upset after her first visit with the police. 

“Assault and Battery” Melanie answered. 

“What does that mean?” Justin asked. 

“It means that he is being charged for two crimes actually, one crime defined as one in which he intended bodily harm and a crime in which bodily harm was actually carried out. Both of these crimes are also defined as civil wrongs for which you may file a suit for damages.” 

Justin nodded his understanding. 

“Hobbs and his lawyer based their settlement offer on the fact that I told the police that I wanted him charged with Homicide 1 which is attempted murder. They must have had enough uncertainty in their case and enough belief that I could get it to make this offer.” 

Melanie paused to get her notes of the offer. “By reducing our charge to Assault and Battery they are offering the following: Chris will spend up to three years in a minimum security facility, with the chance for parole after eighteen months. If he gets parole, he would have to serve 1000 hours of community service. If he doesn’t get parole, then he will have to complete 500 hours of community service when he gets out. They have agreed to not pursue any charges against Brian for striking Chris and they are also offering 1.5 million dollars in damages.” 

The room went quiet. Justin couldn’t imagine ever having that much money, but beyond that he couldn’t believe that they were actually offering jail time. He thought for sure that Chris would get off with a slap on the wrist. 

“Mel, what happens if we don’t take the offer?” Jen had to ask. 

“If we refuse the offer, we could attempt to counter offer with other stipulations or we go to trial.” Mel responded. 

“What happens if we go to trial?” Justin questioned. 

“It wouldn’t be pretty Justin. I won’t lie to you. There would be a jury, we could get a judge who is conservative, not to mention that you would be dragged through a media circus and all your history with Brian might be brought up.” 

“I’ll take the offer.” Justin said. 

“Justin! Shouldn’t we talk about this?” Jennifer looked astonished at her son. 

“No mom, this is my decision. I want to put this behind me. I need to focus on getting better, not worrying about a trial. They are offering a lot of money. I can’t ignore that, it would ensure my future for college and then some. I would have eighteen months of knowing that Chris is behind bars, I wouldn’t be looking over my shoulder all the time. I think it is the best.” Justin rationally explained to his mother. 

“And what about Brian, we don’t know where he is.” Molly inserted into to the conversation. 

“I have to say that I agree with Justin, Jen, and Molly has a very good point. One of the biggest complications of the trial would be Brian’s role in all of this. If we refuse the offer, they could charge Brian and with his disappearance it could make it that much more difficult and shift the jury’s decision.” 

“If this is what you want to do Justin, I’ll support you completely.” Jennifer said.

“Thank you mom, that means everything to me.” Justin smiled at his mother, reinforcing his statement. He would have gone and hugged her, but he didn’t want to disturb Gus. “So what do we have to do to make this happen?” 

“I will call Mr. Carrington first thing tomorrow and set up a meeting. Is there a time that is best for you, Justin? I’ll need you to be there to sign the papers.” 

Justin tensed at the thought of having to see Hobbs. Melanie sensed his uneasiness immediately. “Justin, he won’t be there. It will just be me, you, and Mr. Carrington.” 

“Can my mother come?” 

“Of course she can be there.” Melanie told him. 

“Good; Tuesday or Thursday would be best. I have therapy on the other days.” Justin said. 

“Do you want me to see if we can meet tomorrow or would you prefer to wait until Thursday?”

Justin looked over to his mother, wanting her opinion. 

“Let’s try to meet tomorrow and if they can’t then we’ll meet on Thursday.” Jennifer suggested taking the pressure off of Justin. 

“It’s only eight o’clock, let me try to call Mr. Carrington and see if I can make the arrangements. I’ll be right back.” Melanie took her cell phone and stepped out onto the front porch to make the call. 

Justin had seemed to shut down. He was gently rubbing his hand through the downy soft hair on Gus’ head, watching the small chest rise up and down. “He is so perfect. He has the same tiny little snore that Brian has when he is in a deep sleep.” Justin said softly.

Molly sat silently at her brother’s feet with a single tear sliding down her cheek. She was so sad that Justin had to go through this. She was frightened when Justin acted as if no one was there. She was afraid that he would never come back. “Justin?” Molly’s soft small voice reached out to her brother.

“I’m fine Molly. He just looks so much like Brian. I miss him.” Justin’s voice caught in his throat.

Molly stood and sat on the arm of the chair that Justin was sitting in looking down at the baby boy. “Well if Gus looks like his daddy, I can see why you loved him so much.” 

Justin looked at his sister and looked at her with an appreciative smile. “You know Mol, I never thought I’d say this, but I’m pretty lucky to have you as my sister.” 

Molly smiled. “I’m pretty lucky too Jus.” 

Lindsay sat and watched the two siblings. She hoped that someday she or Mel could give Gus a little brother or sister. She didn’t want him to be an only child; she wanted him to have family that could help him when she and Melanie got older. Someone who could be his friend no matter what, someone he could teach things too, and someone who would look up to him. 

Melanie entered the living room and sat down next to Lindsay. “What were you able to work out, sweet heart?” Lindsay asked. 

“It seems that the Hobbs family wants to get this done quickly. Mr. Carrington set the meeting for tomorrow at eleven o’clock. Justin, is that okay with you?”

“Yes Mel, that’s fine.” Justin answered. 

“You and your mom can come to my office around 10:45. I requested that they come to us. I thought it would be more comfortable for you if you were on more familiar ground.” 

“Thanks Mel, I appreciate that.”

“Justin, there is one other thing I want to mention. Mr. Carrington asked if you would mind if Derek Hobbs attended the meeting. He wanted to speak to you.” 

“Did he say why?” 

“No he did not. I told Mr. Carrington that if you did not want to meet with Derek I would call him back and let him know. It’s completely up to you.” Mel made sure by her tone that Justin knew that he did not have to meet with the man. 

“I’ll meet with him. If he is gay, I don’t think he will be a threat. I would like you and my mom to be there with me.” 

“No problem, sweetie, we will stay with you the whole time.” Melanie reassured him.

Lindsay stood signaling the end of the evening. “We need to get this little man home to bed.” She went to Justin to collect her son. “Justin, you can come and see Gus when ever you want. If you’d like you can take him to the park or just play with him at the house.” 

“I’d really like that, thank you.” Justin handed the sleeping boy to Lindsay, aching from his absence. 

Jennifer led Melanie and Lindsay to the door, handing Mel Gus’ things. “Thank you for all you have done to help Justin, Melanie. I don’t how to begin to thank you.” 

“Jen, you, Justin, and Molly are family, and I don’t abandon my own.” Jennifer took Melanie in a tight embrace thankful that Justin had met and befriended these amazing people. 

Leaving the embrace Jennifer spoke again. “We will see you tomorrow around 10:45. Is there anything we need to bring?” 

“The only thing you might bring is medical documentation or any hospital bills you have received, just so we can make copies to keep in the permanent file. I have already obtained Dr. Hamilton’s notes on Justin’s treatment and history, since you signed the release allowing him to provide them for the proceedings.” Mel answered. 

“I’ll bring them.” Hugging Melanie once again, and waving to Lindsay as she put Gus in his car seat, she said good night to the women, and went to check on her children.

\---~^~---

Molly was upstairs getting ready for bed. Justin still sat in the wing chair in the living room. 

“Are you disappointed in me mom?” Justin asked, all of a sudden uncertain about his decision to take the settlement.

“Justin, absolutely not! You made your decision based on what you felt was best for you and your future. How could that disappoint me?” 

“I’ve always been such a fighter, and I feel like I’m copping out, being selfish.” 

“Justin I want you to listen to me.” Jennifer kneeled down in front of her son. “You are still a fighter. You are NOT being selfish! As much as I want to help you and take away your pain, I know I can’t. I don’t know how you feel, and that tears at my heart. But I do know you, Justin. You will survive this. If accepting the settlement will make your recovery easier, then I’m one hundred percent behind you on your decision. I want you to fulfill your dreams. I want to see you go off to college, and be the biggest success that you can be. I have to agree that knowing that monster will be behind bars while you are getting settled, does ease my mind tremendously. So please don’t give up on yourself; don’t give up on what you know is right for you. I’ll be here no matter what.” Jen cupped her hands around Justin’s face and wiped away the tears that were falling from his eyes.   
Justin fell to the floor and allowed his mother to hold him and absorbed her strength. Jennifer gently rocked him as he cried. 

Jennifer wasn’t sure how long she had consoled her eldest child, but Molly’s soft sniffling made her aware of her presence. She gently nudged Justin to make him sit up. 

“It’s been a long day. Why don’t we all get some sleep? It will be another trying day tomorrow. We will all need to be well rested.” 

Justin looked to his sister sitting on the stairs and nodded to his mother. He stood helping her to her feet. “I love you, mom.” 

“I love you too, Justin.” 

Justin walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at Molly. “Come on Mol, I’ll tuck you in.” 

Molly smiled and reached out for Justin’s hand. He gripped her small fingers and healed just a bit more. 

\---~^~^~---

The dawn of a new day arrived and the dawn of the rest of Justin’s life came with it. He and his mother were now sitting in Melanie’s office waiting for Mr. Carrington and Derek Hobbs to arrive. The ride over had been filled with silence. Molly had stayed at the house with her friend Teresa, so there wasn’t any idle chatter coming from the backseat. 

Melanie sat behind her desk organizing the paperwork that would need to be signed. She wanted to make sure that this meeting would go as smoothly as possible. Since Justin had agreed to all the stipulations of the settlement, it shouldn’t take too long to conclude the proceedings. Once everything was signed, she and Mr. Carrington would present the agreement to a judge for the final approval. 

Chris Hobbs was still in the county lockup and would be transferred to Allegany Minimum Security Center after the papers were signed by the judge and filed in all the appropriate places. Just thinking about that monster made Melanie’s skin crawl and her blood boil. She knew that Justin’s decision was the best one for him, but there was still a part of her that thought the little bastard, Hobbs, was getting off easy. 

Glancing up from her desk, she noticed the demure posture of Jennifer Taylor and the nervous agitation of Justin. He was bouncing his leg, and chewing on the end of his thumb. He looked like he was in the principal’s office and was about to be punished. 

“Justin, are you okay?” She asked. She wanted to make sure that he was not going to have a panic attack. 

Startled out of his blank gaze, “Yeah, I’m okay,” Justin replied. I just want to get this all settled so that I can move on.” 

“I know sweetie. It will be over soon.” 

“Mel? Do you know what Derek Hobbs wanted to speak with me about? I’ll have to admit I’m uneasy about talking to him.” 

“He didn’t say exactly, but I think he wants to at least make some sort of effort to apologize for his nephew’s actions. He has been a big help in making things go smoothly for me during the preparations for the settlement, and I think he has kept his brother and nephew out of it, so that you would get the most benefit.” Mel answered, needing to reassure Justin that Derek meant him no harm. He really had been a big help. 

“Thanks, Mel. Mom said that she had met him briefly at the club several years ago, and that he seemed like a decent man, but I still have my doubts.” 

“Justin no one can blame you for being cautious. You have been through a great deal, and you still are recovering, but I can honestly say that I don’t think Derek means you any harm.” 

Just then the intercom to Mel’s office buzzed. “Ms. Marcus, Mr. Carrington and Mr. Hobbs are here. Should I show them to the conference room?” 

“Yes Kristen, thank you. Tell them we will be there momentarily.” 

Melanie collected all the documents she would need, allowing Justin to collect himself.   
Justin stood and gripped his mother’s hand. Jennifer looked up at her son with pride and conviction. She was glad that this would be over soon. Justin absorbed his mother’s strength and squared his shoulders. “Let’s go, Mel. I’m ready.” Justin said with a steady voice. 

\--~^~--

When Melanie, Justin and Jennifer entered the conference room, Mr. Carrington and Derek Hobbs stood to greet them. Mr. Carrington was cold and aloof barely acknowledging Justin or Jen, while gruffly shaking Melanie’s hand. He was still angry at being lead around like a dog by Derek Hobbs. Derek was patient and calm. He cordially shook Mel’s hand as well as Jennifer’s. He waited for Justin to come to him. Justin recognizing Derek’s efforts slowly reached out his hand, offering it to Derek. A genuine smile graced the other man’s face at the gesture. 

“Shall we get started?” Melanie began. 

“We have all the paperwork prepared and it just needs to be signed by all the parties present.” Mr. Carrington spoke. 

“Very well.” Mel collected the documents from her opponent and reviewed them carefully, making sure that nothing had been changed or tampered with. She didn’t trust Carrington not to try to pull a fast one. 

“They are the same as they were before Ms. Marcus.” The other attorney said. 

Melanie just glanced at him with a condescending look and continued to read. She didn’t care how pissed the man got; she would not let Justin sign anything until she was completely assured that everything was perfect. 

Once she finished, she reviewed all components of the agreement with Justin and Jennifer to ensure that they understood them. Finally, Justin signed all the documents and initialed where he was instructed to. Melanie then followed suit, before relinquishing the documents to Mr. Carrington and Derek Hobbs. Both men signed below Justin and Melanie’s signatures. It was done. 

Justin sat back in his chair and watched as Hobbs’ lawyer collected everything. “I will see you tomorrow in Judge Gavin’s chambers to file the papers, Ms. Marcus.” 

“Yes, see you at 10:00, Rhett.” Melanie replied, not giving the man any respect by calling him by his first name. 

Aware of the snub, he grabbed his briefcase and left. 

Derek still sat at his place around the table in the room. He wanted to apologize to Justin, but how do you do that to someone that has lost so much. 

“Mr. Hobbs?” Justin had left his seat and approached the other man. “Mel said that you wished to speak to me.” 

“Yes.” Derek hesitated. He didn’t think it would be this hard. “I wanted to say that I am sorry for all the pain and damage that my nephew has caused you, but it just doesn’t seem adequate.” 

“You are right. It doesn’t. But you had nothing to do with it. You didn’t put the bat in his hand; you did not swing it; so you trying to apologize really doesn’t make sense.” Justin said quietly. 

Derek looked up at the strong young man in front of him. He was astonished at how Justin could be so calm. He figured he would be angry and frustrated. Yet he was neither. “Justin I may not have taken the actions that Chris did, but I feel responsible for his feelings of hate and lack of tolerance. I knew how his father was, how he felt about me. I should have known that he would teach those same views to his son. Maybe if I had tried harder to be a part of his life, this wouldn’t have happened.” 

“Mr. Hobbs, it is too late to go back now. We don’t know for sure that any influence you might have had on Chris would have made him any different than he was. The only thing we can do is move forward. Try and prevent something like this from happening again. Try and teach tolerance to others. We can not force it on them; they have to want to embrace it. If they choose not too, we can only hope that they will not seek out violence as a way to show their disapproval.” 

“Justin, you are an incredible young man. I wish you the best of everything. If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to contact me. I know you are an artist and every artist might need a sponsor from time to time. Please keep me in mind.” Derek said with true genuine meaning in his words. There was nothing else he could say. Justin would be a benefit to the world. He was just glad that his nephew had not succeeded. 

He stood and once again extended his hand to Justin, which the young man accepted. This time his grip was firm and confident, Derek knew that his apology had been acknowledged. He didn’t know if he would ever hear from Justin, but he would follow his progress and maybe one day he would own a Taylor original. He said his goodbyes to Jennifer and Melanie, while making sure that Mel would contact him if Carrington or his brother tried anything. Melanie graciously thanked him and said that she would keep in touch. 

“I’m so proud of you, Justin.” Jennifer said to her son. 

“Thanks mom. It wasn’t easy, a part of me wanted to blame him, but I knew that wasn’t right. He wasn’t at fault. He seems like a good man. I could sense that he was sincere and that if there had been anything he could have done to prevent this he would have. And the fact that he has been in my corner and has seen to it that Chris is behind bars and we will be able to take care of all of my medical bills and then some, I just felt that I had to ease his conscience.” Justin offered. 

“You are a good man Justin. I just know that in the end you will be a great big fucking success!” Melanie said with a gentle knowing look in her eyes. 

For the first time in quite a while Justin smiled a smile that reached his eyes. That was what Brian always told him. The best way to get back at all the homophobes was to be the biggest, richest fucking success you could be; and now he was on his way. 

\---~^~^~^~---

Jackson Hole, Wyoming

The sun rose gracefully over the awakening landscape. You could hear the frogs croaking and the birds tending to their morning chores. Brian stretched as he looked out the window from the bed. It was the earliest that he had gotten up since arriving at The Sassy Moose. He chuckled; he still couldn’t get over the name. 

“Knock, Knock, Knock!” Came the banging on his door. “Brian, get up! We’ve got to go see my friends today! Get up sleepy head!” TJ shouted from the other side of the door. 

“I’m up.” Brian answered. 

“I don’t believe you! Let me see!” 

Laughing at TJ’s antics, Brian got up out of bed, slipped on his jeans and went to the door. Upon opening the door, he was practically bowled over by the red-headed whirlwind. “See I’m up. You little man need to slow down; you are making me tired already.” 

“But you can’t be tired! We are going to see the bears and the wolves today! You promised!” TJ pouted, taking Brian literally. 

“I was just teasing TJ. Are your grandfathers up yet?” 

“Yes, they got up when I did. I got them up first!” 

“Okay, let me take a quick shower and then I’ll be ready to go.” Brain said while he looked down at the small boy.

“Well hurry, okay!” 

“Okay!” Brian replied. 

TJ turned and headed out of the room just a quickly as he had entered it. Brian closed the door and went to take a shower. He knew that he had better be quick about too, otherwise he was going to have an inpatient red-head banging on his door again. 

Twenty minutes later, Brian was dressed and ready to go, well except for his morning coffee that is. He realized that he wasn’t nearly as cranky as he usually was without it, but by no means was he giving it up. Coming around the corner he got his first whiff of the delicious aroma. 

“Good Morning, Brian.” Jesse said while handing Brian a fresh cup of coffee and placing the sugar jar next to him on the counter. 

Brian gratefully accepted. “Morning. I hear you have been up for a while now.” Brian said looking at his host with a wicked smile.

“Yes, we have been. Thanks to TJ’s excitement. But I can honestly say that I don’t mind. TJ being up so early will make it easier to wear him out, so that he won’t be so testy to bring home this evening.” Jesse said with an air of experience. 

Brian drank his coffee and ate a slice of toast that Jesse had given him. As he was placing his cup in the sink Tyler and TJ came barreling into the kitchen. Tyler chasing TJ as if he was a bear, growling as TJ shrieked with joy. 

“Save me Brian, save me!” TJ screamed as he ran behind Brian’s legs using them as a defense against his grandfather. 

“Halt you scary bear! Don’t you scare my friend.” Brian said playing along. 

Tyler came to a stop and became grandpa again. TJ came out and ran to his grandpa and jumped to be picked up. 

“You ready to head out on our adventure?” Tyler asked his grandson. 

“Yeah!!” TJ yelled with delight. 

“Okay, well we’ve got the Jeep all loaded and we are ready to go. So let’s get this show on the road boys!” Tyler said, motioning for Jesse and Brian to follow. 

Brian and Jesse smiled at each other and followed the other two outside. TJ and Tyler sat in the back while Brian was in the passenger seat beside Jesse. 

“Brian, I put an old camera of mine there in the front for you. I thought you might like to take some pictures. It is about a two hour drive and we will be seeing some amazing country. We will be driving along the Snake River and then past Jackson Lake. We’ll take a break at the South entrance to Yellowstone National Park, stop at Old Faithful and then head on to West Yellowstone. We should get there around eleven o’clock.” 

“Wow, I hadn’t realized this was going to be such an excursion. But I’m ready!” Brian said. 

“If you see some place you’d like to stop for a picture, just holler, and I’ll pull over.” 

“Sounds good.” 

“Okay gentlemen we are off!” Jesse announced as he backed out of the driveway and headed down the road. 

\--~^~--

The grandeur of the mountains and lakes left Brian breathless. He had asked Jesse to stop a few times before they reached the south entrance so he could take a few photos. If he ever got back to Pittsburgh he wanted to share what he had seen with his family. They had just finished watching Old Faithful erupt and were heading on toward the bear and wolf center. TJ was getting more and more antsy the closer they got. If he asked Jesse “how much further?” one more time Brian wasn’t sure he wouldn’t get out and walk the rest of the way. Finally Brian saw the entrance with the National Park Service kiosk and knew that they were almost there. 

“Just a few more minutes TJ.” 

“Yippee! I can’t wait to see Austin!” 

“Who is Austin?” Brian asked hoping to engage the boy in conversation until they reached their destination. 

“He is my best friend at the center. He lets me help and tells me what the bears and wolves have been up to. Sometimes he lets me feed Stoke!” 

“And just who is Stoke?” 

“He is the coolest bear there! His brother, Revel, is cool too, but Stoke is the best!” 

“Wow, are you going to let me help too?” 

“Well I don’t know?” TJ said in all seriousness with a look of concern on his face. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. The bears and wolves don’t know you, they might get scared. Austin says they only hurt you when they are afraid, so we will have to ask Austin.” 

“I guess you are right. I wouldn’t want to frighten them and get eaten up.” 

“No! We sure wouldn’t want that! Maybe you should wait in the car?” TJ said, and Brian just laughed at the boy’s innocence. 

“I think you would do a pretty good job protecting me, so I’ll chance it.” Brian said. 

TJ puffed his chest out with pride, with the idea of protecting Brian. 

“Here we are guys.” Jesse said as he brought the Jeep to a stop in front of the center. 

After being released from his restraints, TJ practically leaped out of the Jeep and headed straight for the entrance. 

“TJ! Slow down, wait for us!” Tyler yelled as he, Jesse, and Brian tried to keep up. 

They caught up to the young boy just as Austin was picking him up for a hug. Austin was a young man probably about twenty with light brown hair cut short and sleepy brown eyes. He was tanned from his work in the sun and wore a grizzly and wolf discovery center t-shirt with well worn jeans. Brian looked on at the pleasant view but did not feel any inclination to do more than that. He had learned his lesson. 

“Hey buddy, how is my best helper doing today?” Austin asked.

“GREAT Austin!” TJ said as he moved to be put down. TJ ran over to Brian and grabbed his hand, beckoning him to follow. 

“Austin, this is Brian; he is my new friend. We have to keep him safe. He wants to meet my bear and wolf friends, but we don’t want them to eat him!” 

“You are so right, TJ, we’ll look out for him.” Austin said, while smiling up at Brian. 

“Are Revel and Stoke outside Austin?” Tyler asked when he joined the small group, having paid the entrance fee. 

“Yep, they are out there frolicking around as usual.” 

Still clinging to Brian’s hand, TJ pulled him out toward the habitats outside. Reaching the habitat, TJ pointed out the two bears to Brian. 

“There they are. Stoke is the one that looks almost black. Revel has a lighter face.” 

Stoke was pushing on a tree and then finding some branches he had knocked off earlier he began to play with them, tossing them around with his huge paws. Revel was in the opposite side, interacting with another bear.

“That is Spirit in there with them this morning.” Austin said coming up behind TJ. 

“Have you told Brian how Revel and Stoke got here, TJ?” 

“Oh, I forgot! See Revel and Stoke are twin brothers. Their mommy was killed by a mean man in British Columbia, Canada when they were cubs. They can’t survive on their own as babies, so they brought them here. Now they are safe and happy!” TJ told Brian.

“That’s some story TJ! I bet they are happy that they met you too.” Brian said smiling at the small boy. 

“TJ, I’m getting ready to feed the pack; you want to help?” Austin asked like it was no big deal. 

“REALLY! COOL!” 

Austin lead TJ over to the area designated for the wolves and showed him how to lift up door that would give the wolves’ access to their food. That was all he was allowed to do, but to TJ it was the most important thing. 

Tyler and Jesse walked with Brian over to the outdoor habitat and explained a little bit about the pack. “The wolves are known as the Gallatin Pack. It consists of six wolves, four female and two males. They were born into captivity, so they could not be released into the wild.” Tyler explained. 

“It has been so interesting seeing the wolves reintroduced into the wild here in Yellowstone, but the wolves here are used to promote discussion and educate people about restoration and future management of the ecosystem as the wolves become an active part of it again.” 

“This is really amazing. I never thought I would see something like this.” Brian said in awe as he watched the pack move about the acreage. 

“Do you see that one there?” Tyler pointed to a male, with dark coloration throughout his gray coat, and distinct black markings on his face. “That is Hayden, TJ’s favorite. He’s the alpha male we were telling you about.” 

Brian found the animal in question and watched him. He stood on an outcropping of rocks looking out at the other creatures below him. It reminded Brian of his perch at Babylon on the catwalk, where he would observe over his “kingdom”. How his life had changed in such a brief amount of time. He would more than likely be like the beta male now. He was sure that some young stud had been taking over his reign. He waited for the sensation of outrage or horrifying contempt to take over him, but it did not come. He didn’t care. Brian was discovering a whole new man that was inside of him, that he had never bothered to see, since it wasn’t expected to be there. He didn’t think he wanted to be the same person he had been. Oh, he would undoubtedly still have his moments of sarcasm and disdainful wit, but he didn’t want that to be all that he was. He began to realize that the person he was seeing himself become was the person that Justin had sensed in him all along. The person that Justin was trying to love. He felt a snap of cold shoot through his body. Why did Justin have to lose his life for him to have this epiphany? 

“Brian. Brian?” Jesse gently placed his hand on Brian’s shoulder gaining his attention. “Where did you go?” 

“Just back in time. I’m okay.”

Jesse didn’t really believe Brian but he let it go for now. TJ wants to go to the IMAX and see the movie that is playing there, “The Splendor of Yellowstone”. Is that alright?” 

“Yeah, sounds good. Just let me make a pit-stop first.” 

“I think we all should.” Jesse replied. 

Brian turned back to the wolf one more time taking in his majestic stature. He snapped a photo and then left. He would save that one for sure, a reminder. 

\--~^~--

It was coming up on five o’clock TJ was getting hungry. “Grandpa, my tummy is making noises! It needs food!” 

Brian couldn’t help but let out a boisterous laugh. It sounded like something Justin would say. 

“We are going to get dinner now.” Jesse answered. 

They pulled the Jeep up along the street and parked. Brian helped TJ out of his seat and turned to look up at the restaurant. “What is it with you two and moose?” Brian stared at the name of the establishment, “Bullwinkle’s Saloon and Grill”

“What we happen to think that they are extremely handsome creatures.” Tyler answered. 

“You’ve got to be kidding?” Brian looked at his host in disbelief.

“No we’re not!” Tyler said smiling at Brian and pushing him toward the entrance. 

TJ was given a set of antlers and was happily coloring the picture on the back of his placemat, while the adults relaxed and sipped at their drinks. 

“So, have we worn you out yet, Brian?” Jesse asked. 

“I’ll admit, I’m a bit tired, but it is a good feeling. I’ve had a really wonderful time today. Thanks for sharing all this with me.” Brian said to the men sitting across from him. 

“You are more than welcome, Brian. TJ has so enjoyed showing you everything. I think it has made him feel grown up and important. You are really good with him. Your son is very lucky; he has a great dad.” Tyler replied to Brian. 

Brian felt filled with pride having this man tell him he was a good father. He definitely didn’t have the greatest role model. Tyler’s statement had gone a long way to letting him know that he was not following in his father’s footsteps. That had always been his biggest fear, from the moment that he had agreed to father Gus that he would inherently be like his old man. An angry, resentful drunk. In the clarity that he was experiencing on this journey, he realized that he had made a conscious decision to help Lindsay have a child, his child. He should have known then that he wouldn’t be like Jack. Jack had never wanted him, but despite his outward appearances and statements to the contrary, he really did want to be a father. 

Looking over at TJ as he colored, Brian had to wonder if he would ever get the chance. He had left under such horrible circumstances and he had made no contact with his family and friends, with the exception of his postcard to Jennifer. They would all be so angry with him, blaming him. He couldn’t think about it anymore right now. Their food had been delivered to the table so he put his thoughts to rest and focused on his meal. 

They had finished dinner and were on the homebound trip. The sun was beginning to sink in the west and the slightest hues of orange and pink could be seen at the tips of the jagged rocks of the mountains. He sat in the back at TJ’s insistence and cradled the boy in his lap as he slept soundly, his oversized fingers running through the red locks. Again he was transported to a time when he would wake and watch Justin sleep, gently caressing stray strands of gold from his brow. What he wouldn’t give to do that again. 

A ghost of a smile spread across Brian’s face as he imagined sharing all he had seen today with Justin and his son. The two young men would have frolicked around like puppies at all the wonder, and when Gus had gone to the land of Nod, he and Justin would have held each other under the stars and watched as the mountains engulfed the sun. Maybe if he was lucky, he would someday at least be able to share it with Gus. 

Pulling back into the drive way of the Sassy Moose, Brian roused TJ. 

“We’re home champ.” 

“Uhmm.” TJ moaned as Brian disturbed his slumber. The gentle humming of the Jeep and Brian’s caressing had left him in a deep sleep. 

Brian shifted the small boy, and climbed out of the back. He then picked TJ up and carried him inside. He was about to hand him over to Tyler, when TJ spoke. “No, Brian put me to bed, I want a story.” 

“TJ, grandpa will tell you a story.” 

“I want Brian to tell me one!” 

“It’s okay, Tyler, I don’t mind, as long as you don’t?” Brian looked at his host questioningly. 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, it’ll be good practice for me. Gus will want stories soon.” Brian said, not going on to describe if he was able to see him again. 

“Okay, his pj’s are in the top drawer of the dresser, and he can put them on by himself. His toothbrush is next to the sink.” 

“I’ll find them. Come on champ, pj’s, clean teeth, and then a story.” Brian said to the young boy in his arms. 

TJ was all set for bed, and ready for his story. Brian had tucked him snuggly under the summer blanket, and sat on the side of the bed. 

“So what kind of story to do you want to hear?” Brian asked. 

“The “once upon a time” kind.” TJ replied. 

“Humm.” Brian contemplated what he could possibly tell him, and he decided on the truth, well the truth that could be told to a small child. 

“Once upon a time there was a very handsome man. He lived in a great city and had many friends. He had a wonderful job and thousands of toys at his disposal. One night, he was getting ready to head home, when he saw the most beautiful young man he had ever seen. He had hair like spun gold and eyes as blue as cornflowers.”

“What was his name?” TJ interrupted.

“His name was Justin and he fell instantly in love with the man. He was new to town and wasn’t sure if he should talk to him or not. But the man, Brian, walked up to him and smiled.” 

“Hey he has the same name as you.” 

“Yes he does. Now where was I, Oh yes. Brian walked up to Justin and asked him if he would like to go somewhere to talk. Justin knew instantly that he could trust Brian and went with him. Over the next months, Brian and Justin became good friends, but Brian could not admit that he loved Justin, and this made Justin sad. He so wanted someone to love and love him back. On Brian’s birthday, he decided that he would give himself and Justin a present and tell Justin about his feelings for him. Justin was attending a dance with his friend Daphne and Brian went to see him. When he arrived, Brian was very scared. Afraid that people would make fun of him, but he had to do this. Brian and Justin danced a beautiful dance. After the dance was over, Brian had to leave, and Justin needed to take Daphne home. Justin walked Brian to his car, and they shared a beautiful kiss. Brian new in that moment that Justin was for him.” 

Brian looked down and saw that TJ had fallen asleep. He was relieved because he had no idea how he was going to spin his reality so that everything turned out all right in the end. He stood up slowly and leaned over and gave TJ a small kiss on his forehead. “Sweet dreams champ.” He walked quietly to the door and turned off the light, keeping the door open so a beam of light could creep in from the hall. 

“Interesting story.” Jesse said as Brian entered the hallway. 

“Damn! You scared the shit out of me!” Brian had his hand clasped over his chest and was calming his breath. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” Jesse looked at Brian shamefully. 

“Yes you did.” Brian said without malice. “I know that both you and Tyler have been curious about me since I arrived.” 

“I don’t mean to push Brian, but you just seem like you really need to talk about something. You have moments when you seem so happy, but yet there is a shadow over that happiness that keeps it dampened.” 

“Maybe you are right, maybe I do need to talk about it. Why don’t you go and get Tyler and I’ll meet you in the living room.” 

Brian couldn’t believe that he was actually going to open up about what had happened to Justin. Self discovery certainly was a bitch; but if he couldn’t be with Justin, he was at least going to try to be the man that Justin knew he could be.

* * *

The Grizzly and Wolf Discovery Center is a real place and the descriptions of the animals are taken from their web site. I have visited there myself and it is an amazing place. You can check out the animals there at: www.grizzlydiscoveryctr.org Also Bullwinkle’s is an actual restaurant in West Yellowstone. I would also like to say ‘The Sassy Moose is an actual Bed and Breakfast in Jackson, WY. I have used actual descriptions from their website, but no disrespect or infringement is intended. I just thought it was a cool name and would be fun for the concepts of this story. Here is the web site if you are interested. www.sassymoosejacksonhole.com If you have never been to this portion of our beautiful country; I highly suggest it. All should see the majesty you can find there!

Finally, a huge thank you to all of the readers, and those who have provided feedback. Your encouragement has kept me going!


	10. Fractured Hearts

Pittsburgh, PA ~ July   
Law Offices of Carrington, Smith, and Hawkins

 

Dear Mr. Taylor, 

This is to notify you that the settlement payment in the amount of $1.5 million has been deposited into the specified account disclosed during the final settlement meeting. 

Rhett Carrington

 

“Not a man of many words” Justin thought as he read the brief letter he had just opened. It seemed as if he was a popular person today. He also received a large packet of information from PIFA. The thought of the school, only reminded him of how discouraged he was with his progress in therapy. It had only been three weeks, but he knew he could be doing better; he just let his frustrations get the best of him. He had sent a small bouquet of flowers and a balloon to Marci after his blow up at his Wednesday session. She had cancelled his Friday appointment telling him that he needed to take an extra day off. So now he found himself staring at information, which he wasn’t sure, what to do with. 

He couldn’t believe that he now had that much money in the bank. He knew that he needed to pay all the hospital and therapy bills. The knowledge that he would be able to pay for college without having to burden his mother or himself with loans, was a great relief to his mind. He just didn’t have the confidence he once had to be certain of his college path. Justin also wanted to do something for Melanie for helping him and his mother with all the legal stuff. He knew that she was doing it because she considered him family, but he wanted to do something. Maybe he could volunteer to watch Gus for a weekend, and Lindz and Mel could go on a little get-a-way. He would talk to his mom about it. 

What else? Maybe a car? Justin really liked the new Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x4. He wanted it in the metallic mid-night blue fully loaded. It would have plenty of space for his art supplies and canvases. He could take himself to therapy, and not have to rely on his friends so much. He would also be able to take Gus around in it too. Again…talk to mom.

His mom, how could he possibly repay her, he’d have to really think about that. He also wanted to set up a college fund for Molly. He didn’t trust his father’s word about anything, and he wanted Molly to do and become whatever she had a passion for. Maybe he could ask Lindsay what they had set up for Gus and he could do something similar for Molly, or maybe Ted could give him some advice. He didn’t really want his mother to know about it. He wanted to do this, and figured his mom might object. He could set up the account and then have it be a part of Molly’s graduation present from high school. Justin was thinking again of what to do for his mom, when… 

“Justin? Are you home?” Jennifer spoke loudly. 

“In the kitchen, mom!” 

“Of course you are!” She said teasingly, walking through the doorway. “What have you got there sweetie?” 

“It’s the letter from the lawyer’s office. It says the money has been deposited into my savings account.” 

“Oh! I guess I thought it might take longer than just two weeks.” Jen stated, just as shaken as Justin about having access to that much money. 

“I was thinking about you when you walked in.” Justin said, getting up to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. 

“Really? What about?” 

“That I’m really going to need your help and advice dealing with a lot of things.” Justin answered. 

Jennifer glowed hearing Justin say that he needed her. He had become so independent, and then distant and hesitant after the bashing. She wasn’t sure if she would ever truly be able to help him again. She was glad she was wrong. 

“You know I am always here for you, Justin. You are my son, and I will help you in anyway I can. I will give you my opinion and offer advice, but ultimately the decision will be yours. You have turned into a fine young man and I know you will accomplish what you set out to do.” 

“Thanks, Mom. It means a great deal to me to hear you say that. I still have so much doubt and confusion, lack of confidence; and I don’t know how to handle it. I think I know, but then the uncertainty just creeps back in.” Justin said somewhat frustrated. 

“I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel sweetie, but I can say that I too have had my doubts about things I’ve done, or will do, but unfortunately that’s the risk you have to take. I know that risk probably feels like a double-edged sword for you, because you can’t be certain if your doubt is from true uncertainty or if it is a reaction because of your injury. I think all you can do, is try. Be vigilant and steadfast. You may make mistakes, you may have some regrets, but if you have given your best that is all you can do.” Jen squeezed Justin’s hand in encouragement. 

Justin stood and pulled his mother into a tight embrace. At that moment he truly knew how lucky he was to have her in his life. He pulled back and smiled. Jennifer returned the full-bodied beam and laughed a bit at the “after-school special” drama that had been going on in her kitchen. Justin joined her giggling. 

“So what should we tackle first, on the “Justin Taylor to do list”?”

“Well, I want to make sure that enough money is taken out to pay for all the medical bills and my therapy.” Justin said. 

“Okay, I’ll get all the insurance papers together and see what they are paying and then we will see what’s left. So that takes care of that one.” 

“I’d like to do something for Melanie and Lindsay. I was thinking about getting them a weekend spa retreat or something. I know Mel won’t take compensation for everything she’s done, but I want to repay her somehow. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I offered to watch Gus for them while they went?” 

“I think that is a wonderful idea. And you can either watch Gus here or if you think it would be easier, you could stay at their place, and I can stop by every so often and help out if you need it.” Jennifer said in an encouraging voice. “Two items down!”

“Some of the others I think will be a bit more work. I need to get my mind settled about PIFA. I need to go and talk to an advisor. I want to talk to Marci about what she thinks I can handle the first couple of semesters. Or if I’m just deluding myself and shouldn’t even consider going?” Justin said with a sound of self-pity. 

“Justin Taylor, you will be able to go! I have no doubt of that in my mind! I knew you would be an artist from the first time I put crayons in your hand. You may not be able to do as much at the beginning, but you will make it!” 

“Okay, okay!” Justin said putting his hands up in defense of himself, while smiling at the lioness that his mother became when defending him, even against his own doubts. 

“I was also thinking about getting a…um…a car?” Justin wasn’t too sure how she would feel about that. Was it a frivolous want?

“Do you really want one? I mean you’ve never had a problem with public transportation.” Jen asked. 

“I don’t mind taking the bus, but it would be nice not to have to stick to someone else’s schedule for a change. And this way I could take myself to therapy, I could pick up Molly from things, so you don’t have to rush around so much. I also thought that once I start school it might be easier to get all my art supplies around in.” 

Jennifer stopped her son’s prattle by placing her fingers over his lips. “Honey, Justin, you don’t have to convince me. If you want to get yourself a car, it’s fine with me.” 

“Really? You don’t think I’m being frivolous?” 

“No, sweetheart, I don’t. Most young men your age have a car, why should you be any different?” 

“Maybe we could go and look this weekend? I was thinking about maybe the new Jeep Grand Cherokee, but we can look at others too if you think we should.” Justin said. 

“It’s going to be your car Justin, you get what you want.” 

Just as Justin was about to comment the doorbell rang. “Were you expecting anyone?” Jen asked. 

“No.” 

Jen stood and went to answer the door. With a quick glance out the side window she saw Daphne bouncing just outside the door. Jen smiled as she opened the door to let in her son’s long time friend. 

“Hello, Daphne. How are you doing?” 

“I’m doing great Mrs. Taylor. I got my packet from Carnegie Mellon today. I thought I’d come over and show it to Justin.” 

“Well sounds like the two of you will have a lot to talk about. Justin got his stuff from PIFA today as well. Come on in.” 

“Cool! Hey Jus! I got my stuff from CM, let’s compare!” Daphne said as she entered the house and headed towards the kitchen. 

“Hi Daph!” Justin stood and hugged her. 

“Hey Jus! Isn’t this so exciting! I can’t believe that it is coming up so fast! I mean, we will be going to college in just a few short months! Isn’t it great?!” Daphne was acting like a puppy on speed! 

“Slow down Daph!” Justin chuckled. He couldn’t help but be infected with her enthusiasm.

“Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I’m excited too, but I’m just a bit more uncertain than you are. So much impacts what I’ll be able to do now.” Justin told her, waving his weakened hand at her. 

“Oh, get over yourself, Taylor! You are going to be mister fabulous artiste! And I am going to be a renowned Psychologist! We will be marvelous together!” She refused to let him wallow. 

“If you say so.”

“I do! So let’s look at what each of us is going to be doing in the next few years.”

Daphne sat down at the table and began to spread her packets of information all around her. Justin glanced up at his mother, who was smiling at the two teens. She was glad that Justin had Daphne in his life. She would give him a swift kick in the ass when he needed it, and would be a strong shoulder to cry on just as easily. Yes both of them would be marvelous together. 

Justin decided it would be best just to go along with her. Daphne was unstoppable in this mode of excitement. It would be a futile fight. So he gathered up his information, sat across from her and began to read what his future could entail. 

\---~^~---

Several hours later Daphne had successfully planned out the next four years of her life. She was double majoring in Biology and Psychology and was going to pursue a minor in humanities. Justin didn’t know how she was going to have time for eating and sleeping, let alone do all the other activities that she wanted to do. She had regaled him on all the clubs, organizations, and seminars that she just HAD to take part in. She made him exhausted just thinking about it. 

Justin on the other hand did know what the next year would entail, but beyond that…the big question mark! PIFA had what is called ‘The First Year Program’ that all incoming students participated in. It was an intense, interdisciplinary studio concentration that emphasized simultaneous development of technical skills and conceptual thinking. 

He would have classes every day but would be done by 4:00 pm. Monday and Tuesday he had Core Studio Practice from nine to four. This involved working in groups with other students and four faculty members to share lectures, presentations and collective activities. Then on Wednesday, he had Survey of Ancient to Modern Art and Architecture from one to four. Thursday was Essay Writing from nine until noon and Friday was Research Studio I from nine to four. 

Justin was most excited about Research Studio. Students got to explore methods of investigating historical, cultural, political and social contexts surrounding a project. They would learn to use research to generate ideas, to connect form to content, and to realize projects. He felt that this course would provide him with some insight into things he could do with his art, besides just selling it. How he could use it to make a statement, or sell something. Yes, he was thinking of Brian again. 

When Justin had initially requested information from PIFA, he inquired about possible programs in advertising and marketing communications as well as the traditional arts. They did offer a degree in these areas, and unbeknownst to his family and friends he too would be getting a double major. The advertising and marketing courses would not begin until his sophomore year, so he had a year to get himself in shape before he would need to be ready to take on a heavier load. He wanted to surprise Brian. One of the big perks of the additional program was the internship that was required. Students had to apply for positions at various businesses throughout Pittsburgh to gain real life experience as part of their degree candidacy. Ryder, the company Brian worked for, was on the list. Justin knew he would apply at other agencies as well, but he would have loved to work with Brian. 

Justin was always fascinated and intrigued by Brian when he would work on an ad campaign. The way his mind worked and how he could manipulate the mind of society to agree with his ideas was amazing. Justin wanted to share that, learn from it, and maybe even contribute to it. Justin believed that one purpose of art was to sell how you, the artist, viewed an object, feeling, or idea. It wasn’t all that different. People may not buy your product, but you would at least make them consider it. 

Justin was brought out of his musings by his mother’s voice. “Daphne would you like to stay for dinner. I have plenty.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Taylor that would be great!” 

“Justin could you clear off the table and help set it please.” 

“Yeah, sure Mom.” 

While Justin was clearing the table, Daphne went in and collected the plates and silverware from the kitchen. 

“Hey Jus? Have you thought about housing at all?” 

“Not really. I just figured I’d live at home. I had hoped to be living with…” Justin trailed off. 

“Don’t give up hope Justin. Brian has to come home sometime. He still has family here. If anything he will come back for Gus, you know that.” 

“I keep trying to tell myself that, but I miss him so much and I’m so worried about him. He’s out there somewhere, and he thinks I’m dead. You know how Brian is, what if something happens to him?” Justin began to shake, allowing his panic to set in. He dropped the plate that Daphne had been giving to him on the floor, shattering it into small pieces. 

“Shit! Fuck!” 

“Justin! Are you all right?” Jennifer came rushing in. 

“He dropped the plate. I’m afraid I upset him. I asked about housing and…”

“It wasn’t your fault Daphne. I just…I can’t control my emotions when it comes to thinking about Brian.” Justin quickly interjected before Daphne blamed herself. 

“I’ll go get the broom and dust pan.” Daphne said, hoping that Jen could calm him down. She mentally kicked herself in the ass. She shouldn’t have said anything.

“I’m okay mom. I just wish he was here. I wish that stupid nurse hadn’t gotten things all mixed up. Sometimes, I think…I wonder…what is he doing? Is he all right? Then I get mad at him for leaving his family, Gus. They need him! I need him!” Justin began to cry quietly. Jennifer pulled him into her breast and let him have the release he needed. It was times like these that she understood that Justin’s emotions just got so mixed up and overwhelmed him. Once he calmed down, he would be able to regroup and put things in perspective. This was just one of the side effects that came with his injuries. 

Jen looked up and saw Daphne standing in the doorway with silent tears scarring her soft complexion. She gave an encouraging smile and motioned the girl forward. Justin, sensing his mother’s movements looked up and saw how upset his friend was. He loosened his embrace and welcomed her into the fold of the comfort that his mother was providing. 

\---~^~---

Twenty minutes later, Justin, Daphne, Molly, and Jen were sitting around the table enjoying a relatively silent meal. Jen was questioning Molly about the movie that she and Teresa had gone to see that afternoon. Their chatter was allowing Justin to regain his equilibrium. Under the table Justin reached over and squeezed his friend’s knee to get her attention. She had barely looked at him since his little melt down, and he wanted to reassure her that he was okay. Daphne glanced up, and saw the little puppy dog pout that Justin was making in an effort to make her smile. She silently acquiesced grinning at him while crossing her eyes to look just as silly. 

“Justin, I was wondering; how would you and Daphne like to share an apartment together while you both go to school?”

Justin and Daphne both swiveled their heads simultaneously toward the older woman. “Mom, are you serious? I thought for sure you would want me to stay at home.” 

“Well it’s not like I wouldn’t be able to find you; and I’d expect to have a key, but, yeah I thought you might enjoy the freedom of your own place.” 

“Wow! I’m not really sure. I haven’t given it any thought.” Justin answered. 

“What about you Daphne?” Jen asked. 

“My folks said it was my decision. I could either live on campus, or at home. I hadn’t really thought about an apartment, but I guess it’s another option. 

“The reason I’m asking is because, today I had a new client come in, Mr. Ingersoll. He is part of the development team who is working on refurbishing the downtown areas. He and his associates have just completed their first building and have some apartments available. They are between PIFA and Liberty Avenue, close to the Kaufmanns building. The lower two floors are retail and office space, but the upper five floors are all apartments. I know the location is optimal for you Justin, but would it be too far out of the way for you Daphne?” 

“I don’t think it would be too bad. If they are close to Kaufmanns I can just get on Forbes Ave. and it’s a pretty straight shot to CM. And since my parents got me a car for graduation, I don’t mind driving a little.” Daphne answered getting excited about the prospect of having an apartment, and a new one at that. 

“What would the rent be? Cost might be an issue.” Daphne stated.

“Well this is where I need to get Justin’s input. I thought that you might consider buying the apartment with some of the settlement money. Mr. Ingersoll said that he would give you a reduced price on the overall sale value since you would be able to pay for it outright.” Jennifer looked at Justin with a touch of hesitancy. She didn’t want him to think that she was trying to make the decision for him. 

“Are you sure mom? I mean that’s a lot of money.” 

“It would be a great investment. With the new Downtown Living Initiative there are likely to be a lot of people looking to buy into the area; retail and businesses as well as personal residents. As the area grows and restoration continues I think it will be a real hot bed of activity. So in the future you could really benefit from it. You could either rent the apartment out or sell it and see a huge return on your investment.” Jennifer was using some of her realtor jargon in order to at least entice Justin to look at the place.

Justin was silent for a moment. Everything that his mother was telling him sounded reasonable and he really would like the opportunity to be somewhat on his own, more independent. It wouldn’t hurt to at least look at the place. He could tell that Daphne was getting more excited by the minute at the possibilities. He didn’t really want to charge her rent. Maybe just have her kick in a little extra on utilities and such. He knew that she would not accept a free ride; they were very much alike in that respect. 

“How much is the asking price?” 

“He is willing to sell it to you for $275,000 which is an absolute steal. I predict in three to four years the space will be worth at least three times that much!” Jennifer answered her son, getting excited herself.

“All right. Do you think we could go and see it tomorrow? You aren’t doing anything say around lunch time, are you Daph?” 

“No that would be great! I’m free all day!” 

“Well, why don’t you meet us here, Daphne, around eleven o’clock, and then we’ll drive over to the apartment and check it out, then have a late lunch.” Jennifer suggested. 

“Can I come too, mom?” Molly asked. The others at the table had forgotten she was there. 

“Sure Molly, I don’t see why not? Is that okay with the two of you?” 

“Yeah.” Justin and Daphne said at the same time. 

“Cool! Mom, may I be excused? I want to go call Teresa.” 

“Yes Molly you can go call Teresa, but rinse your dishes first.” Jennifer said to her youngest. 

Daphne and Jennifer cleared the rest of the table, while Justin put the leftovers in containers. 

“I better be getting home. I need to inform my parents about this new development. Jus, what should I tell them about rent?” 

“Well, I wasn’t really going to charge you rent since I’ll be making a good investment by buying the place. As long as you chip in for your part of the utilities and such, I think that would be fair.” 

“Oh Yes! My parents will definitely like that!!” Daphne grabbed her packet from CM and her purse, yelled bye to Molly from the bottom of the stairs and gave Jen a hug. “Jus, walk a lady to her car?” 

“What lady? I don’t see any lady, well except for my mom.” Justin smirked sarcastically. 

“You, sir, are no gentleman, but I am a lady so I will graciously forgive your snide comment. Now come on! Walk me to my car! You little shit!” Daphne slid her arm into Justin’s and dragged him out the door. 

\---~^~---

The next day saw the Taylor clan plus one driving into downtown Pittsburgh. Jennifer had made arrangements for Neil Ingersoll to meet them outside the renovated building shortly before eleven o’clock. Turning onto Fifth Street, Jennifer brought her Taurus to a stop at the parking meter just down the street from the entrance. 

Justin was impressed with the architectural integrity that the builders had obviously tried to maintain on the old structure, but he could see some of the modern touches in the lines of the new windows and entrances. He glanced around taking in some of the shops that were either already open or going to be open soon. Of course there was a Starbucks on the corner; was there a corner in the country that didn’t have one? There was also a deli, and what looked to be a Chinese restaurant as well. There was a drug store across the street and a dry cleaner. His eyes were drawn to a bright sign in the window of a space that obviously wasn’t open yet, but looked like it would be soon. Michelangelo’s Ceiling: Art supplies; how lucky could he get? 

“This is so cool Justin! It’s amazing down here. I never realized that they were doing all this. Such is the life of a suburban teenager.” Daphne said, while smiling at Justin. 

“Are you going to live here Justin?” Molly asked, absorbing energy from Daphne’s excitement.

“I might; I need to see the apartment first. Besides, Mr. Ingersoll might see us and decide that he doesn’t want two teenagers living here.” Justin replied. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Justin, he’ll love us! Everyone does!” Daphne just couldn’t contain herself; she so wanted to live down there.

Justin continued to survey his surroundings while Daphne and Molly bounced around. He focused on his mother as he watched her approach with a good-looking man whom he assumed was the builder. 

“Justin, this is Neil Ingersoll. Neil, this is my son, Justin, and this is Daphne Chanders, and my daughter Molly.” Jennifer introduced. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Justin. Your mother speaks very highly of you.” Neil extended his hand in greeting. 

“It’s good to meet you too, and mom tends to exaggerate.” Justin said, accepting the other man’s hand. 

“Mine does too, I think it’s in their genes.” Neil said in return to Justin’s comment. 

Justin smiled; he liked the easiness that Mr. Ingersoll had about him. He would say that he was around his father’s age, maybe slightly younger. He had brown hair and a casual-rugged look about his features. He was dressed in jeans and a button down shirt. The leather satchel tossed over his shoulder was worn and showed signs of lots of work. 

“So Justin, did your mom exaggerate about you being interested in one of the apartments?” 

“No, Mr. Ingersoll, she didn’t. I am interested. I would be sharing it with my friend Daphne. We are both starting college this fall. I’m attending PIFA and she will be going to Carnegie Mellon.” 

“Your mother said you were an artist. PIFA is a huge accomplishment, congratulations. One of my business associates graduated from there. I think I will show you the apartment on the top floor. It is in the northwest corner and I think you will really like it.” 

Neil directed everyone to the central entrance of the building and opened the door. “This entrance is being fitted with a secured entry lock so that only people who live in the building will have access. Each resident will be given an individual security code indicating that they have entered the building. This is tracked via an area security company that we chose after much research. The company will also install a security system to individual apartments if you so choose. Also the building is equipped with underground parking that is gated and requires the use of your security code to gain access. The elevator is located at the back of this entryway, and goes down to the parking levels as well as the upper floors.” 

“I was going to ask about parking. It’s awesome that it is within the building premises. My father will be happy about that. He’s worried about his ‘baby girl’” Daphne said. 

“We took special pains to make sure that our residents would feel safe. We were hoping to attract today’s up and coming professionals, many of which are single females, so safety was a key component.” Neil responded. 

They all entered the elevator and rode to the seventh floor. The elevator exited into a lobby that had four smaller alcoves off of it. Everyone exited and followed Neil toward the unit he wanted to show them. 

“Here we are suite 710.” Neil took out the keys and opened the main entry. He stood to the side and let Justin and Daphne enter first followed by Jennifer and Molly. He stayed in the shadows a bit and just let them look around for themselves. Neil believed that the space would speak for itself. 

As Justin entered the main door he was greeted with a vast amount of sunlight that poured in through the floor to ceiling windows that made up the exterior walls of the main living space. There was a small powder room and the laundry room on one side of the hallway, along with the entrance to one of the bedrooms and the entrance to the master bedroom was on the opposite side. The living space was sunken off of the upper elevation which housed the bedrooms. It was an open concept that could be visually divided into three distinct areas; the kitchen, dining area and living room. The living room was expansive enough to handle some possible computer workstations for both him and Daphne. 

The kitchen had all the modern amenities; stainless steel appliances including refrigerator, double cook stove, and dishwasher. It also had an island in the center and a staggered bar top for causal dining. The kitchen was distinguished from the dining area by the flagstone-like tile that was on the floor. The rest of the apartment had bamboo hard wood flooring. 

There was a balcony off of the living room that looked out over the surrounding area. Turning around, Justin faced Daphne and his mother and sister who had stopped and just watched him as he looked around his new home. Jennifer was sure that Justin would soon be living here. It was just the type of space that she could see her son spending his college years in. 

“Justin why don’t you go check out the master bedroom?” Jennifer suggested

Neil finally decided to enter in some of his opinions at this point. “Justin, I really hope that you will like the master bedroom. I picked this particular apartment for you because of the features within the suite.” 

Justin was intrigued now. “Lead the way.” Justin said. He followed Neil back toward the main door and veered to the left into the master entryway. Off of the entryway to the right was the master bath and to the left the master walk in closet. Justin was drawn into the bathroom buy the three skylights in the ceiling. There was a large shower built for two and a large-elevated Jacuzzi tub that had a small set of stairs that connected the tub to the shower. Dual sinks were situated across from the tub and an enclosed toilet rounded out the room. 

Exiting the bathroom, Justin stepped down into the main area of the master suite. It was a large space that had a built-in unit along one wall that could house electronics, books or other things. The next things that Justin noticed were two sets of French doors leading out onto an enclosed sunroom. Like the living room it had floor to ceiling windows on the two outer walls and skylights in the ceiling. It was a large space 19x8 feet. Justin could just imagine setting up a studio out here. He could lose himself in his art and close out the world around him, while all the time being able to watch life as it happened in real time through the panes of glass. 

“It’s absolutely incredible! Thank you so much Neil! It’s perfect.” Justin gushed. Not wanting to leave his mother out; Justin ran to her and gave her a hug, thanking her profusely for knowing what he needed.

“I knew you’d like it! And Miss Daphne don’t you fret, although your room is not as big, it also has a balcony and a Jacuzzi tub.” 

Upon hearing that, Daphne turned tail and ran to the other room to check out the space and plan out how she was going to decorate. She knew that she and Justin would be moving in soon. 

“Daphne, wait for me!” Molly yelled hot on the heels of her brother’s friend. 

 

\---~^~^~^~---

 

Jackson Hole, WY ~ The Sassy Moose

Brian stood in the driveway of the Sassy Moose and waved to Ken as he backed up and headed back into town. He had just dropped off the final paperwork on the Hammermill Cottage. Brian was very impressed at how Ken had handled all of Brian’s bizarre requests as far as banking information and such. He only allowed Ken to get information from Brian directly or through his credit report. He didn’t want anyone in Pittsburgh contacted. He wasn’t ready for that yet. His talk with Jesse and Tyler almost two weeks ago had helped to release some of the demons that he had inside, but he still harbored fears regarding those whom he had left behind. No he didn’t need anyone in the Pitts finding him right now. 

Brian planned on going over to the cottage the next day to inspect everything and just brainstorm about things he might want to do with the place. Ken and the county inspector had gone over the specs with a fine tooth comb, so he knew the structural aspects, water and electrical were all up to code. The repairs that were needed were mostly cosmetic. The appliances needed to be updated and Brian wanted to replace the furnace, but otherwise, he could take his time making it his own. 

He had to chuckle at himself; he couldn’t believe that he had been that spontaneous and bought this cottage out here in the woods! Michael would go off the deep end; it was so out of character for him, hell all of his friends would think he had completely lost it. But despite the humor of thinking how his friends would react, Brian was happy with his purchase. He still hadn’t quite figured out where this side of himself was coming from, but welcomed it none-the-less. 

Since their trip to the grizzly and wolf center, TJ had become almost a permanent attachment to Brian’s side. They had gone fishing with Tyler and hiking with Jesse, but Brian had had the most fun teaching the young boy to swim. Brian had always loved the water; it had given him a sense of freedom as a young child. He could escape within the blue depths and forget the harsh land above. Justin’s blue eyes had been the same color of the beautiful water he used to glide through. That was probably why it was so easy to get lost in them. Justin had given him that same sense of freedom; he had just failed to recognize it. 

TJ had taken to the water very easily and was already trying to race Brian across the small lake close to the inn. Of course Brian let him win, even though TJ had to take about ten strokes to every one of Brian’s. TJ was now determined that he was going to be a Merman when he grew up and rule all the fish in the lake. The older men of the house let him have his fantasy; fantasies tended to vanished too quickly. Tyler had told Brian over breakfast that he was going to suggest to TJ’s parents that they enroll him in swimming lessons when they got him home. 

Just as Brian was about to go back inside, Jesse, Tyler, and TJ pulled up in the Jeep. They had driven across town to get TJ a birthday present. His birthday was actually on Saturday of the following weekend, but this particular present couldn’t wait. When TJ saw Brian he stuck his head out the window yelling for him. 

“Brian! Brian! Come and see my present!” 

“I’m coming little man.” Brian said as his bare feet strode over the asphalt. 

Reaching the side of the Jeep, Brian peered through the window and saw what had TJ so excited. Curled up on a soft fleece blanket was a small Siberian husky puppy. TJ roused the puppy and when it opened its eyes, Brian saw that he had one blue eye and one brown eye. The dog’s coloring was black, gray and white and he noticed that it already had a bright blue collar on which was attached to a leash that TJ held onto tightly. 

“Well it seems like someone has a new friend.” Brian said. 

“Yes, I do. His name is King Triton.” TJ replied. They had been watching the Little Mermaid a lot! “I got to pick him out all by myself! Isn’t he great?!” 

“He most certainly is. It is a big responsibility to have such a great and loyal friend; are you up to the challenge?” Brian asked with all seriousness. 

“Yes, yes I am. Grandpa Jesse said I had to take care of him, because he was just a baby and since he was going to live with me instead of his mommy, I had to be extra good with him. So we went and got a collar and a nametag for him that has my phone number just in case. We also got this leash so he won’t run away, and food, and bowls. I’m going to walk and run with him everyday and keep him brushed too.” 

“It sounds like you are going to be a perfect friend for him.” 

“Come on Triton! Let’s go run in the grass. The small pup jumped down and chased behind his little master and tried to bite on the leash as if to lead himself around. 

Brian reached behind the seat and grabbed the bag of puppy chow and what appeared to be a bag of dog toys. Tyler was busy taking pictures of TJ with Triton, so Jesse collected the rest of the bags and walked with Brian inside. 

“He has been bugging us for a dog, ever since he first saw Hayden at the wolf center. We figured he was old enough so now we have a King living in the Sassy Moose.” Jesse said. 

“I wish I had had a pet growing up. My parents just weren’t the pet type.” Brian said with disdain. 

“Maybe you can get one for Gus when he is older and you can experience having a pet through his eyes.” Jesse commented. 

“Yeah, I guess I could do that. I’m sure Gus would love it; the munchers on the other hand might take some convincing.” 

“We called and talked to Michelle and her husband before we took this little outing to make sure they were okay with it first, but they finally relented. I think TJ was driving them crazy about it too. This way they didn’t have to find the dog, they just have to help take care of it.” 

“When are they coming down to pick him up?” 

“They’ll be here Friday night, stay for the weekend, and then head home. I’ll miss him when they leave.” Jesse sighed and continued to put the few groceries away. 

“Yeah, it will be quiet. I might actually get to sleep in.” Brian laughed and Jesse joined in. 

\---~^~---

Brian retired early that evening, needing to think about his next move. He had learned a great deal about himself during his stay; the biggest being he didn’t need to be the “Stud of Liberty Avenue.” anymore. There was more to him than that. He could get along well with people without putting up a false front. He found that he really enjoyed photography, and was quite good at it. He had always felt it was required that he “hit the gym” to keep up his outstanding looks, so he could apprehend that next trick; but his runs in the mountain air and swimming with TJ made him realize that exercise just made him feel good. 

Brian’s interactions with TJ also allowed him to accept that he could be the father that Justin always said he could be. He wasn’t like Jack, and wouldn’t become like Jack either. Surprisingly he had been patient with almost all of TJ’s questions, and enjoyed seeing how the boy learned new things. It was like being able to relive his childhood without all the bad parts. He could only imagine how much more rewarding it would feel to do all those things with Gus. The only problem being, he wasn’t sure he could go back yet. And what about the things he had missed already? He couldn’t get those back. If he was honest with himself he was just plain scared to go back. 

So if he wasn’t ready, where would he go next? 

\---~^~---

_“I won’t. I won’t think of you. When I walk out that door I don’t plan on ever looking back…” I see him turn to look back at me… “JUSTIN!”_

“JUSTIN!” Brian shot up trembling. He began to rock back and forth trying to regain some sense of calm. What had he done? Why did he push Justin away? He should have been pulling the blonde tightly too him! Damn his insecurities and false sense of self. Why? 

“Brian? Are you all right?” Jesse knocked cautiously on the door to Brian’s room. He and Tyler had been awoken by the bone-chilling scream. “Can I come in?” 

Answering just barely enough to be heard, “Yes.” 

Jesse was startled when he took in the apparition that blankly stared back at him from the bed. He couldn’t tell if Brian was still dreaming or if he was awake. “Brian?” 

“I’m…okay…Jesse. Just too many memories bombarding through my head. If I’d just…” 

“Don’t Brian; it won’t make it any easier blaming yourself.” 

“But I pushed him away so many times, Jesse. And then the one time I try to pull him to me, he’s…Why? Why Justin?” Brian looked helplessly into Jesse’s eyes hoping against hope that he could give him some kind of answer. 

“I wish I could tell you why, Brian, I really do. But I just don’t know. But I do know, that if Justin loved you the way you say he did; do you honestly think he would want you to blame yourself?” 

“I know for a fact he wouldn’t, but I’m not Justin. I’m a self-centered asshole who doesn’t care for anyone but…” 

“Stop! Stop right there! You are not! And I will not let you sit here and say you are. You have been so wonderful with TJ, and you have taken time to get to know Tyler and myself. I know that I can’t begin to know everything about you, but someone like you described wouldn’t even be here right now.” 

Brian looked at Jesse with a question in his eyes. 

“You would have still been in Pittsburgh. Going about your normal everyday activities. Instead, you’re a thousand miles away from home, away from all that is familiar, beating yourself up over something you had no control over.” 

“Don’t you mean being a coward? I couldn’t even stay for his funeral. I couldn’t face his mother, my friends, knowing that they all probably blame me for this ever happening.” 

“If they blame you then they are not truly your friends.” 

“But they are; they’ve been there for me through so much.” 

“Then why are you here? Seeking solace from strangers?” 

“I don’t know?”

Tyler interrupted the conversation bringing Brian some tea with honey, hoping it would relax him. 

“Thank you, Tyler.” Brian said accepting the offered cup. 

Tyler sat down next to Jesse and wondered if he should offer his opinion. 

“Brian I don’t usually like to make assumptions, but I think you’re here because you are ready to make some changes and you’re afraid that your friends won’t be able to accept them. From what we’ve talked about, you are the alpha in your little band of friends. They expect certain things from you and when you deviate from them, they get lost, question the things they do. Justin was the only one who didn’t do that. He didn’t have any preconceived impressions of you; he saw what you allowed him to see. His perception of you began the first night you were together. You told us that he left an indelible mark on you that first night, I’m sure you did the same for him. Now that Justin is gone I think you might be doubting the changes you were willing to make for him.” 

Brian sat in silence taking in what Tyler had just said. Tyler was right he was scared that his friends wouldn’t accept who he wanted to become and even make fun of him for trying. If he still had Justin he could justify his actions, but without him…

Tyler interrupted his thoughts. “Brian I’m going to suggest the one thing that you probably don’t want to hear, but you have to decide what it is you want for yourself. You need to take Justin out of the equation. What kind of man does Brian Kinney want to be?” 

“I thought I was discovering who I could be with Justin. I think I mentioned that after I didn’t get the job in New York, that I really sat back and started to think about where my life was going and were it was likely to go if I kept doing the things I had always done; what I came up with wasn’t pretty.”   
Jesse and Tyler both nodded silently, realizing the Brian was talking to them, but also trying to rationalize his thoughts. 

“I really started to think about the possibilities that Justin had to offer. Yes he was young, and had moments when he acted less than his age, but those times were outweighed by the times of comfort and wisdom that he offered. Justin was so intelligent, strong, and talented. He had dreams and goals for himself. Did I tell you about the time I actually saved him from himself?” 

“No I don’t think you did.” Jesse answered. 

“Justin was an exceptionally talented artist. When he found out that his parents were getting a divorce, he felt guilty and was going to give up his dreams of Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts to go to Dartmouth where his father wanted him to go. The same father that had kicked him out and tried to kill me. I knew I couldn’t let him do that. I found him at Babylon one night….

_“To Dartmouth and your bright shining future as Andrew Carnegie.”_

_“I’ll drink to that.”_

_“Only, I thought you were going to be the next Andy Warhol.”_

_“I changed my mind.”_

_“And after all the trouble I went through to make you the best homosexual I could. I can’t believe you’d blow it and with the flimsiest excuse…I’ve caused my parents enough pain; how can you even stand there and look me in the eye?”_

_“It’s true.”_

_“It’s BULLSHIT! They caused their own pain just like everybody else, and now you’re going to give up everything you want just to make them happy…That. Is. Totally. FUCKED!”_

_“Shut up Brian! You don’t know anything.”_

_“I know its scarier finding your own way then doing what’s expected of you.”_

_“I’m not scared.”_

_“You’re fucking terrified…just like the night you met me…I was sure you’d run back home, but you didn’t…you said ‘I’m going with him…”_

Something clicked in Brian’s mind as he re-lived that time in Babylon. It is scarier finding your own way. Brian was running away from his fears; using Justin’s death as his excuse. 

“Brian? Are you okay?” Tyler questioned reaching out to gently touch Brian on the shoulder. 

“Yeah. I just realized I need to take my own advice. I do need to figure out what it is I want to do. Maybe if I do that, I can move on and still look back.” 

“We are here if you need us.” Jesse said.

“Thank you both so much. I have some thinking to do. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Brian it is morning. It’s almost 5 am.” 

“Oh, well I guess I’ll see you later then.” Brian chuckled. 

“Okay. Try and get some rest too. We’ve still got TJ for a few days, and he’s going to want to spend time with you.” 

“I will.” Brian said as Jesse and Tyler retreated to their room. Once back in the confines of their bed, they embraced tightly, thankful that they had each other.

* * *

Authors Note: The program of study that is described for Justin is based on an undergraduate program from the Art Institute of Chicago. I have used some of their descriptions that were obtained from their web site: www.artic.edu no infringement was intended. It is strictly used for the detail of the story. 

For those of you who would like to see the floor plan for Justin & Daphne’s apartment it can be found at the following link. Keep in mind I made some alterations to the original plan for the story, but you get the idea. www.lhermitageproperties.com/images/Le_club_loft.gif   
Also here is the link for the Hammermill “cottage” that Brian is buying: www.architecturaldesigns.com then search for plan number W3313SR.


	11. Again

  
Author's notes: **This chapter is dedicated to Mariana for her patience and persistence. Special thanks to my beta Gayle, and Cheryl and Teresa for being the greatest friends ever.  
** **  
** **Song lyrics: “Again” by Richard Marx from his album My Own Best Enemy, 2004  
**  


* * *

The Sassy Moose, Jackson Hole, WY ~ One week later  


Brian had spent the last couple of days thinking about what it was he truly wanted for himself. It was a difficult task keeping Justin out of his mind, but he persevered. He realized that if he was happy with the outcome, then Justin, wherever he was, would be proud of him. 

  


He had come up with three things that were of utmost importance to him: Gus, his job, and his friends and family. Unfortunately, he was afraid that he may have burned some bridges with his friends and family and by extension Gus. So he decided to focus on the one area where he had complete control, his job. He didn’t want to go back to Ryder. He felt stifled and held back working for a company that didn’t have the same creative vision that he did. The one person, who he regretted leaving there, was Cynthia. Maybe if he established himself again, he could make it up to her. 

  


Brian’s only obstacle now was deciding where to go. He had spent an entire evening, sitting on the porch swing at the cottage, reviewing all of the companies he knew, as well as individuals he thought he could work for. It was approaching dusk when Brian remembered the one person in college who had really given him a run for his money, John Wheeler. John was originally from Boston, born of a wealthy family, and Brian instantly hated him. Surprisingly enough though, not because he had money, no, because he had a brain. Brian and John were always neck and neck at the top of their classes. It wasn’t until junior year, when they were paired up to work on an actual campaign, that things clicked. They complemented each other so well; where Brian was weak John was strong and vice versa. After three years of heated competition, the two young men had formed a very tight friendship. 

  


The last Brian had heard, his friend was starting up his own company in Seattle. Thinking back to their last conversation, standing next to Brian’s car, just as they were both about to go their separate ways…

  


_“Let’s make a deal. Whichever one of us makes it first and starts our own company, we will let the other know, and form a partnership. No one could compete with us as a team,” John had said._

_  
_ _“All right, you’re on. I’ll call you as soon as I set up shop.” Brian replied arrogantly.  
_ _  
_ _“Eat my dust, Kinney. I’ll call you!” John laughed in reply.  
_ _  
_

Brian smiled to himself. He would be making the call, but not because he set up shop first.

  


\---~^~---

  


After sleeping on his decision, and feeling secure in it, he went down to breakfast with TJ, Tyler and Jesse. 

  


“Good morning,” Brian said entering the kitchen. 

  


“Hi Brian! Do you want to play with me and Triton after we eat?” 

  


“Well, I have a phone call to make after I finish, but when I’m done, I’ll come and find you. How’s that?” 

  


“Okay,” TJ said, turning back to his blueberry pancakes, dripping in butter and syrup. 

  


“I take it you’ve made some decisions?” Tyler questioned. 

  


“A few. I’m going to call an old college friend of mine. He has a company in Seattle, I’m going to call him on an old deal we made long ago.” Brian replied. 

  


“Oh, I thought you might be heading back to Pittsburgh.” 

  


“Not yet. I just need to try to establish something stable. Once I’ve accomplished that, then I’ll see.” 

  


It wasn’t the best response, and Brian knew it, but to his relief, neither Tyler nor Jesse pushed. 

  


“Well, seems you’ll be continuing on your journey west. What will you do with the cottage?” Tyler asked.

  


“I’d like to talk to you about that later. I’ve spent some time over there these last few days and I’d like your expert opinion as an architect. I also may have a job for you, if you’d accept,” Brian said. 

  


“Well, why don’t we talk about it this afternoon then.” 

  


“Okay. I’d say after my call but I have a date, with a boy and his dog.” Brian replied with a smile. 

  


“Yes, we wouldn’t dare interrupt that!” 

  


Grabbing his coffee and bowl of fruit, Brian excused himself and headed back to his room. He needed to call information and get John’s phone number and begin this new segment of his life’s odyssey. 

  


\--~^~^~^~---

  


Seattle, Washington

  


John Wheeler strolled down the hall of his new office, looking out at the Seattle skyline. Six months ago he finally said, “see ya” to the stifling, stuffed shirts he had been employed with and started his own agency. Zenith Advertising had just landed its fourth multimillion-dollar account and John was on cloud nine. 

  


“Mr. Wheeler, you had a phone call from a Mr. Kinney while you were in your meeting. He asked that you call him back at this number when you were able.” Kristine, John’s assistant handed him the message as he entered the room.

  


“Did he say what he wanted Kristine?” John asked.

  


“No, just that he’d like you to call.” 

  


“Thanks. Now it’s almost the end of the day, get out of here and enjoy your weekend.” John smiled at Kristine and entered his office. John really appreciated Kristine and all the extra work she put in. She had been his assistant at his old company and she gladly came with him when he branched out on his own. John suspected he was beginning to have stronger feelings for her, but he wasn’t sure how to approach her about it. That was something he would just have to deal with later. Right now he was curious as a cat as to what his old college friend was calling for? 

  


John took a comfortable seat behind his large mahogany desk and looked at the phone number Kristine had written down; it wasn’t the number that he was familiar with. Picking up his phone he dialed and listened to the ringing on the other end. 

  


“Hey, Wheels,” Brian answered on the third ring knowing it was his old friend. 

  


“How did you know it was me?” John replied.

  


“You’re the only one who has this number, that’s why. How are you doing?”

  


“I’m well; enjoying working for myself,” John not so subtly added.

  


“Yeah, yeah, I heard about you venturing out. Congratulations by the way.” Brain answered. 

  


“You were never one for small talk, Brian, what’s up?” 

  


Brian should have remembered that John wouldn’t let him drag this out. “I was wondering if you might still be interested in teaming up.”

  


“Definitely, but I had heard that you were poised for partner at Ryder. Why would you want to move across country to work with me, Brian?” John was ecstatic that Brian wanted to work with him, but Brian had always wanted to stay in Pittsburgh, unless New York City came knocking.

  


“John, you said it yourself; nobody could stand up against us if we ever teamed up, and I find myself in a position to make some changes. So what do you say?”

  


“Brian, I’d be insane to turn you down. So yes, I’d love to have you working with me. We would have a lot to discuss and set up. When do you think you could come out here?”

  


“I’m sure I could be there in a couple of days. I’d need directions to your office.” 

  


“I can pick you up at the airport Brian.” John said. 

  


“I won’t be flying. I’m actually in Jackson Hole right now. I’ve been sorting some things out. It’s a long story and I’ll explain everything when I get there, it’s not something I can talk about over the phone. So about those directions,” Brian stated needing to keep his emotions in check. 

  


“Sounds serious, are you sure you’re okay?” John was concerned about his friend. Brian was always so careful to keep his feelings hidden, but John had sensed something in the tone of Brian’s voice. 

  


“Honestly John, I’ve been better, but I’ll tell you about it when I get there.” 

  


“Okay, Brian.” John knew to just wait until Brian arrived in Seattle. 

  


The two friends chatted for a couple more minutes, and Brian got directions to John’s office. When the call ended, Brian was drained, and couldn’t imagine how he would feel when he actually had to tell John what was going on. He had been able to open up to Tyler and Jesse because they didn’t know him or his reputation. But John had been there when he was establishing it, and had seen him in complete predator mode. Would he be able to tell John that he had fallen in love with a 17 year old kid and then lost him the same night he admitted it to himself? He didn’t know, but he had about one thousand miles to figure it out.

  


\---~^~^~^~---

  


Pittsburgh, One week later

  


Justin and Daphne were gradually settling into their new place, and Justin had bought his new Jeep two days ago. He had just dropped Molly off at her swim team practice and was heading over to PIFA to meet with his advisor. Justin was nervous about his meeting. He didn’t know what to expect. He guessed that his advisor would know about his injuries, and he feared that that would put doubt in the schools opinion of his abilities. Daphne had offered to go with him for support, but he needed to do this himself. 

  


He pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine. Leaning his head back against the headrest, Justin took a deep breath to settle his nerves. “Get it together Taylor. You can do this.” Justin said to himself. He opened the door and climbed out. He retrieved his portfolio from the back seat and headed into the student services building. 

  


Justin approached the main desk and waited his turn. 

  


“Yes, can I help you?” the young man behind the counter asked. 

  


“I’m Justin Taylor; I have an appointment with Alexandra Venini.” 

  


“Yes, Ms. Venini will be with you in just a moment. You can take seat over there and she will call you.” 

  


“Thank you.” Justin left the counter and took a seat. Fortunately for Justin he didn’t have to wait long. 

  


\---~^~---

  


Alexandra Venini had been an advisor at PIFA for over thirty years. She had seen many talented and successful young men and women over the years. She looked over her most recent challenge. Justin Taylor, a freshman, who had already seen some life-changing events in his young life. It was not easy to live in Pittsburgh and not have heard about the young artist in the news. Alex, as she was called by her friends and family, had first taken note of Justin when he had some of his art featured at the GLC earlier in the year. She was impressed with his use of shading to indicate texture and the emotion he put into his art. When she saw his application come across her desk she was eager to have him as a student. 

  


Reading about his attack and injuries she was worried that his future would be ended. When she received his call for an appointment her confidence in the young man grew. His fall semester of classes would be challenging for him, just how challenging she didn’t know. 

  


“Ms. Venini, your 10:30 is here.” 

  


“Thanks Kerry.” 

  


Alex stood stretched her elegant frame and exited to meet Justin. 

  


Justin watched as a classic woman with flowing white hair and mesmerizing gray eyes came out from behind the counter. As she approached him, he realized that she must be his advisor. 

  


“Justin?” Alex asked although she knew that the young man from his pictures in the paper. 

  


“Yes. You must be Ms. Venini.” 

  


“Please, call me Alex. I’m not too big on formality.” She smiled easily hopefully conveying a sense of comfort and reassurance.

  


“Okay.” 

  


Alex sensed Justin’s nervousness and hoped that when she finished talking with him he would leave with more confidence. 

  


“Well, why don’t we head back to my office and see what your future has in store.” Alex led the way to her office followed closely by Justin. 

  


Justin was having a hard time believing he would have a future. He had been frustrated with his last couple of therapy sessions and his recent attempts at sketching were falling well short of his expectations. The consequences of his attack were rearing their ugly head and Justin wasn’t dealing with them very well. 

  


He entered Alex’s office and sat down in the chair in front of her desk. He fidgeted with the strap on his portfolio while Alex sorted through her files. Alex didn’t really need to find Justin’s file, it was right on top; she just wanted to observe him for a moment. She saw an uncertain young man who no doubt had very little confidence in his abilities. As his advisor, Alex was determined to help Justin become the artist that he had the potential to be. 

  


“Justin, I’m not one for subtlety so I’m just going to cut to the chase. I’ve read about your attack in the papers and I’ve seen the news stories, but the attack itself is of little concern to me.” 

  


Justin looked up in shock at the way Alex was making light of his injuries. 

  


“Now, don’t think I have no concern for your well-being, because I most certainly do! But, my biggest concern is how you are right now, not how you were. I am not naive enough to think that this experience has not changed you. You will never be as you were again. How you use your experience and the changes in yourself will help to shape the artist you will become.” Alex quickly clarified as she saw the defensive posture that Justin presented after her first comment. 

  


Justin was silent. He was angry at first, but as Alex continued, he realized that she was focusing on him, not on his attack or his injuries. She believed that he would become an artist. Even though others had tried to tell him that he would succeed, it wasn’t until he heard it from Alex, in her no nonsense way of expression that Justin felt at glimmer of hope surge through him. His friends and family tried to encourage him, but they were always so “nice” about it. Alex had a gruffness about her that was refreshing. He knew that she would push him and not let him give up. 

  


“So what I’d like to know is how you feel you are doing. What areas are you finding the most difficult? And what, if any concerns that you have for the upcoming fall semester.” Alex stated, breaking through Justin’s thoughts. 

  


Justin was hesitant at first. This was the first time he was actually expressing his fears about school openly with anyone. “Well, um, my therapy is going pretty well, but it is extremely frustrating because, what I’m able to do, and what I expect myself to do are two very different things. Marci, that’s my therapist, says that I’ve improved greatly since first starting, but I guess I’m just impatient, or maybe I’m being unrealistic, but I just can’t help wanting to be the same as I was before.” 

  


“Okay, let’s stop there. Why would you want to be the same as you were? Don’t you want to grow and see your talents evolve?” 

  


“Yes, of course, but how can I do that when I can barely hold a pencil steady for two minutes?” Justin questioned. 

  


“Well who says you have to only use pencils, or charcoals. There are so many media out there that you will discover. Media that I have no doubt you will master and develop into your very own style. Justin you are an artist, your creative abilities are not in the way you hold a pencil or the way you make a brush stroke on canvas. It is in your mind, heart, and soul; everything else is just a tool. Tools get broken and until they are fixed, you use others,” Alex said with a confident smile on her face. 

  


“I want to believe that, but so much of the first year entails working in groups, that I’m afraid of letting my peers and professors down. Who wants to have a gimp in their group?” 

  


“Well I can assure you if you keep thinking like that you will let people down. Justin, you are an intelligent young man, you have to know that people will make their judgments of you based on how you perceive yourself.” 

  


“Believe me I know all about people judging me! I have this gimp hand because of how some asshole judged me! I didn’t deserve this and I shouldn’t be judged because of it!” Justin let out in frustration. Alex was being so understanding, and then she seemed to turn on him. 

  


“That’s the fight I like to see. I challenged you and you fought for yourself. Continue fighting for yourself, and you will be just fine in your classes. Be open and honest with your professors. I’m sure that they have heard something about you, but like me they want you to show them what you are made of. As far as your classmates, you will have to decide how you want to handle them. I think honesty is the best, but only you can sense how someone is relating to you. Perhaps since you will have to broaden your vision in regards to media in the beginning, you can enhance the group efforts by bringing in an unusual perspective. I believe any group would be lucky to have your talents.” 

  


Justin sat silently contemplating what Alex had just done and said. It clicked in his head why he liked her approach, she was somewhat like Brian. She didn’t let him feel sorry for himself, and pointed out all that he still could do. She had brought out some insecurity that he knew he would have to work through, but he would “fight” them. 

  


Alex watched as Justin absorbed her comments and smiled when she saw a slight grin and gleam in his eyes. He was going to be just fine. It would be some rough waters to navigate in the start, but Justin would not be swallowed up by this storm. 

  


“Now, you will have preliminary meetings with all your professors during the first week, here is the schedule of times. You should look over your therapy schedule to see if there are any conflicts. If you need to change a meeting, please let me know as soon as possible. Also, here is your supply list as well as the required textbooks you will need. Here is my card. It has all my numbers and email addresses on it. If you need anything or want to set up a meeting with me just call or email. I’m usually always on campus, so if you feel like stopping by to shoot the breeze my doors are always open.” Alex wanted Justin to feel like he could come to her at any time for any reason. 

  


“Thank you, Alex. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I appreciate your candor and the way you put some things into perspective for me. I’ll probably be taking you up on that open door policy; you never know when I might need a friendly kick in the ass.” Justin said giving Alex one of his patented radiant smiles. He collected the items she had given him and his portfolio. As he turned to leave Alex made one last comment…

  


“I’ll be sure to bring in my shit kickers just for you!” She could hear Justin laughing as he went down the hall. 

  


\--~^~--

  


Justin arrived at therapy a few minutes late, and found Marci waiting for him in the lobby. 

  


“Sorry I’m late Marci, I was meeting with my advisor at PIFA,” Justin said grinning. 

  


“Wow, maybe you should meet with her before every session. You’ve got such a spring in your step and that smile!” Marci was so happy to see Justin this way. He usually got here early with little energy and very little personality. 

  


“I’m sorry I’ve been difficult to work with, Marci,” Justin felt bad for his conduct in the past. 

  


“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. This has not been easy on you. I don’t expect ‘Suzy Sunshine’ every session.” Marci draped her arm over his shoulder and gave him a hug. “Now, I’ve got a surprise for you! So let’s get moving! I want to ride in this new chariot of yours.” 

  


“Wait, where are we going? What about my session?” Justin wasn’t sure what was going on. 

  


“We are going to the Sydney Bloom Gallery for the new exhibit that just opened!” Marci replied. 

  


“Are you serious? I can’t believe that you were able to get invitations! I love Joseph Bernard’s work! How did you manage it?” Justin was so excited. 

  


“I have some connections,” Marci replied mysteriously. “So let’s get going.” 

  


Justin led Marci to his Jeep and opened her door for her. “Wow, there are still a few gentlemen left in the world,” she said while climbing into her seat. 

  


Justin ran around to the driver’s side and got in. He started the vehicle and they headed toward the gallery. They made small talk on the ride, Justin telling Marci some of the things he talked about with Alex. Marci was so happy that his advisor had infused such a positive spark in him. She was certain that after her surprise today, Justin would be well on his way. 

  


Justin pulled into a small parking lot in the rear of the gallery and turned off the engine. He exited and again ran around to open Marci’s door. “Why thank you kind sir.” Marci said in her most distinguished voice. Justin just smiled at her as they walked around to the entrance. 

  


Lindsay was arriving at the entrance at the same time as Justin and Marci. “Justin, it’s great to see you sweetheart. I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” 

  


“Hi Lindsay,” Justin said embracing his friend. “I didn’t know I was going to be here either. Marci brought me as a surprise. Marci, I’d like you to meet my friend Lindsay Peterson; Lindsay this is Marci O’Neil, my occupational therapist.” The two women greeted each other and shook hands. 

  


“It was very nice of you to bring Justin to the gallery. I got my invitation from a colleague who was unable to use it.” 

  


“Well, Marci claims to have connections,” Justin said, poking fun at Marci. 

  


“Let’s go inside shall we? I’ll introduce you to my ‘connection’.”

  


Justin entered the gallery with his friends and was awed by the vibrant art that surrounded him. Joseph Bernard was one of Justin’s biggest inspirations. His techniques, perceptions, and use of color had always mystified Justin, and up until the bashing he had tried to imitate him. 

  


Lindsay and Marci watched as Justin soaked up the inspiration surrounding him. “Lindsay, I’ll be right back,” Marci said. 

  


Lindsay nodded in response as she continued to watch Justin. Walking up alongside Justin, “Isn’t his use of color amazing?” Lindsay asked. 

  


“Yeah, I just don’t know how he does it,” Justin replied, remaining mesmerized on the piece in front of him. 

  


“Well, why don’t you ask him? Justin, I’d like you to meet my father, Joseph Bernard,” Marci said from behind Justin. 

  


Justin turned around with a complete look of surprise on his face. He couldn’t believe that he was actually face to face with the man whom he had admired for so long. He could remember the first time he saw one of Joseph Bernard’s works. He was eleven years old, on a field trip to the museum with the art club. He had wandered off to the modern art section and saw the painting “The Loneliest Hour”. The painting had completely engrossed Justin and it was there, sitting on the bench, staring at the painting that his teacher had found him almost an hour later. That night he had spent all of dinner discussing the painting with his parents. Of course his father had ignored most of what he said, but his mother listened to the enthusiasm and passion that was emanating from her son. She had gone out the next day and bought Justin a book of Bernard’s work as well as a new sketchbook and set of charcoals and pastels; Justin was thrilled with his gift. 

  


“Hello, Mr. Taylor, I hear that you are a fan of my work,” Joseph said extending his hand. 

  


Justin was jarred out of his memories when he realized that Mr. Bernard was speaking to him. As Justin reached to shake his hand, he pulled back startled by the prosthetic hand that was coming toward him. He scolded himself for his reaction and began to apologize for his actions. 

  


“I’m so…” Justin began. 

  


“Nothing to apologize for, son; it’s a normal reaction,” Joseph said with a smile on his face. 

  


“It is a pleasure to meet you, sir. I’ve admired your work for a long time.” 

  


“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Justin. Marci tells me I will be seeing your work up on the walls of galleries soon.” Justin blushed.

  


“I think your daughter is exaggerating, sir,” Justin retorted, smilingly glaring at Marci. 

  


“Well, she is prone to exaggeration at times, but I’m sure that she wouldn’t say something like that if she didn’t have faith in you. She kept me going,” Joseph replied, while embracing Marci. 

  


“Believe me, Justin; he was ten times worse than you could ever be.” Marci said, laughing with her father. 

  


“Come with me, Justin. I’ll show you my most recent work.” Joseph led Justin over to another corner while Lindsay and Marci remained behind. 

  


“Your father is an amazing man. I can’t believe that he has a prosthetic hand. It isn’t mentioned in anything documenting his life or work,” Lindsay stated while not so subtly asking what had happened. 

  


“My father served in Vietnam. That is where he lost his arm. He got into an argument with a landmine and it won. He was completely devastated. Art was his life and passion. Up until the day he was shipped out he was never seen without a brush in his hand and paint on his clothes. He was so lost that he tried on more than one occasion to end his life.” 

  


“What stopped him?” Lindsay asked.

  


“Me. He knew he couldn’t leave me. My mother died when I was born. He was all I knew. I walked in on him when he was just about to take a bottle of pills. He dropped the bottle, and just engulfed me in his arms. After that, he attacked his limitations with a vengeance. He was determined to paint again if it killed him. He went to experts and worked with them to create what he needed in order to return to his passion. Until the prosthetic that enabled him to paint was developed and completed he used a computer that he could manipulate with his left hand. I’m hoping that technology has improved and that maybe Justin can benefit from one as well.” 

  


“How come you have never mentioned this computer before?” Lindsay questioned. “It could have been a great boost for Justin long before now.” 

  


“Lindsay, Justin wasn’t in the right emotional state to accept something like this until recently. This is the best mood I’ve ever seen him in, and it isn’t just because he got to meet my father. You should have seen him when he arrived at the office. He was almost glowing. He had just met with his PIFA advisor and she said or did something that infused him with hope. Now that he has that hope, he will probably be more willing to try alternative methods for his art until he can control his hand.” Marci understood why Lindsay had become defensive, she had wanted to mention the computer sooner, but she didn’t think Justin would be receptive to it. 

  


“I’m sorry, Marci. I know you had Justin’s best interest in mind. I just love him like a little brother, and I just want him to be happy. I know he is struggling with more than just his hand. He’s lost someone very important to him, and we don’t know if he will return.” Lindsay was also missing Brian terribly. 

  


“Are you talking about Brian?”

  


“Yes, did Justin tell you about him?” 

  


“No, his mother did. She thought I should know, thought it might help me understand when he was being especially difficult to work with.” Marci answered. 

  


Lindsay and Marci ended their conversation as they noticed Justin and Joseph returning. 

  


“Your new works are incredible Joseph! Thank you so much for showing them to me!” Justin said enthusiastically. 

  


“You are very welcome! I so enjoy seeing my work through new and fresh eyes; they often inspire new ideas.” Joseph could tell that Justin wanted to ask about his hand, but was uncertain of how to proceed. He decided to make it easier on the young man. 

  


“Justin, I’m sure you are wondering how I managed to continue my art after losing my hand.” Joseph insinuated. 

  


“Yes, I was. I feel guilty for being frustrated with my own injury after seeing what you’ve overcome.” 

  


“Justin, you have every right to get frustrated, and angry. Lord knows I was. It takes time to work through new limitations. It is like being an infant all over again and learning to walk for the first time. And the fact that you know what you want your hand to do and the reality that you can’t make it happen is difficult. I was certain that I would never hold a brush again. After spending entirely too much time feeling sorry for myself, and nearly ending my life, it hit me that I could do anything if I truly wanted to. You have to believe in your own strengths and accept your new weaknesses. Once you are able to do that you can begin to triumph over them.” 

  


“Justin,” Marci interrupted, “one of the things that really helped my father as he was learning to paint again was a graphics computer that allowed him to use his left hand so he could still create. Back then the computer program was pretty basic and rudimentary. I’m sure that technology has advanced these computers. I have researched a company that sells these computers; it’s called Illuminating Graphics. I had them mail me a catalogue so that you could look at what they had to offer.” 

  


“You did that for me?” Justin asked. 

  


“Of course I did. You reminded me so much of my father. I knew I couldn’t suggest it too soon for fear of you rejecting the idea. I think that now is the best time. You are stronger, school will be starting soon, and I really think your advisor made you realize that your dreams are not over by any means.” 

  


“I’m sure these computers are not cheap. I’m guessing this will take another big chunk of my settlement money.” 

  


“Justin, Brian left me a large sum of money to use for Gus and in emergencies. I’m sure he would consider…” Lindsay said. 

  


“Thank you for the thought Lindsay, but I couldn’t take that money. It’s for you and Gus. I’ll be all right. I’m thinking of asking Ted to help me invest some of the money, so that I will benefit from it for some time. I think that the money spent on the computer will be a good investment in my future,” Justin said with conviction. For the first time in a long time Justin felt confident that he would have a future. 

  


\--~^~^~--

  


Seattle, Washington ~ Offices of Wheeler Advertising

  


Brian pulled his motorcycle up to the curb and killed the engine. He looked up at the tall building that housed his friend’s new business. John had done well for himself. His building was located in the heart of the Seattle business district, and no doubt John was knocking on every door. 

  


Grabbing his helmet and duffle bag Brian entered the building and went to the security desk. “Hello, I’m Brian Kinney; I’m here to meet with John Wheeler. He should be expecting me,” Brian said to the rent-a-cop that sat behind the counter. 

  


“Yes, one moment please.” The officer called up to the 18th floor receptionist announcing Brian’s presence. “If you will just sign the log book and here is your visitor’s pass. The elevators are on the right just around the corner. Mr. Wheeler’s offices are on the 18th floor; he will be waiting for you.” 

  


“Thank you,” Brian answered, grateful that he hadn’t gotten any hassle. 

  


Brian used the elevator ride to compose himself. He was actually nervous about seeing John again. No doubt his college friend would be expecting the debonair, egotistical asshole he was always portraying. Brian couldn’t be certain how John would react to the new man he was trying to become. Would he question whether Brian could still deliver the goods? Could he be the cut throat ad executive while dropping his nothing affects me façade? Finally the elevator came to stop, and with the pinging of the bell, the doors opened. Ready or not, he was going to have to deal with his friend’s reaction. 

  


John was shocked to say the least when he saw Brian step off the elevator. He was dressed in worn jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim button down that was open to his waist. It was obvious that he hadn’t shaved in a day or so and he seemed a bit wind-blown. But it wasn’t the rugged appearance that caught John off guard; it was the haunted and hesitant look in his eyes that startled him. Brian still exuded the aura of determination and success, but the harsh, unyielding edge was no longer present. 

  


John shook himself from his thoughts when Brian cleared his throat, and he realized he was staring. “Brian, it’s great to see you! You look fantastic!” John said moving to embrace his long time friend. 

  


“I’m glad you said so. I was beginning to think I looked like some kind of freak or something,” Brian replied, tongue-in-cheek, accepting the hug from John.

  


“Looks like you’ve done well for yourself from what I can see,” Brian continued as the friends stepped back. 

  


“I can’t complain. So you mentioned something about making good on the deal we made that last day of college.” 

  


“Yeah, if you’re still interested?”

  


“Hell YES! I’m still interested!” John responded to Brian’s question as he looked at him as if he was asking him the stupidest question ever asked. 

  


“John, my life is complicated these days. I’m not the same man I used to be, or least I’m trying not to be that man. It’s a very long story, which I will tell you about, but I want you to be sure about this,” Brian said. 

  


“Brian, people don’t stay stagnant their whole life. If they did, they would sure as hell be boring. If you are trying to make some changes in your life, that’s great, but it really isn’t my business. I will support you in whatever I can; and I highly doubt that these changes you are attempting to make are related to your work. Was it not you that just won another CLIO recently?” John replied.

  


“Yes, come to think of it, that was me,” Brian smirked.

  


“Ah, there’s the confident bastard I’m accustomed to.” 

  


“That’s just it, John, I don’t want to be seen as that bastard anymore.” Brian suddenly became serious. 

  


“I can see that this is very important to you Brian. As I have already said, I will be here for you whenever you need me. If you need to tell me how these desired changes came about, I’ll listen, but for now, what do you say I take you on a tour of the company, and we will talk about some preliminary agreements.” 

  


“That sounds good.” Brian was so thankful for his friend’s candor. He found that he really did want to talk to John about everything and so far John was making him feel comfortable about that prospect. However, his main goal in coming here was to reclaim control of his career, and that was what he was going to do. 

  


-~^~- 

  


After a twenty minute tour of the offices, conference rooms, and art department, John led Brian to his office so they could discuss some logistics of them becoming partners. 

As they came around the corner Kristine stood to meet her boss’ friend and new associate. 

  


“Brian, this is my assistant, Kristine. Kristine, this is Brian Kinney, my long-time friend and new partner,” John introduced. 

  


“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Brian. John speaks very highly of you. I’m excited about working with you,” Kristine said offering her hand. 

  


Brian accepted her hand and kissed it. “Why John, you didn’t say how intelligent and beautiful your assistant was.” 

  


“Watch it, Kinney, she’s MY assistant!” John knew Brian was being flirtatious to annoy him. He was glad to see him in this mood. Brian’s disposition had dampened when they were in the art department. John didn’t know why his friend reacted that way, but he guessed that it had something to do with why he was here now, so sooner or later he would find out. 

  


“Kristine, Brian and I are going to discuss our plans for our new partnership. Can you call down to legal and have them send Jody up with the needed paperwork.” 

  


“Sure thing, John. I’ll have Jody wait about half an hour then have her come up.” 

  


“That’s perfect, Kristine, thanks.” John and Brian then entered John’s office to figure out the future of their company.

  


“John, before we get started, I want to make sure that you realize I don’t expect handouts or an equal partnership. I will buy into the company, and as I gain accounts and contribute more, we can discuss a change in percentages. This is your company and I don’t want to supersede that.” Brian wanted to establish his expectations right at the beginning. 

  


“You certainly are still direct and to the point. Brian, I admire your genuine and forthright concern for the company. If I didn’t think you would actively and successfully contribute to our efforts, we wouldn’t be here right now. I still firmly believe that together we will be a formidable advertising power to contend with. What type of numbers were you thinking about?” 

  


“As I said I want to buy into the company; I was hoping to contribute thirty-five to forty-five percent to start and then after two years increase my contribution to forty-nine percent.” 

  


“That’s a very generous offer, Brian. How about this, you contribute thirty-seven percent the first year, forty-five percent the second year and at the end of that time we increase to a fifty-fifty partnership?” 

  


“John, this is your company…” 

  


“No, Brian, it is our company. Together we complement each other so well, who knows where the future will take us, and we may even open an office on the east coast. I have absolute confidence in your abilities. You would never put my or your own reputation on the line by not giving 150%. Nor would you jeopardize a client’s trust in our abilities. As far as I’m concerned Brian, this is a done deal with the exception of putting our signatures on the dotted line.” 

  


Brian was a bit taken aback at the level of faith John had in him, especially since John and he had not worked together since college. But if he knew anything about John, once he had a plan in his head he went with it until it was proven wrong or detrimental to his objectives. At this stage of the game Brian decided he would go along with John’s plan. He could always out maneuver his friend if it became necessary. 

  


“All right, John, you’re on.” Brian extended his hand and John accepted it shaking on the deal. Just as they were finishing, Jody entered with all the legal paperwork that would be necessary to get the ball rolling. 

  


-~^~-

  


What seemed like a thousand signatures later, and a headache from squinting at the fine print, Brian was ready to get the hell out of Dodge. He was tired from his drive that had started at seven am that morning, and then ironing out all the particulars with John had taken the last bit of energy he had left. 

  


“You look pretty beat. How about we get out of here? You can stay at my place until you can find something of your own. There is a great Thai place that delivers, so we order in, have a few beers and catch up.” John suggested. 

  


“That sounds perfect. Would it be alright if I left my bike in the garage, and rode with you? I’m really not up for driving.” 

  


“No problem. You can leave it in my spot. I’ll arrange for you to get your own parking spot by tomorrow afternoon. Let me just grab my stuff and we’ll be out of here.” 

  


Brian nodded in compliance and waited for John to collect what he needed. The two friends then headed for the elevator and rode down to the main lobby. Brian exited and retrieved his bike, driving around to the garage entrance. John’s spot was on the first level close to the bank of elevators. As Brian entered the garage a sense of fear and urgency overtook him. This was the first time he had been in a parking garage since Justin’s bashing. He hadn’t realized the impact it would have on him. He tried desperately to keep his emotions in check. He didn’t want to break down in front of his friend. He quickly grabbed his things and rushed over to John’s car.

  


Brian’s pulse was racing and his breathing was erratic. “Brian, are you all right?” John asked noticing the distress he was in. 

  


“Just drive, John,” Brian said shakily. “I’ll explain later, just please drive!” John quickly exited the garage and remained quiet all the way to his townhouse just outside the city. Brian was pale and seemed to be in another place and time. John finally comprehended that something in Brian’s recent past had sent him reeling and he had chosen him to be his confidant and help him reclaim his life. 

  


-~^~-

  


When the two men arrived at John’s home, Brian was physically and emotionally drained. John suggested that Brian go and lay down for a while. It was still early, just after five o’clock, so they could wait a couple hours before ordering dinner. Brian was thankful for the reprieve and actually fell into a deep sleep. 

  


About three hours later, Brian awoke and headed out of the guest room to find his host. 

  


“Sleeping beauty awakes,” John spoke from the wingback chair in the corner of the room. 

  


Brian jumped at John’s remark, as he had not located him yet when he entered. 

  


“Damn it! You scared the shit out of me!” Brian glared at his friend. 

  


“Turn around is fair game. You scared me today too,” John replied with a concerned tone. 

  


“I’m really sorry about that. I guess I owe you an explanation.” 

  


“Let’s order dinner first, and get a couple of beers. Then we can sit back and talk.” 

  


John rose from his spot in the corner and went to the kitchen to obtain the take-out menu from the “Thai Garden” so they could order. He then grabbed two beers and walked back into the living room. Brian had situated himself in a sunken club chair with his feet elevated on the ottoman in front. His head was resting against the back and his eyes were shut. John entered the room making heavy footsteps to alert Brian to his presence. 

  


“Here’s the menu, see anything you like?”

  


“I think I’ll just have the Thai noodles and then I’ll share some of whatever you get. They always give you too much.” John nodded at Brian’s comment. 

  


“I hope Sam Adams is all right; it’s all I’ve got.” 

  


“That’s fine for now. I may need something a bit stronger later,” Brian alluded to how difficult it may be for him to re-tell his tale. 

  


“Just got a new bottle of Beam the other day, so we’ll uncap that later.” John picked up the cordless phone and called to place the order for the food. After he hung up he sat on the sofa across from Brian and waited. 

  


“About a year ago, someone came into my life that changed me before I even realized it.

He was the complete opposite of what I typically went for. Blond hair, blue eyes, slight frame, alabaster skin, and a halo of innocence that shone on him just as the light from the street lamp illuminated him. He was only 17, first time, I don’t know what I was thinking, maybe I wasn’t, but I just knew that I had to have him.”

  


“I took him with me when Melanie called and told me that my son had been born. I let him name him; well I let him decide between Gus and Abraham. I was assured that Gus was the best way to avoid getting harassed during his school years. Mel wasn’t too happy. Justin stayed with me that night. Did I tell you his name was Justin? Justin Taylor. I couldn’t believe it when I rolled over the next morning and he was there lying next to me. I never thought I would want to wake up with someone, but it actually felt pretty good. I realize now that it wasn’t the fact that Justin was still there, but that I was actually okay with him being there. Mikey was more shocked than I was.”

  


“Is good ole Mikey still hanging on your coat tails?” 

  


“Yeah, I don’t think he’ll ever stop.” 

  


“I did everything in my power to push Justin away. I knew I wasn’t good for him. I had figured out that he would be great for me, but I just couldn’t be that selfish. Unfortunately, the little shit was persistent. He followed me everywhere, insinuated himself into the lives of my friends. Ultimately, he alienated his parents and I let him move in with me. That didn’t last long. I had a major drama melt down and kicked him out when someone broke into my loft and stole everything. This led to a road trip to New York City, ala Brian Kinney and the three stooges. Damn the sex was fantastic once I found him!

  


“His next place of residence was at Debbie’s. You remember Deb, don’t you?” 

  


“Yes, quite fondly actually. I’ll never forget her telling me that I should feel blessed, because I was probably the only straight man that you wouldn’t fuck or fuck over. She definitely left an indelible impression.” John chuckled at the memory as Brian continued. 

  


“With Justin at Deb’s I was able to keep him more preoccupied. Deb gave him a job at the diner and between that and school he stayed pretty busy. I’ll never forget one of my favorite memories with him. I had gone over to see Gus and when I got there Justin was there with Lindsay and Mel. Lindsay was trying to convince him to show some of his sketches at the GLC art show. I had no idea that he was so talented. He had sketched me as he saw me that first morning after we had been together. I was so startled by the way he captured me. But I guess he was on to me from the first moments we were together.” 

  


Brian’s story came to a pause when the door bell indicated that their dinner had arrived. Both men stood and as John answered the door, Brian went to the kitchen to retrieve two more beers. The two settled back in, each with their meal, and Brian continued. 

  


“Over the next couple of months several things seemed to collapse in on me at once. I was charged with sexual harassment, my father died, I tried to force Mikey to grow up, and probably the worst of all I signed over my parental rights to Melanie, so that she and Lindsay would stay together and give Gus the stable home that he deserved. I agonized over my decision for days. No one in my self-made family took the time to notice how difficult this choice was for me. Only Justin could read my moods and was always there trying to comfort me and supporting me once I had made my decision.” 

  


“I was becoming accustomed to having Justin around, and that really scared me. On the night that I won my CLIO, I not only fucked a colleague, but that same colleague told me that I was wasting my talents in Pittsburgh, that I should move on to bigger and better things; namely New York City. I decided that it was as good a time as any to take the Big Apple by storm. Mikey was getting ready to jet to Portland with his lover ‘the Doc’ as I liked to call him, and I needed to get away from Justin before I was completely lost to him. I thought I had finally pushed him away. Then I took him in my arms, his tears soaking my shoulder, and the sensations of doubt and regret overtook me. Could I really leave him behind? The decision was taken out of my hands when Adam called me and told me that they hired internally, and that they would keep me in mind if something else came up.” 

  


John became concerned when Brian had not said anything for the past five minutes. “Bri, are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

  


“You think that we could open that Beam now?” Brian knew the most difficult part of this story was coming, and he felt the strong need to fortify himself before he began. 

  


John went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the Beam. He collected two small tumblers and returned to his friend. Pouring the amber liquid into the glass, he handed it to Brian and watched as he consumed it in one shot. Looking down at Brian he re-filled his glass and poured one for himself. Brian took another swallow, but left most of whiskey in the bottom of the glass. 

  


“We don’t have to do this now, Brian. We can wait,” John offered seeing how difficult this was for him. 

  


“No I need to do this. Just give me a minute.” 

  


Brian relived the moments leading up to his decision to go to the prom. He began speaking not realizing at first that he was. “It was about a week before my thirtieth birthday, which for me was like a death sentence. I had failed to obtain my dream of New York and Mikey was leaving me. I didn’t think I could get any lower. Justin wanted me to go to his prom with him. Of course I told him no. I mean a thirty year old showing up at a high school prom, could I plummet myself any further. So I decided to live up to one of my favorite mantras, ‘life’s not worth living if you don’t take risks’. I had bought myself an exquisite white silk scarf, drank one too many shots, and smoked some of my best stash. Mikey found me just before the ultimate orgasm hit me. Being Mikey, he spouted off his usual ego booster, and put me to bed. I feigned sleep so he would leave. When I heard the loft door close, I opened my eyes, and stared at the ceiling. What was I doing? I crawled out of bed, and dug in the back of my closet for my most prized possession. I stared at that first sketch Justin had done of me that I secretly bought from the GLC show. At that moment I knew what I needed to do. I was still taking a risk, but for once, I was taking a risk on another person; and I was going to risk my heart.” 

  


Once again, Brian became silent; his thoughts wandering back to the preparations he made before getting ready to give Justin the night of his life. John was grateful for the quiet, as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Brian could have killed himself. Brian was always so confident and self assured. John couldn’t imagine Brian harboring all these thoughts of self doubt. When he realized that Brian was crying, John reached out to put a supportive hand on his shoulder. Brian looked up at the contact and continued speaking, regardless of the tears rolling down his stubble covered face. 

  


“I wish you could have seen him. He was the most beautiful creature in the whole room. He was dancing with his best friend Daphne. She noticed me first. When she tapped Justin on the shoulder and he turned in my direction, I knew that I was his. No one would ever capture me, my heart, or my soul like this young man had. I walked over to him nonchalantly, gained Daphne’s permission to steal him away, and I led him to the dance floor. I was completely terrified, but the smile on his face chased every ounce of fear from my mind. I was doing this for him, and no one else mattered. The song that came on could not have been more perfect; “Save the Last Dance” by the Drifters. Justin, despite everything, always accepted me the way I was. I know he had expectations of me and what he wanted our relationship to be, but he was willing to sacrifice his wants and desires for me. And I wanted to show him that I could sacrifice for him too.

  


“When the dance was over we ran out of the ballroom and headed down to my Jeep. I thought we would just leave and head straight for the loft, but he reminded me that he had to make sure Daphne got home. When we reached the Jeep, I spun him around and draped the white silk scarf around his neck. He had no idea what I had been using it for the previous night, but to me, I was giving him my life. We shared a ‘ridiculously romantic’ kiss that I hoped conveyed what was to come, and he turned to retrace his steps back to the ballroom. I watched in my side view mirror…” Brian’s voice became shaky and soft, “…I saw the bat first. It was like for an instant it didn’t matter that there was someone holding the bat, just the fact that the bat could hurt the young man who I had just given my heart to. I tried to call out to him, stop the person from swinging, but I wasn’t fast enough. The light that had just shone at me from his beautiful face went dark in less than a second.

  


“I went after the coward that attacked him, and quickly rushed to Justin’s side. I pleaded with him not to leave me, I even begged God. I rode with him to the hospital, when they took him behind the sterile doors that prevented my entrance, I didn’t know what to do. My subconscious took over, I called Michael, but he didn’t answer. The hospital found Justin’s identification and contacted his mother. When she arrived, I knew that she blamed me, but she couldn’t hate me more than I hated myself.” 

  


“It was several hours later…the uh…nurse told me that…she was sorry…but that he didn’t make it. I killed him, before I got to tell him I loved him.” Brian was weeping uncontrollably, yet numb to the point of tranquility. John embraced his friend and tried to absorb some of his pain. Now was not the time to talk. Not the time to try to convince Brian that it wasn’t his fault. Brian needed to rest. John helped Brian to his feet and guided him to the guest room; Brian sat down on the edge of the bed ignorant of the world around him. John removed Brian’s shirt and jeans, made sure he was secure in his bed. He gently wiped a stray tear from Brian’s cheek, and turned to leave him to his sleep. 

  


\---~^~^~^~---

  


Pittsburgh, PA ~ Three weeks later

  


It was the beginning of September and Justin was having a rough day. He had ordered the graphics computer, but it hadn’t arrived yet. During the first few days of school he had met with all his professors, and the other students he would be working with. To his surprise most of them were understanding and willing to work with him despite his setback. Unfortunately, the key word was “MOST”. Shane Astor had a big chip on his shoulder and didn’t understand why Justin should get any type of special treatment. _“If he_ _can’t do the work, he shouldn’t be here!”_ That comment seemed to reverberate through his brain most of the time. 

  


The past couple of days he wondered where he even was. He couldn’t focus, his hand was cramping up on him more often, and he felt completely alone, despite being around people most of the day. The previous night, Lindsay and Mel had asked him to baby sit, so they could attend a fundraiser for the GLC after school art program. Justin was so excited about getting to spend some quality time with Gus. Shortly before he put Gus to sleep, he sat in the rocking chair; Gus cradled in his arms and read him some nursery rhymes. The last one he read was “Humpty Dumpty”. 

  


When the girls arrived home, Justin collected his things, said his goodbyes, and headed for his Jeep. All the way back to his apartment, he couldn’t help but think how he felt like that broken egg, which no one could fix.

  


So today after going another round with Shane, Justin was getting close to the end of his tether. He stopped by to see Alex, but on this rare occasion she was not in. Justin decided maybe he just needed to drive and try to clear his head. When his journey came to an end he found himself sitting in his car at the corner of Tremont. He had not been to the loft at all since he was released from the hospital. But for some reason today he was drawn to it. 

Justin turned off his car, collected his keys and made his way to the entrance. 

  


Entering the building caused a sense of calm to drape over him. He slowly took the stairs up to the heavy loft door. Retrieving his keys from his pocket, he unlocked the door, and slid it open. The alarm pinged and he entered the code to shut it off. Much of the furniture had been covered, and a blanket of dust had settled on the floor. Justin slowly rotated his body around the room, memories flooding his brain. Jambalaya, dancing after Brian’s run in with his father, ice cream kisses, trying to teach Michael table etiquette, and the countless places that they hadn’t been able to tame their need for each other surrounded him like a fog. 

  


Justin walked up to the bedroom and pushed open one of the panes of glass. What he saw there shocked him. There was a deep blue, velvet duvet scattered with white rose petals, the edges of which were now decayed with time. A bottle of champagne floated in a sterling ice bucket with two glass flutes sitting on the night side table. As he came around the end of the bed he noticed clothes rumpled on the floor. He bent over to pick them up. When he held them up in front of him he noticed the blood stains and realized the suit was Brian’s from the night of the prom. He dropped them as if they had burned his skin. Justin began to weep as he realized what Brian had done for him that night, and what might have been if…He then collapsed onto the bed hugging Brian’s pillow tightly to his body. 

  


The strains of a song wafted through the open loft door as Justin grieved…

  
_There’s been no sunlight since the day you said goodbye  
_ _Since the moment that my life turned into a masquerade  
_ _Can’t even pretend to paste a smile across my face  
_ _All my dreams have been erased  
_ _There’s nothing left to save me  
_ _  
_ _And you, You’re the only one can stop my sky from falling  
_ _You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling  
_ _When everything is closing in, And you  
_ _  
_ _You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching  
_ _You’re the only one who can stop me from shaking  
_ _And put me back together again  
_ _  
_ _What I’d give just to wake up  
_ _And wipe your memory from my eyes  
_ _But I can’t wish for bluer skies  
_ _I’ve never been quite so hopeless  
_ _  
_ _And you, You’re the only one who can stop my sky from falling  
_ _You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling  
_ _When everything is closing in  
_ _  
_ _And you, You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching  
_ _You’re the only one who can stop me shaking  
_ _And put me back together again  
_ _  
_ _And if you stay away I fear it will all be too much  
_ _And if you stay away I’ll be a man who’s lost his touch  
_ _And you, You’re the only one who can stop my sky from falling  
_ _You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling  
_ _When everything is closing in  
_ _  
_ _And you, You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching  
_ _You’re the only one who can stop me shaking  
_

_And put me back together…Again_

  


\---~^~---

  


Seattle, WA ~ that same day…

  


Brian exited his office and strode down the hall to discuss his plans for his newest campaign with John, before they closed up shop for the day. Brian’s trust and confidence in John only grew after the night he told John about the past year of his life. John had listened without judgment and only offered advice when asked. His friend had told him that he would be there whenever he needed him, and that was all Brian could ask for. 

  


In true label queen style, Brian had asked John to take him to the best men’s store in town so that he could acquire appropriate attire befitting a man of his position. They had spent entirely too much money, and dined at one of the best restaurants, reliving the good ole days. Since then Brian had thought about his lover, and the good times that they had had. He was tempted to call Lindsay, but had put it off for a little while longer; wanting to get settled in first. 

  


As he reached John’s office door, he knocked and entered. When he looked over toward John’s desk, he guessed he should have waited for John to grant him entrance. 

  


“Excuse me, I’m so sorry. I’ll come back later.” Brian quickly turned to exit the office.

  


“Brian wait! It’s okay. We were just celebrating,” Kristine said. 

  


“Celebrating what?” 

  


“John?” Kristine asked.

  


“Go ahead, I know you are about to burst!” John teased.

  


“John just asked me to marry him!” Kristine practically screamed while showing off the ring John had just put on her finger. 

  


Brian gave John a sly look as he gave Kristine a hug. “Congratulations! That’s wonderful!” 

  


Releasing Kristine from his embrace, Brian stepped over to John and shook his hand. “I’m so happy for you! The two of you will be great for each other.” 

  


“Thanks, Brian. Oh, by the way, JD is coming home tonight; she’s bringing a friend from college over for dinner. So I’ll get to drop the bomb on her as well.” 

  


“I can’t wait to see that. How is Jamie Dianne doing anyway?” Brian had always called John’s sister by her full name, mostly because it drove her crazy, but after a while she found it endearing for Brian to call her that. When she was little it made her feel special. 

  


“She’s doing well. She was just hired as the editor of an up and coming magazine called ‘Intelligible’. That’s actually why she is coming home. She will be relocating to Chicago, so she has to start the ball rolling from this end.” 

  


“That’s fantastic; I’m sure she is excited,” Brian said. “Well, I was going to discuss the Seattle’s Best campaign, but there is just too much to celebrate tonight. So I’m going back to my office, collecting my stuff and head home. I’ll leave you two alone, and I’ll see you both at the house this evening.” 

  


“But Brian, how will you get home?”

  


“Don’t worry about it, taking a cab one night won’t kill me.”

  


“See you later, Brian.” Kristine said, just before John captured her in another kiss. 

  


Brian smiled all the way back to his office. He was genuinely happy for his friends. Brian had sensed a growing affection between them since he started working there three weeks ago. Arriving back at his office, he put his work in his briefcase, closed down his computer and grabbed his jacket. Taking the elevator to the lobby, he hailed a cab to take him home. He still couldn’t handle the garage. 

  


When Brian returned to John’s house, he put the bottle of wine he had stopped and purchased in the fridge to chill then went up to take a shower. When he finished with his shower, Brian put on a pair of 501’s and his t-shirt from the Sassy Moose. The first time he wore it John couldn’t help but laugh at him, but it was Brian’s favorite new shirt. Barefoot, Brian went down the stairs and waited for John and Kristine to arrive. 

  


When he heard the front door open, Brian thought it was John and Kristine, but he was surprised when JD walked in with another young woman. “Oh my God, Brian Kinney!” Jamie Dianne ran full force and jumped into Brian’s arms. 

  


“Down girl, you’re not getting any lighter,” Brian laughed. 

  


“Fuck you, Kinney. Didn’t you just turn thirty, isn’t that half way to the grave?” 

  


“Well according to my friends, it’s completely six feet under.” Bit back. 

  


Realizing she hit a sore spot JD retreated. “Brian, this is my friend, Allison Darby.” 

  


“Nice to meet you, Allison. How on earth do you put up with her?” Brian motioned to JD. 

  


“It’s difficult, but I do my best,” Allison replied, and JD flipped her off. 

  


“JD, are you here?” John yelled. 

  


“In the living room, molesting Brian!” JD yelled back. It was an ongoing joke among the three of them. JD had a huge crush on Brian when she first met him while John and Brian were in college. 

  


John, with Kristine on his arm, entered the living room discovering, Brian and JD sitting on the sofa, with Allison across from them. John was glad to see Brian joking around with his sister. 

  


“JD, you remember Kristine, don’t you?” John asked.

  


“Of course, how are you doing, Kristine?” 

  


“Absolutely wonderful, especially since your brother here is going to make an honest woman out of me!” Kristine said with a huge smile on her face.

  


“Holy Shit! Congratulations!” JD ran over to her brother and Kristine engulfing them both in a huge embrace. 

  


John was so relieved at his sister’s reaction. John’s parents were high society and were the paragons of their set. He firmly believed that if arranged marriages were still an option that he would have been settled down at the age of twenty. Kristine came from a simple, tight-knit family that made their living on a dairy farm in Wisconsin. John had met her parents on several occasions and he liked them immensely. 

  


“Have you told mom and dad yet?” JD asked John. 

  


“No, I haven’t; and quite honestly I don’t know if I want to. It’s not because I’m ashamed of Kristine, in fact it’s quite the opposite. I don’t know if I think mom and dad deserve to know her.” John had been somewhat estranged from his parents ever since he refused to come home after college and run the family business. 

  


“John, you need to tell them. Despite the fact that they are self-absorbed and should have lived in medieval times, they are still our parents. They were upset yes about your professional decisions, but personally; they just want you to be happy. And it is plainly obvious that Kristine makes you very happy.” 

  


“You’re right she does. So honey, up for a trip to the old homestead over Thanksgiving?” John questioned Kristine.

  


“Definitely! But are you going to tell them before we get there? I’d hate to ambush them. I want to make a good first impression.” 

  


“Well, as much as I’d love to see my parents tripping over their own tongues; yes, I’ll phone them next week and tell them,” John answered giving Kristine a peck on the cheek. 

  


Brian had watched bemused by the interaction between John and his sister. Brian knew John’s parents and he too would enjoy any joke on their behalf. When he had gone home for the holidays with John, their senior year, he was greeted with the condescension he expected. But by the end of his visit, he and John had his parents convinced that John was gay and they were secretly lovers. John cleared up that little lie shortly after New Years, but it was fun while it lasted. 

  


“So what’s for dinner?” Brian asked, reminding the group of his presence. 

  


“We stopped at the store on our way home, thought we’d grill some steaks, have salad, and whatever else strikes our fancy,” John said. 

  


“Sounds perfect, why don’t you get that started, while I entertain the women folk,” Brian glibly replied to his friend. 

  


“For a guy who is turning over a new leaf, you’re still a pain in the ass, Kinney,” John shot back. 

  


Brian laughed at his friend’s remark; yeah he could still be an ass. He figured that was okay from time to time. 

  


Over the course of the evening the friends shared stories, and discussed plans for the future. Brian became a bit melancholy, but he tried to stay upbeat, so not to ruin the mood of the evening. When it came to talking about careers, John and Brian seemed to monopolize the conversation, going on and on about their plans to develop the company. Finally JD broke in and talked a bit about what she was going to be doing at the magazine. Kristine of course would still be working for John and Brian. Last but not least Brian engaged Allison in conversation about what she wanted to do. 

  


“Well, I’m not certain at this point. I’m actually in my fifth year at University of Washington. I could have finished with JD, but I double majored in Journalism and Fine Arts, so I’m finishing up the last of my Journalism requirements this fall. I’m hoping to take a couple of months off when I’m done to do some traveling and broaden my horizons, but I think I would really love to work at an art magazine, or critique up and coming artists. So many critics are old and stuck in their ways, and opinions. I hope that I could give a fresh perspective.” 

  


“My boyfriend…he was an artist. I think the two of you would have really liked each other.” Brian was saddened, yet happy to meet another young person so excited by art.

  


“Is he no longer pursuing art?” Allison asked, ignorant of the painful discussion she was starting. 

  


“Um Allison…” John started.

  


“It’s all right, John. I need to start talking about him. I can’t shut myself off from his memory forever.” Brian paused, taking a breath. “Justin, my boyfriend died recently. He was the victim of a hate crime. He would have been a tremendous artist. He had so much passion.” Brian looked down at his hands. 

  


Everyone was silent, disturbing Brian more than if they had all offered him sympathy. “Hey, this is supposed to be a fun night. Why don’t we all refresh our drinks and maybe talk about someone’s upcoming nuptials.” All in the group nodded in agreement. Brian excused himself to go to the bathroom. John and Kristine collected the last of the dishes, while JD and Allison stayed on the patio refreshing the drinks from the bar. 

  


“JD, do you remember that article I wrote in the last edition of the school paper, before summer?” 

  


“Yeah, the one about hate crimes.” 

  


“Yes, well after I wrote that article I did a follow up piece to the story; I tried to find out information about some of the victims mentioned in the original. Brian said his boyfriends name was Justin, and you told me that Brian was from Pittsburgh right?” 

  


“Al, what are you getting at?” 

  


“JD, I think Justin is alive. Justin Taylor was bashed at his high-school prom by a homophobic jock. His older lover came to the dance and when he was leaving he witnessed the attack.” 

  


“But why do you think he is the same Justin?” 

  


“When I did the follow-up, I spoke with a family member, who said that Justin was struggling to regain his life, but that his lover had left Pittsburgh, because he had been given inaccurate information.” Allison looked at her friend with determination trying to convey that she thought Brian was the missing lover. 

  


“What are you two gossiping about over here?” John asked as returned with some chilled fruit and fresh whipped cream. 

  


Allison retold her story to John. She didn’t know what to do. She hoped that John would guide her in the right direction. They were still milling about by the bar, when Brian returned. He had pasted on a smile and was ready to continue the evening. When his friends turned around, the look they gave him sent a chill down his spine. 

  


“What?” Brian asked, fearful of the answer. 

  


“Brian, you’d better sit down,” John suggested. 

  


“Why, just tell me why you’re all looking at me like that?” 

  


“Brian,” Allison began, “as you were telling me about your boyfriend, I remembered a piece I wrote for the last regular edition of our school paper; it was on hate crimes.” Brian started to shake slightly, and clasped his arms around his waist. “I did a follow up to the article, researching the victims from my original story. One of the victims was a Justin Taylor of Pittsburgh.” Allison waited for any reaction from Brian, when none was forth coming she continued. “He is alive.” 


	12. Chapter 12

  
Author's notes:

 

 

* * *

~Seattle, Washington~

Brian stood like a statue while the echoes of "he is alive" reverberated through his head. " _This isn't possible. The nurse told me he died. There must be some mistake…_ "

"Brian. Brian!" John startled his friend out of his coma-like state. "Brian, come sit down." 

Brian allowed John to lead him to the sofa where he slowly lowered his body to the cushion. He made out keys being clicked on a keyboard and John trying to get him to respond. 

"John, I've got the article pulled up online." Allison commented. 

_Surviving Hate By Allison Darby My final article of the spring semester brought to light the disparaging fact that hate continues to run rampant in our society. No matter how far we have come, we are still centuries in the past. In 1991, the federal government began collecting statistics on Hate Crimes; crimes motivated in whole or in part by hatred or prejudice based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origins, gender, disability, or sexual orientation or another group or individual. From Rosa Parks, to Martin Luther King, Jr. to Cesar Chaves to Perry Watkins, the Stonewall Riots, and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"; we've seen hate at all levels and the devastation it leaves in its wake._

_Despite all the adversity there are those that overcome all the devastation. I attempted to contact some of the victim's that I reported on in May, and was able to learn that Justin Taylor, Senior at Saint James Academy, though still fighting with the ramifications of his attack is attending therapy and progressing well. He will be attending Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts in the fall, and hopes to regain his dream of taking the art world by storm. I also learned that Neil Harris…_

That was all JD was able to read before Brian stood and exited the room. John followed his friend and stopped him just as he reached the staircase. "Brian, what are you going to do?" 

Brian stood looking at his friend, finally replying softly, "I don't know." Brian turned and began to walk up the stairs. He stopped again, and faced his friend once more. "John, I just need some time to think. I'm going to my room; I promise I won't do anything stupid. I'll see you in the morning." 

"Okay, I'm here if you need me," John replied.

"I know. You don't know how much that means to me. Good night." Brian turned and continued to ascend the stairs. 

Brian turned the handle on the door to the guest room that was his current home, opened the door, stepped in, turned, shut the door behind him and walked over to the window that opened up to the expansion of the city below. It was not Seattle he was seeing. His eyes saw miles away, to a city he thought he may never be able to return to, a city which held the one person he thought he had lost. Justin was alive. He couldn't wrap his conscious thoughts around that concept. He had spent all summer trying to come to terms with the fact that Justin was gone, and what he was going to do without him, and now… now what? Everything was completely capsized. He had been floating on driftwood and he now realized that he shouldn't have abandoned ship. 

He couldn't be sure if all of this was fate intervening, he didn't believe in fate, but if he didn't believe in it on some level, then why had Justin entered his life when he did? Why did all of this have to occur? Was it a test? Brian knew that if he continued to think like this he would go crazy. He couldn't question what he could never find the answers too. He needed to focus on what he did know and what he was able to ascertain. 

First and foremost he knew he had changed. He was still Brian Kinney, but a Brian Kinney that his family would not recognize and may not accept. He had learned so much about himself, and began to recognize things about himself that he didn't like, while allowing other sides of his personality to come through. He began to believe that no matter where Justin was that he would be proud of the man he was allowing himself to become. Now he was worried about whether or not Justin would forgive him for leaving. Did Justin even know why he left? Surely, Lindsay would would've said something to him, or Debbie? 

How bad were Justin's injuries? What type of therapy was he in? The article said he was attending PIFA, but are his injuries making that difficult? Did he have anyone supporting him, anyone pushing him to not give up? Not being able to create would be worse than death to Justin. How is he paying for school? Is his dad paying? What happened to Hobbs? " _Shit! How could I have left without making sure that sorry excuse for a human being, paid for what he did? Is he free and clear because I wasn't there to testify? I can't believe I didn't even think to try and find out if there even was a trial!"_ Brian was furious with himself.

Then he began to wonder if Justin even remembered him? What would he do if he didn't? Maybe Justin was better off without him? _"No don't think that way! Don't retreat to your old safety zone. You need to get answers! You won't get them this way."_ Brian turned to look at the bed side clock, 12:30 am. It would be 3:30 am in Pittsburgh, he would have to wait until morning, but he had to call someone. Lindsay. He would call Lindsay. 

Having made his decision, Brian ventured to his bed, stripped, and collapsed. He fell asleep trying not to think about all the "what if's."

\--^~^---

~Pittsburgh, 11:45 am~

Justin sat in his studio finishing up the chapters he needed to read for his classes next week. He basked in the warmth of the sun that filtered through the towering windows. Closing his book, he shut his eyes and thought about the days ahead. He was going over to Lindsay and Mel's around 1:00 to watch Gus while they ran some errands and then went to the monthly meeting at the GLC. Justin treasured his time with Gus. The two would sit in the living room playing with Gus' toys, Justin would watch as Gus made his masterpieces with the large crayons that Lindsay had gotten him. As Gus would draw, Justin would work on the sketching exercises that Marci had given him. Before Gus would lay down for his nap, Justin would spin him a tale of a wonderful man who loved Gus so much. Justin would bring his drawings of Brian and Gus together. He wanted to make sure that the little boy always knew his father, and would recognize him if Brian returned. 

Pulling himself out of his chair, Justin carried his books back inside and set them on the bench at the end of his bed. He stood staring at the deep green duvet that hugged the mattress on his bed. He had scattered gold and brown pillows across it attempting to imitate the look of Brian's eyes. He wondered if he would ever see those eyes again. He just kept hoping that Brian would come home some day. It was September and Gus' first birthday was tomorrow. Most of the errands that the girls were running had to do with the party they were planning for their son. Justin was doing his best to keep up appearances in light of it being Gus' birthday, but he was starting to falter. He couldn't believe that one year ago his life as he knew it had transformed so dramatically. 

He had met the most amazing man, who didn't even realize how amazing he was. Brian portrayed the confident, self-assured asshole to perfection, but Justin saw so much more than that. He saw Brian time and again sacrifice his own happiness to guarantee the happiness of others. Justin saw first hand the harrowing emotions that Brian had struggled with when making his decision to sign over his parental rights to Mel. How he sacrificed his friendship with Michael to make Debbie happy, and supposedly by extension Michael. Justin quietly witnessed how Brian cared for the staff that worked for him at Ryder, giving them bonuses for a job well done. All of the family thought that Brian just pocketed all his money for himself, but Justin knew differently. Brian usually only kept about one-third of the bonus money he received. Justin also knew that Brian helped Vic and Debbie out if they hit a rough spot. Very few of the tight knit group realized how Brian had struggled when trying to make a decision about Ted. Justin wasn't really a part of the gang at that point, but the few special instances when he got to see Brian, he saw in his eyes that it wasn't an easy decision for him. Justin knew from the first moment he saw Brian hold Gus that Brian was a strong man who felt deeply and would always be there for the ones he loved. 

"Justin, are you home?" Daphne hollered as she entered the apartment. 

"In my room, Daph." 

"Hey. How are you doing? Did you get your reading done?" she queried. 

"Yeah, I just finished. How did your test go?" 

"I think I did well, there was one essay I wasn't certain about, but I'm sure I did fine."

"You probably aced it like you always do," Justin teased. 

"So what time do you have to be over at Mel and Lindsay's?" the bubbly brunette asked.

"I told them I would be there around one o'clock. They have some last minute shopping to do for Gus' party before they go to the GLC meeting. After the meeting they are going to dinner with Dusty and her partner. I probably won't be home until around 10:00." 

"Well Tasha and Brooke are coming over for a girl's night, mud masks, manicures, and pedicures. I'll try to make sure we are done by 10:00, at least with the pampering. We may still be eating ice cream and watching movies." Daphne laughed at the scared expression on Justin's face. The last time she had a girl's night; they kidnapped Justin and gave him a 'treatment' as well.

"Just make sure all the mud and nail polish is put away before I get home!" Daphne just laughed at his demand. "I'm serious, Daphne!" Justin said pissed that his friend was laughing at him. 

Still laughing, "I promise!"

"Thank you very much! I'm going to take my group work with me to try and do some brainstorming once Gus goes to sleep." Justin went to gather his things while Daphne's laughing echoed in his ears. 

\--^~^---

~Seattle 10:00am~

John approached Brian's room, gently knocked then slowly opened the door. "Brian, are you awake?" There was no response. John guessed that Brian wouldn't want to sleep too much later; he had things he needed to do. 

"Brian, Hey, Brian its 10:00." 

Brian rolled over and opened his eyes to see his friend standing over him. "Shit, you look ugly when I wake up," Brian said with a smirk on his face. 

"Well I try. How are you?" John knew his friend's snide comment was not an indication of how he was really feeling. 

"I'm okay, considering. I did decide that I have to call someone, so I'm going to call Lindsay. She's the only one I completely trust to tell me the truth. I have so many questions, but I just really need to know if Justin's alright." Brian sighed, combing his hand through his hair. 

"You need to go back, face all of this." 

"I know I'm just…"

"Scared out of your mind," John finished. 

"Yeah. I mean what if he doesn't want to see me? I abandoned him. I didn't even stick around to see if that homophobic bastard Hobbs got what he deserved." 

"Brian, you thought he died, you can't expect to react normally or rationally to something like that, he'll understand." John wanted to reassure Brian. 

"There's something else." 

"What?"

"I'm not the same as I was when he last saw me, or hell, when anyone saw me. What if they can't see the changes I've made, hell, let alone accept them? I can honestly say for probably the first time that I actually like myself, and am proud of the changes I've made. I thought that I was doing them for Justin, but I think I was just using that as camouflage in my mind so that I wouldn't be ashamed of what I allowed myself to become. Shit! I don't even know if Justin remembers me. What if he has amnesia?" 

Brian was beginning to get slightly hysterical. John had to stop this train of thought. "Brian, Allison said nothing about him losing his memory or anything in her original article nor in her follow up. I think she would have been certain to report that. You have changed, and it sounds like it's something you've wanted to do for some time, but had both real and imagined roadblocks preventing it. The only person you have to worry about is yourself, my friend. I think this Justin of yours will not only remember you but will accept you no matter what. Right now, you need to call Lindsay. I'm sure she can help dispel some of the worries you have." 

"I know, I know. I think I'll take a shower first, clear my head. Then I'll call." 

"Okay, while you are showering, I'm getting online and booking you a flight home."

"John…"

"Go. Take. A. Shower! It will be okay." 

"John?" Brian said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Thanks." Brian turned and headed off to the bathroom.

John watched his friend go and prayed that he was right, that everything would be okay.

\--^~^---

~Pittsburgh 12:50pm~

Justin stood outside the suburban home of his friends waiting for one of them to answer the door. 

"Hi sweetie, come on in." Melanie greeted the blonde. "Lindsay is upstairs getting Gus dressed. We had a little bit of an accident during lunch." Justin chuckled along with Mel. 

Justin walked into the family room and set his messenger bag next to the sofa. 

"Lindz and I are going to pick some last minute presents and decorations for the big day, then we have the GLC meeting from 3:00 to 4:30, then we have to stop by my office so I can sign some paper work. I took the afternoon off yesterday to help Lindsay put the swing set together. That was an experience. I still don't know what a gratchet is. Then we're meeting Dusty and Marie for dinner. We should be home around 9:00."

"That's fine. I brought school work to do once I put Gus to sleep. I can't believe he's going to be one already. It seems like yesterday when I met…" 

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, this has to be hard on you. I can't believe that asshole hasn't even had the decency to call…" 

"Mel, don't. It doesn't help. I don't blame him, I'm just worried. I miss him so much. I still can't believe that he brought me with him, let alone asked me about Gus' name," 

Justin said with a sentimental tone. 

"I can't believe it either," Mel said, but with a grateful look on her face to take the sting out of her words. 

"Tomorrow is our one year anniversary." Justin looked over at Mel and could see the skepticism in her eyes. "I know it's not the same as it is for you and Lindsay, but just the same we've been 'us' for a year now, no matter what 'us' is." 

Mel could see the shroud of darkness fall over Justin's eyes and she wanted to make it go away. "You know, that night after you, Michael and Brian left, Lindsay told me that you were going to be good for Brian, that she knew you could get under his armor. I wasn't so sure…" Mel looked at Justin and just shook her head. "…okay, so I was extremely doubtful, but I have to say I'm glad I was wrong. Because you did." 

Justin moved over to Mel and gave her a hug. "Thanks Mel. I needed to know that." The embrace ended and each took a step back smiling. Just then Lindsay came down the stairs with an excited and freshly dressed Gus. 

\--~^~^~--

~ Seattle 10:45 pm ~

Brian exits the shower and dries off. He slides into his jeans and pulls a t-shirt out of the drawer. He smoothes the shirt down over his chest, and in his bare feet, heads to the kitchen for some coffee. He knows he will need a jolt before talking to Lindsay. 

John was sitting at the kitchen island, on his laptop, looking at flights for Brian. He saw Brian make a beeline for the coffee pot, and was glad he brewed a fresh batch while his friend was in the shower. He found a flight that left Seattle at 1:50pm; there was a layover in Denver, then arrived in Pittsburgh at 11:31. It would make for a long day, but that was the best he could do on such short notice. John knew he had to get Brian on a plane. 

The time that John and Brian had spent together since Brian's arrival had been refreshing and revitalizing for his business and their friendship. They had brought in several new clients, and John was already hoping to set up an office in Pittsburgh with Brian at the helm. Who knew, maybe someday they could even invade the Big Apple but first Brian needed to get his life back. From what John could tell Justin was Brian's life. 

John watched silently as Brian picked up the cordless phone and headed into the living room. 

\--~^~--

~ Pittsburgh 1:45 ~ 

Justin and Gus stood at the front door waving at Lindsay and Melanie as they pulled out of the driveway. The mother's had to fawn over Justin and make sure Gus had everything he might need before Justin finally pushed them out the door. Once the car had driven out of sight, Justin and Gus headed for the coffee table to begin the day's masterpiece. 

Using the crayons that Lindsay had gotten for him, Gus began to draw what Justin thought looked like the sun and the grass, he was only one after all. The little boy loved to draw. He sometimes colored in pictures that Justin drew for him, but he loved drawing his own lines and pictures. Even if he was the only one who could interpret their meanings. Justin always made sure to praise Gus' work. Even though Gus couldn't completely comprehend Justin's words he knew that he was being applauded for his work just by the bright smile that always accompanied the praise. 

As the two continued their drawing, Justin began his rambling as he usually did. 

"It's a big day for you tomorrow, little man! You're going to be one year old. Can you believe it? You are going to have so much fun. I know your mom's are going to have all your favorite people here, and you'll get to eat cake and make a big mess and no one can yell at you about it. Won't that be great?" 

Gus turned and looked at Justin with big eyes and smiled. Justin guessed he was being understood so he continued. 

"I just wish your dad was going to be here. I'm sorry for that. I know rationally that it's not my fault, but he's away because of me. I know that if he was here he would hold you with as much love and care as he did one year ago. You mean everything to your dad, Gus, He may not think he is a good person and father, but he really is. And I know that…" 

Justin's thought was interrupted by the phone ringing. Justin turned to reach the phone that was on the end table by the sofa. 

"Hello, Peterson-Marcus residence." Justin heard a gasp, and then silence. 

"Hello?" Still more silence. Justin's hopes began to rise. Could it be? 

"Brian? Brian, is that you? Please say something!" Justin pleaded. 

"I…I thought you were dead. The nurse said…shit…I'm sorry." Justin thought Brian might hang up. 

Quickly, "Brian it's all right. I know what you were told. I understand. It's okay." Justin had tears running down his face. He couldn't believe that he was actually hearing Brian's voice. "Brian, where are you?" 

"Justin, you're okay?" Brian asked still trying to wrap his brain around the fact that he was actually speaking to Justin. 

"Yes Brian, I'm okay. Where are you?" Justin asked again. 

"I'm in Seattle." 

"Oh." Justin was crestfallen. Had Brian started a new life without him? Would he come back to Pittsburgh for him? Maybe Brian had called to tell Lindsay that he wasn't coming back? 

"Justin? Justin, are you still there?" Brian had a tinge of panic in his voice.

"Yes, I'm here. Do you like it out west?" 

"It's good, but it's not home. You're not here." 

Just then John came into the room where Brian was sitting. 

"Brian, I've got you a flight back to Pittsburgh…" John looked up and saw the shocked look on Brian's face and instantly became nervous. 

"Justin, hold on just a minute," Brian said. When John heard Brian say Justin's name the reason for the shocked expression became evident. 

"You're talking to JUSTIN!? I thought you were calling Lindsay," John all but shouted. 

Grinning at his friend, "He answered Lindsay's phone. I can only guess that he is watching Gus. You said that you got me a flight." 

"Yeah it leaves here at 1:50pm, then there is a lay-over in Denver, you leave Denver at 6:30pm and arrive in Pittsburgh at 11:31pm eastern time. It's the best I could do on such short notice." 

Brian took the information from John and recited it to Justin. Justin frantically wrote it down on the sketch he had been working on in bright green crayon. 

"I'll be there. I've missed you so much, Brian!" Justin anxiously said with tears in his voice.

"Justin, I've missed you too, but…" before Brian could finish Justin interrupted.

"You've met someone new, haven't you? Just say it quickly, I understand. I hoped, but…"

"JUSTIN!" Brian hollered from the other end of the connection.

"Yes," Justin replied meekly.

"First, I have not met anyone else! Second, I am not mad at you or any other crazy thing you can come up with. Right now I am just shocked and amazingly happy that you are alright." 

"Then what was the "but" about?" Justin asked.

"Well if you had let me finish." 

"Finish."

"I'm not exactly how I was when I left." Justin was fearful that something bad had happened to Brian while he was gone, but remained silent not wanting to interrupt a second time. "I've done a lot of thinking and I've made some changes that I'm proud of. I don't want to go over them on the phone. I just want to get home to you." 

"Just come home Brian. I'll be waiting for you at the airport. We can go to the loft, or wherever you want and talk about everything. Just come home. I need to see you!" 

"Okay. I'll be on that flight! I'm going to throw my stuff together and get John to take me to the airport now so I know I won't miss the flight." 

"Sounds good to me. I love you," Justin said simply. 

"I know. I love you too, Sunshine. Later." 

"Later." It was the automatic response that Justin had for Brian, just like Pavlov's dogs. The reverberations of Brian's words, "I love you too" rang in his ears. 

The sound of a dial tone echoed in both phones.

 


End file.
